Category Archives: driving around in LA

I'm On The Bleachers.

Lately I can’t stop listening to pop music. I switch between KIIS FM and the new station that’s on 97.1. I just go back and forth. If KIIS has a commercial I go to the other one; if the other one is playing something I don’t recognize I switch to the one; and so on and so forth until we die.
“I like the lyrics about being a cheerleader and she’s in the bleachers!” Kanye West gushed on his blog after Swiftgate ’09. Even though he was trying (poorly) to save his own ass, I think he was being serious. Those are pretty good lyrics. The whole song is just too much fun.
I totally get what Taylor Swift is saying: “Dreamin’ ’bout the day when you wake up and find/what you’re looking for has been here the whole time…why can’t you see you belong with me?” Taylor, I get it. Except I feel like you’ve never really been there. Taylor Swift you are stunning. You’re like 90 feet tall, thin as a bone, with the most elegant neck I’ve ever seen. You look not like a girl, but not yet a woman. (Thanks Brit.)
Not that I want to look older; GOD NO. I already have lines in my forehead. What the swift?? Why do I have lines in my forehead? I’m young. I don’t smoke. I put on sunscreen. What is this bullshit. I did not authorize this.
Back to Taylor Swift. Her song that I’m talking about is about a Jonas brother or something. I don’t understand the Jonas Brothers and frankly I prefer ignorance. I know there’s 3 of them: Nick, Joe…and Frankie? Newton? Chester? Jack? Jim? Harold? Timmy? And…I know they’re a band, but I think they also have a show? Are they playing themselves on the show? What the fuck is going on? No don’t tell me, I really don’t want to know.
Last night I was in the car with my friend and her boyfriend and while he was being Mr. Stormcloud in the backseat we were belting it out to Swift. Then the greatest thing happened: when the aforementioned song ended, we flipped it to the other pop station, where the same song was just starting. It was like Christmas. Christmas in our face.
The rest of the night was honestly kind of a mess for reasons not worth going into here. Unrelated but earlier in the evening we hung out in a sleek bar in Venice where we got free drinks because my friend’s boyfriend knows everyone who works there. The bartender looked like a young Tom Hanks circa Big/Splash. I don’t know why I thought that was totally hot but I did. I guess because a young Tom Hanks looks like Tom Everett Scott and that guy is legit hot. Anyway I was totally ready to hit on him like a drunk dad at batting practice but then my friend’s boyfriend said he was a douche. And that’s being nice. He actually let loose a long list of adjectives that this guy was, none of them complementary. And for once, I decided, yeah it’s not worth it. I know enough assholes. I am one. There’s really no need to add another one to that list, even if he does look like a young Tom Hanks.
I guess Taylor Swift and I are really growing up.

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