Why 2007 was the Best Year Ever

Oh, hello secret blog! Yes, this was my plan all along: start a blog, make it successful, make money off of it, suddenly decide to ignore it, get a “real writing job,” abandon blog.

no reactions nope smh chewbacca

OKAY, you caught me β€” I didn’t purposefully make a decision to do these things, but now that my blog is no longer popular, I feel I can really spill my heart, soul, guts, and metabolism here. So it works out for everyone, really.

But that’s not important right now.

Look: I am (mostly) happy where my life is right now. I have a boyfriend I live with, and he is a wonderful person and not one of those boys I agonized over on this very blog.

Election 2016 laughing laugh hillary clinton al smith dinner

I also have something of a career, meaning, I have a full time job writing. I also have been signed with managers.

The downside?

Since this blog was popular I have lost about 20 friends and gained about 20 pounds.

However, I believe this is just something that happens with age, though I am trying to fight it. Especially the gaining weight part.

OK, OK, whatever β€” why was 2007 “the best year ever”?

I’m so glad you asked, dear reader. (I daren’t assume “dear readers” as I am pretty sure this blog as been abandoned in expert form, as I have so done.)

2007 was The Best Year Ever because…

  • I was young. And not in a way where if I suddenly died, people would say generously, “and she was too young!” I mean in a real, I am constantly carded and constantly irresponsible young sort of way.
  • Celebrity gossip blogs were at their motherfucking peak. Perez Hilton was still fairly new, and wasn’t annoying AF. Crazy Days and Nights debuted (I think. I’m honestly way too lazy to fact-check. This isn’t The Washington Post.)
  • Fashion blogging was also at its motherfucking peak. (Susie Bubble. Keiko Lynn. Man Repeller β€” brand new. Others, whose names have been lost to the years and Google is unable to unearth with my meager recollections.)
  • Let’s be honest: ALL blogging was at its motherfucking peak. Why would anyone blog in 2016 when there is Snapchat and Instagram and etc?
  • Lindsay Lohan could not be stopped.

Okay wait so now that I’m actually thinking about this, I’m going to say that it was either 2006 or 2009 that was The Best Year Ever, and this is based on me not being able to find any photos of me from 2007.

But here’s one of me (blonde and skinny) from 2006:

Blonde Almie Rose

“I was so thin!” she says, showing her boyfriend the photo. “WHOA,” he says, shattering any illusion that she hadn’t gained *that* much weight.

In Conclusion

I hate getting older and I am posting all of this because my birthday is next Monday and I can hardly believe this is me.

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13 thoughts on “Why 2007 was the Best Year Ever

  1. Andrew H.

    Um, it’s pretty awesome to see blogs from you, Almie, because seeing these pop up in my Google app (as opposed to me frantically checking every day, as I would have hella years ago due to caveman technology) makes me feel younger than I could possibly imagine. I just have to avoid previous comments of mine on this blog because those, conversely, will make me feel old.

    So SUPER props to you for scoring a sweet jib and a good good friendboy, but extra props for managing to keep this blog up even with all of Snapchat and Instagram stacked against you.

    Totally get where you’re coming from re: who’s got time to blog BC I’ve been trying to keep mine going too but HA HA HA I’d rather read yours than write mine. Go figure.

    1. Andrew H.

      P.S. In an effort to lose the 35 pounds I gained since my last breakup I started drinking Soylentt for lunch and also sometimes dinner (I KNOW I KNOW) and I lost 15 lbs in 24 days, so if you wanna be wacky and techie I would totally recommend it, so long as you don’t mind being made fun of by everybody ever and being CONSTANTLY HUNGRY

  2. Alexandria

    She lives! This is honestly one of my all- time favorite blogs. I still go through the archives from time to time and get a kick from reading the entries. (especially ones that I can relate to in my present life situations, i.e. relationships, etc.) You have a really unique relatable writing style that’s very real. Mad respect, yo. Do continue to post! Your audience is still here. xx

  3. Charizard

    Welcome back, JigglyPuff! You should keep bloggin’, fo shizzle my jizzle! Where is your full-time writing gig — Hello Giggles?
    So nice that after all the boy drama you finally have a boy who is eazy-peazy! Sometimes, being chubbie helps find a sweet hubbie. Bad boys go for hot, skinny boy toys. That skinny, blond skank that you used to be in the picture probably attracted a lot of heat-seaking missiles for misogynistic macho-monsters. No that you’re built like a can of pork, you can shack up with caring dork. So much easier. So happy for you! Remember to reply to your fans here and keep writing! We heart you more than Peekachoo, JigglyPuff!

  4. Lol I seem so annoying

    I LOVE YOUR BLOG I’M so happy to see you’re back it really makes me feel joy in my heart like you and your love for cats and Bowie and Paul and like you would be so so pretty if you weighted like a mini van some day. I have too much feelings about this, you really make things seem better just by writing a blog post. Like Paul would say ‘let them in’ I mean like keep these coming. <33

  5. REAL WOMEN DON'T SUPPORT RAPE

    Kind of gross that you supported the Clintons. Bill raped women, and Hillary called his victims “bimbos” and”tramps”, etc.

    RAPE IS NOT COOL! AND ANY WOMAN WHO DEMEANS RAPE VICTIMS IS SHOULD NOT BE CHAMPIONED.

    1. YAWN

      UM, did Hillary rape anyone, because she was the one going for presidency? How does that he was acting like a human of his man most likely awful behavior make it seem like she thinks raping is alright? Also what did Trump do, grab them by the pussy, and most likely raped someone. I can’t express this in english. Real women don’t stand for Trump, either.

      1. Mia

        Actually, Hillary slandered sexual assault victims who had the courage to come forward, that is AWFUL.

        What Trump said to Billy Bush behind the scenes was a man talking bullshit with another man…ZERO evidence that he ever grabbed a woman like that in real life.

        Also, all of Trump’s alleged rape and assault victims of Trump have been completely exposed as frauds.

        In contrast, real women, with real stories, and real corroboration stated they were assaulted by Bill, and Hillary tried to destroy.

        Women like Hillary, and you, give the rest of us a bad name and make it hard for rape victims to come forward.

  6. BOOM

    Trump is anyway more of an orange populist than oranges in your LA’s world famous The Original Farmers Market.

  7. Apple Jack

    Wow, you look HAWT with blond hair and that skinny bod in 2008.

    Get back to that look! Food is not love! Love yourself!

    Do you realize the kind of sex you’d baving now if you looked like that?

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