Category Archives: Ask Apocalypstick

Ask Apocalypstick: When Should I Dump My Boyfriend?

brigitte-bardot-2

Boyfriend dilemmas are a very special kind of pain and frustration. Our latest question for the Ask Apocalypstick series comes from someone who needs some boyfriend help.

My boyfriend of 15 months is mostly a pretty great guy, but a month ago he had a big freak out. Our whole relationship we’ve been talking about getting married, our future together, etc. But now I’m not allowed to mention the future or marriage or question why he won’t move closer to me. Should I keep dating someone who doesn’t want to marry me?? Oh yeah p.s we met in Australia and I moved here for him 4 months ago. — Anon

It’s very telling that you addressed your email to me with “when” should I dump my boyfriend, instead of leaving it open. It’s kind of like you know what you want to do. But here’s my advice.

The whole “not allowed” part worries me. If you truly feel that you’re “not allowed” to ask your boyfriend about major life issues that involve you, that’s not good.  If you feel you can’t ask him a reasonable question like “why won’t you move closer to me?” that is also not good.

You’ve been together for 15 months. I can understand why someone would have a “big freak out” around this point in the relationship. He may feel that talking about marriage is expected and fine and good, but now actually taking the steps towards marriage is making him nervous. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to get married. It means he has to accept that he has to grow up and give up a life he’s been used to for years and years. That can be scary. And sometimes, people act irrationally when they’re scared. Which it sounds like he’s doing. He’s probably also feeling a tremendous amount of pressure considering that you moved for him.

I’m not excusing his behavior. He needs to be an adult. You need to tell him that you can understand his fear and concerns, which is why you’d like to sit down with him and talk it out. You’re a person and you’re worthy of his time, consideration, and kindness. Set a timer for an hour if you have to. If he can’t give you one hour of real talk about your lives, he’s not going to give you years of marriage. And if marriage is what you want, then you shouldn’t make any more sacrifices that aren’t headed in that direction and only make you unhappy.

What do you guys think? Help Anon out.

 

If you’d like to ask me a question, send it on over. Please note if you’d like to be anon or use a fake name. Also realize that by sending me your question, you are giving me consent to post it on my site and possibly edit it for length. I post questions every Friday. I give honest advice that isn’t mean. I am not responsible for your decisions or your future. It’s going to be okay.

Photo credit: Brigitte Bardot by Bill Ray for LIFE, via LIFE photo archives hosted by Google.

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Ask Apocalypstick: Are Cash Bars Tacky?

jackie john f. kennedy wedding photo

Hi! I know you’re not a wedding blogger, but you’ve written about weddings before and you have good advice in general about stuff, so I wanted to ask you about this. Please be honest!!!!! I am engaged and I am very excited & happy and hes [sic] the best. He’s helping me with everything. There’s a big issue that came up. Should we have a cash bar at our wedding? Do you think cash bars are tacky? Our families are divided on this……we’re having a big reception and we want to give alcohol but it’s so much more expensive than I thought it would be to have a full bar. Half of everyone is saying, do a cash bar and then the other half are like NONONONONO!!! I think I know what I want to do but i [sic] just need someone not involved to give me their honest opinion….so yeah. I didn’t think it was going to be so stressful. 

Okay, let’s dance. First of all, big congratulations to you and your man! Second, who is “everyone”? There are way too many people involved here, which is probably why it’s so stressful. If you listen to everyone’s opinion, you won’t hear anything.

Since you pleaded with me to be honest, here you go: YES, CASH BARS ARE TACKY! A wedding reception is a party, which is why the people you invite are called guests. That makes you the host. Hosts do not ask guests to pay for their food or entertainment, period. The rules don’t change because it’s a wedding. You’re throwing a party because you want to celebrate with your family and friends. Thus, you need to provide for them. If you cannot afford to pay for everything for your party, then you should not have a one. If you had them over for a big party at your home, I’m assuming you wouldn’t say to them, “Please bring cash. Beer and wine is $3, mixed drinks are $5. Thanks!”

But it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I just went to my dear friend Katie’s wedding and she did a wine and beer bar. There was a special brew named after the couple along with a good variety of beers on tap and bottled, and a nice variety of wine, including champagne. At Katie’s kind request I got very, very day drunk and all was good. I even went exploring in the very pretty park and managed to avoid getting hit by the sprinkler yonder.

almie rose

Drunk daytime exploration is the best kind of exploration, fact. Also I want to point out that I was NOT wearing white. it’s light pink. It only looks white in this photo. And I cleared the dress with the bride ahead of time, just to make sure. And she said, “LOL you’re fine, that’s not white” and I said, “I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE TO AVOID FUTURE ARGUMENTS WITH MYSELF” which I clearly failed to prevent.

What do YOU think, everyone? Are cash bars tacky?

Got a relationship/dating/life question you’d like to send my way? For honest advice, email me. Please realize that anything you email me I may use and edit (mostly for length) at my discretion. 

 

Photo credit: JFK Wedding photo, 1953, by Lisa Larsen for LIFE magazine, via LIFE photo archives for Google.

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