Dear Future Almie,
We did it!! We are so successful! I’m not sure what it is we’re successful at, but we are! And we have our own house, and it’s like that one Scarlett Johansson sold, with the glass ceiling. We always tell ourselves we’ll spend an afternoon just reading in that room but we’re too busy sleeping and going to awesome parties! Good for us!!
We cameo’d on Gossip Girl! Who would have thought that like Beverly Hills, 90210 that show would also last 10 seasons? Wow! And we totally “borrowed” something from the prop room and forgot to give it back. Oh Future Almie, you’re so bad! I love you though!
We’re fucking Jon Hamm!! (And/or his future equivalent.) Good for us!!
We visit New York all the time because we have the means to do it, and we do it because why the fuck not? We are so cool!
We have so many friends and none of them are ugly!
We eat the most delicious foods and don’t feel guilty about it because we religiously work out! Damn Future Almie, where’d you get your abs, The Ab Store? More like THE RAD STORE! HIGH FIVE FUTURE ALMIE!
We’re always on the list! We’re even on the list to places where you don’t need to be on a list, like Soup Plantation. Fuck yeah, Soup Plantation!! We used to go there all the time when we were kids. We fucking love Soup Planation and we’re totally not too successful to go there because it’s awesome! Don’t eat too much garlic bread, Future Almie! Oh who am I kidding, you’re the greatest, eat as much garlic bread as you want!! Fuck yeah garlic bread!
We’re on the cover of a magazine! Who cares that it’s Cat Fancy. It’s a magazine and that’s what’s important. They say print is dead. They’re liars! You never believed their lies, did you, Future Almie? That’s probably why you’re so awesome!
In conclusion, you did great, Future Almie. Past Almie had her moments, and Present Almie is busy drinking white wine, but Future Almie really pulled it together and made it happen. I am so proud of you. I can’t wait to be you!
xoxo,
Present Almie
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
This is totally amazing. You are my favorite person I don't actually know in real life but think I do because I read your blog.
yay for almie, all around!
I agree with Eryca!
Eryca, Emily, and Carrie: you guys are my crew. Thank you!
This is… just too good. Highly enjoyable.
Absolutely ♥ this post!
fuck yeah, future almie!!
Is it wrong that I feel strangely bonded to you via our love of Souplanation? I would totally go there with the three Almies (past, present, future), smuggle in white wine and eat a giant AWESOME salad.
present Almie is a famous bloggeur, very 2010
Huzzah. I LOL'd.
Do you have a secretary, though, in ze future? Not for banging (although maybe that too), but for doing all the awful menial tasks you have to do everyday, like make sandwiches, balance your checkbook, and organize party invitations.
"where'd you get your abs, The Ab Store? More like THE RAD STORE! HIGH FIVE FUTURE ALMIE!"
I. Lol'd. So. Very. Hard.
I just saw that "NO I'M NOT DRUNK" label. Nice!
Oh girl, I just spit out my coffee. You slay me every time.
I wish I was Future Almie. Except for the Gossip Girl part. Taylor Momsen scares me.
I think I'd probably hang out with any of the Almies… if I actually knew them and didn't just read their blog like a stalker…
Almie, i LOVE the new layout!