Category Archives: friends

In Which “How I Met Your Mother” Nails Friendship

Mar

2014

friendship

How I Met Your Mother is so good at being “real life” sometimes. They’re wrapping up the series and in this particular episode, they show what happens to all of the minor and secondary characters, while The Kinks sing “Where Are They Now?” over an uninterrupted 3 minute shot of each character in their little setting with narration over it. Very Wes Anderson. And then the narrator finishes with this:

You will be shocked, kids, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever.

And I went, “Oof.” Not out loud, but who knows, maybe it was out loud. I’m getting to that age where I’m less aware of what I say out loud. Which makes it sound like I’m getting to the age of 84. I am not.

But I am getting older, and I’m discovering some things about getting older that really suck. Things beyond having to use extra cash to buy boring shit like toothpaste. Things beyond worrying about paying bills, like some stupid country song you’d hear on the radio for 4 seconds because you changed the station too fast because it’s such a cliché. No, I mean things like that above quote from How I Met Your Mother.

It really is shockingly easy to part ways with people forever.

And I’m not sure how to feel about that.

Part of getting older is realizing that every relationship — even, if not especially, those you have with your friends — take work. You take your friendships for granted. You think they’ll always be there. Then somebody moves. Or goes to grad school. Or gets married. Or changes careers. And suddenly, no one has time for anyone anymore. And you become one of those thousands of people who say things like, “I’m sorry, I’m just swamped.” (Hint: do not EVER tell anyone you are “booked”. You are not a dentist’s office. You are a person. People cannot be booked. Got it? Good.)

You have no time for seeing your friends anymore, and they don’t have time to see you. You’ll go back and forth with calls and texts and emails and then one day you’ll finally catch up and it will be wonderful and you’ll say you have to do it again…and then you don’t. Ever. And then they move to New York or get married and maybe you’ll be invited and maybe you won’t, and that will be the end of it.

That’s just how it gets when you get older. And no one told me that. No one told me that when you get older, you have to work harder on your friendships. I don’t even know if I have a best friend anymore. I think those went the way of Lisa Frank stickers and Happy Meals — they faded into my youth. I’m just a boring adult who is struggling with work and money and being an adult.

So if I tell you I want to hang out with you, please, hold me to it. I’ll do my best, and I have anxiety about driving, but I’ll try real hard. Because the problem with forever is that it’s pretty damn permanent.

I miss you, Simone.

Photo by Nina Leen, 1950, via LIFE Photo Archives for Google.

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How to Make Friends After College

Dec

2013

Making friends in college isn’t hard compared to making them once you’re out of college (or are even just in your mid-late twenties.) I went to college with friends I went to high school with, so I thought we’d stay tight forever. Wow, was I wrong. But hey, these things happen. Friendships need work, just like any other relationship. And when you don’t put in the work, they wither, and yes, they can die.

So it was onto new friendships. But how would I make friends? It seemed impossible. And then I realized, the answer was in front of me the whole time.

The Internet!
Yes, the internet was more for just shopping for things I would never admit to buying on Etsy. It was for friend shopping, too. I’m going to tell you how to make friends with the help of the Internet. Here are your resources:

Your favorite blogs.

I made so many friends — real, actual friends — through blog networking. Some people commented that they loved my blog and I theirs, and we met up in person, and neither of us turned out to be crazy! Listen up though — I’m not suggesting that you send mass emails to all 50 of your favorite bloggers. I met up with lots of bloggers at a blogger conference. Yes, those exist! I went to the incredible Bloggers in Sin City, which sadly is no longer running. I almost didn’t go because the idea of meeting bloggers, people whose work I loved and read, to meet them, IRL, was scary! And what if they hated me? Or I hated them? I was stranded in Vegas! Wait, that sounds awesome. Thankfully, we all loved each other and now I have real friends, not just “internet friends.” (I even met some of my friends from — get ready for this — Livejournal. SSssshhhh.)

Facebook.

Yeah, you know Facebook? How it was originally meant to be a way for college kids to get to know each other? You can still use it that way. I’ve gotten friends through Facebook. A friend of a friend contacted me, told me she thought I was great, and would I let her buy me a drink? You’re goddamn right I would. And now we’re friends. If you met someone at a party and you both said, “We should hang out sometime”, find them on Facebook and suggest you actually hang out.

Let’s get offline for a sec. Where else can you meet people?

A class.

I don’t mean a college class, I mean an activity class. For example, I used to be into acting. I met people through acting classes that are now my friends, and they’ve (mostly) stayed with me longer than the horrible memories of some daft acting teachers, like the one who asked me in front of the entire class how old I was when I got my period (and no, it really didn’t have to do with ANYTHING, and even if it did, so not appropriate, lady!). Have you always wanted to take a knitting class? Do it! If you’re worried that everyone will be there with a group or their bestie, keep in mind there’s stragglers in every class who have no one. And sometimes, groups are very friendly and if they see you alone and you smile and say “hi”, they’ll invite you to join them.

If you’re perpetually shy, the Internet is really the best way to meet people. I’ve met people through all forms of the Internet, even Twitter!

Some tips when meeting your Internet buddy:

— Tell at least one person exactly where and when you’ll be meeting this person. Even if the person you tell isn’t within driving distance of you, it’s still good for someone to know exactly where you’ll be.

— Meet in a very public place.

— To avoid any awkwardness, have a set time that your “date” has to end. If you have work to do, let them know that you’re going to have to leave at ___o’clock so you can finish up work. Or maybe arrange something before an appointment. This helps avoid awkward goodbyes and gives you an out if the person is creepy and/or boring.

You may not be in college anymore but that doesn’t mean your days of making new friends are over. Far from it! Go to Facebook events. Say hi to people. Meet friends of friends. Be a little less shy. Not pushy, not weird, not intense, just a little less shy. It’s the first step towards doing anything, really.

Photo: Kim Novak by Eliot Elisofon, 1958 for LIFE magazine.
Reposted from The Gaggle.

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You.

Jan

2013

You. No, not you. The other you. Maybe.

I would now like to address all of the different Yous. As in, more than one person. As in, this is not all about one person.

You need to stop. This is my fault, I should have been more direct. It’s not going to happen.

You are working on being a better friend, and I really appreciate that. You’re probably the only true guy friend I have left. Even though you did that thing that I will never understand, I can’t use it against you for the rest of our lives. Also, you owe me a drink.

You were my friend and you disappeared and it’s probably because of that thing that happened. Even though we were apparently both fine with it. You’re right in what you said; what I suggested, I didn’t really want. But I do want you to be my friend again.

You seem like you want to become my friend, a real friend. I really liked that conversation we had on my couch. I was touched. But I can’t rely on you to follow up and follow through. I wish you would. But you disappear and you don’t even try.

You probably don’t even read this blog anymore. You meant a lot to me. Still do.

You are actually a wonderful guy friend. I’m so glad that happened. I wish you lived here. If things stay as they are, I accept your invitation for that thing in the spring.

You, I am so angry with you.

You and I talk about having sex, hypothetically, but I don’t know if that’s the best idea. I think you’re just lonely.

You disappeared, but it’s okay. I wasn’t feeling it anymore either. The sex was fantastic. Hope you felt that way too. Sorry your roommate thought I was being murdered. Really glad she didn’t call the police.

You wondered what happened. You pulled a classic Schmosby and honestly, that changed a lot in our dynamic. I still think you’re great though.

You are just confusing as hell, but at least you know it. I hope you know that I do want you in my life. I don’t know how. Glad it isn’t my fault. I’m not going to campaign for myself. You’ve already told me how awesome I am. If you ever figure this out, let me know. There’s no deadline. Just see what happens. There’s something there. Let’s put a pin in it.

You, I forgot to respond to your email. Sorry.

Address all of your Yous in the comment section. Very freeing.

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Flaking out on plans.

Dec

2012

We’ve all done it. We’ve all flaked out on someone. And we have our reasons, and some of them are good, and some of them are fake because we don’t actually want to say, “I have diabolical diarrhea.” But at a certain point, we all hit our limits. We say, “I get it, I’m never inviting you to anything again.” So how do we determine when that limit is?

I have some ideas:

1. They cancel, but with plenty of notice, and they have a good reason: they’re sick, or have a family thing. No problem.

2. They cancel, last minute, but it’s because they got into some sort of urgent situation or emergency. No problem.

3. They cancel, because they forgot they had other plans. Uh, okay.

4. They cancel in the sense that they don’t even really let you know until and hour or less before, or they don’t respond until you text something like, “Hey, are you coming?” Dude, not cool.

5. They do all of the above repeatedly. Oh come on, seriously?

6. They say yes to all invitations, sometimes add something like, “I’m so excited!” or “I wouldn’t miss this” but then and do the above repeatedly. STOP SAYING YES TO THINGS, YOU SODDING JERK.

Even more annoying is when they never tell you if they’re coming or not. It’s totally easy, here are your options: yes or no. If you say maybe, I don’t really know what to do with that, unless you explain something like, I have something before and I don’t know when it will be over. It’s not that I’m trying to dictate your plans or be an asshole about the whole thing, I just want to know how much food or drink I should provide or when I should get ready, or if I need to put in a plus one.

You all know who you are. And I know some of you think I’m a flake. But please know that if I don’t go to something, it’s because I am genuinely not feeling well, because I am sick all the time, like a small child in a Dickens novel, or I really do have plans.

Here’s an exception: if that person let’s you know well in advance that they can’t come and is sincerely sorry and is totally honest about their reasons, I wouldn’t give up on them. Who knows the kind of guff they’re dealing with or going through? I once didn’t go to a party because my dress didn’t fit. And neither did the 5 other ones I tried on. True story. Rather than say something like, “Cough cough, I’m sick” I told the truth, as stupid as that truth was, because that’s what you do for your friends.

What do you think?

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I guess we’re friends?

Nov

2012

On TV there’s always a group of friends who spontaneously meet up, or someone will call Tyler, and they’ll say, “Tyler, meet me at [whatever bar or coffee shop here]” and they hang up and don’t even give a time, and Tyler always shows up. And let’s not forget the ole drop-by. This happens a lot on “Beverly Hills, 90210” (the original). EVERYONE drops by Dylan’s house. I understand why TV writers do this. To show characters calling each other, or texting each other, is a lot less interesting than having them speak in person. But this trope gave me false hopes about what being an “adult” would be like. And by “adult,” I mean any cool, awesome chick from 18 – 30. From Clarissa Darling to Carrie Bradshaw. I thought that once I turned that magical adult age, I would have a close group of friends who would always be available to meet at “our” place or drop by unexpectedly.

I don’t think this is a real thing.

If you and people you know live in NYC (like the village or somewhere stupid in Brooklyn) or Los Angeles (in somewhere like Silverlake or Los Feliz or maybe even Venice) you can experience the magic TV moments of running into your friends at a nearby restaurant or other local joint. That’s why I like where I live now, even though I use to ruthlessly make fun of it all the time. I like being able to walk everywhere. I used to live in Manhattan and that was one of my favorite things, ever. To just get out of your studio apartment and walk. And see people. And things. And get hammered and take a taxi back or walk. Or if you’re really desperate, the subway. Yes, I can be quite an elitist jerk, don’t even bother pointing that out. I think that jeans and beer are for poor people. And if that shocks or upsets you, then I’m sorry. I’m like Patrick Bateman, but a woman, and with a lot less money and murders.

I think I have lots of friends. Maybe? It’s hard to tell. What’s a friend? Someone who goes to your bday party? Someone you don’t feel awkward having a one on one conversation with? Someone you know really well? I don’t really feel like I have a lot of close friends. But I have friends I can talk to. I wish I had a closely knit group, like the ones in “How I Met Your Mother” and “Friends.” But perhaps those don’t exist. At least not after college. But just once, I’d like to send out a mass text with, “MEET AT COOLBARWELIKEHERE at 9!” and everyone shows up, or at the very least, doesn’t ignore my text.

For more on friendship, read this old post: Friends.

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Things about living with a MAN.

May

2012

bachelorettes

Above: Laura prepping her boyfriend for a video we made for Hello Giggles, which you can watch here, but keep in mind it’s a satire about girls and their PERIODS.

This post is brought to you by Laura Kadner. Enjoy:

Once upon a time, I lived with my boyfriend. We moved to the worst city in the world and got a tiny studio apartment. Sometimes it was awesome and sometimes it sucked. Here are some things I learned about living with a man:

1.) Try to get an apartment with at least two rooms. In my cohabitational experience, we lived in a studio apartment. Sometimes it’s nice to be able to go in one’s own space. In a studio apartment when you get in a fight or someone’s trying to work, you’re basically trapped.

Continue reading →

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Stop right now. Thank you very much.

Jun

2011

Ladies. If you’re out with your friends and she’s hitting it off with a dude, get over it. Don’t bust in there like Ghostbusters and adjust the situation. Don’t be Harold Ramis to our Bill Murray. I’m not even sure what that means, as I saw Ghostbusters and was kinda drifting in and out of giving a fuck. I just don’t want to spell the third guy’s name. I always mess up Dan’s last name. Too lazy to google.

It’s just rude. Girl code, you know? Once time I got cockblocked by someones’ PARENTS. That was rude as FUCK. I was talking to this dude who was leaving the next day for NYC and things were sparking and then up come these parents and started talking to him like I wasn’t even there, like I was a table or something. I wandered away and that was it. PARENTS JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND.

But if your gal pal is doing this, you need to calmly confront her. Something kind and funny while getting to the point like, “Girl I had fun last night but I was totally hitting up that guy who looked like Cary Grant with a mullet until you entered the picture. You’re so pretty and smart, you could have any guy, just give me a chance, Bieber.” If they say, “No, bitch” then you need to laugh, smile and say, “Okay” and walk away laughing. Because that’s just insane and no one should have a friend who steals boys and doesn’t even care about your feelings. I’m not saying you have “dibs” on anyone but if you’re clearly hitting it off and your jealous friend steps in and dominates the conversation, she needs to sit down and know what’s up.

That’s my PSA of the day. xxo.

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A class.

Some tips when meeting your Internet buddy:

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