Category Archives: i guess this is advice

In A Nutshell Part 3


In a nutshell…

  1. If you’re really upset, try eating something. Maybe you’re just hungry.
  2. “Don’t leave your sweater on a chair at starbucks.” — My friend Katie.
  3. When you’re nervous about something, project the successful, stress-free end result in your mind. Visualization can be powerful.
  4. Cook more often.
  5. Instead of being jealous of your friends, try being happy for them instead.
  6. Having jealousy is like drinking poison and expecting it to kill someone else.
  7. Remember: Facebook is not real life. It’s a projection of life.
  8. Let your friends know you care about them, even if it’s just via a silly text.
  9. When it comes to your emotions, you’re the one in charge here. Decide how you want to feel.
  10. Do little favors for people. You may need a little favor one day.
  11. Let yourself be surprised by the world.
  12. Don’t be upset if other people don’t notice your weight loss. As long as you notice it, that’s what counts.
  13. And don’t get discouraged if you’re not losing weight as fast as you’d hoped. Just keep doing what you’re doing and you’ll see a change.
  14. You can find a solution, or you can find an excuse. An excuse is easier; a solution is rewarding.
  15. Buy a new perfume (or cologne) just for the hell of it.
  16. Find little adventures to go on during the week. Maybe it’s just switching up your supermarket. Who cares, it’s new to you — boom, instant adventure.
  17. Don’t ask for help unless you really need it. Someone who asks for help all the time isn’t fun to be around.
  18. But if you really need it, definitely ask.
  19. Stop biting your nails. It’s time.
  20. Let someone else worry for you.

In a nutshell part 2.

Photo of Bill and Hillary on their wedding day via Daily Mail.

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Summer Goals

summer goals

So, you wanna have the greatest summer ever? Why not set some summer goals? You know, little (or big) things (or thing) you want to accomplish over the summer. It will make your summer that much more rewarding, like a Hufflepuff getting house points!

My summer goal was to be a circus bear. Then I was told that is impossible, so I have revised my summer goal. My new summer goal is to be able to fit back into my “Betty Draper dress”, as seen here, a few years ago:



In 2005, my friend Kelly and I made summer goals. Her goal was to eat an entire pizza. Mine was to make out with the lead singer of Louis XIV. Remember them? They had that big song, “Finding Out True Love Is Blind.” The lead singer sounded like Mick Jagger, but didn’t look like him, so I assumed it would be an easy summer goal. Guess who completed their summer goal???? It was Kelly, obviously. The good thing about Kelly is she knew not to fly too close to the sun.

That’s important to keep in mind when making your summer goal. You want your goal to be attainable, otherwise, you’re going to be a very sad non-circus bear. Think about which category you want your goal to sit in: health, career, love, or personal growth. Maybe your summer goal is to read a new book every week. Maybe it’s to gather the courage to wear a bathing suit in public. Maybe it’s to tell your boss to go fuck himself. Hey, I don’t know, and I’m not going to judge. I want to help you reach your summer goal!

Every day do something that helps you get to your goal. If, like me, your goal is to fit into something you can’t wear anymore because YOU LACK DISCIPLINE, YOU STODGY JERK, then work out every day. If the goal is to tell the boss to fuck himself, then every day write down 5 creative ways to tell your boss to fuck himself. It’s actually very easy when you break it down!

What’s YOUR summer goal? Tell me in the comments, and I’ll try to help you achieve it!



Photo: Gordon Parks via LIFE Photo Archive for Google.

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7 Blogging Tips

blogging tips

I’m frequently asked to share my blogging tips, so I decided to make this post. Blogging can be intimidating sometimes. Sometimes you don’t even know where to begin. So here are my 6 tips, some of which I use, some of which I should use. I hope they help you with your blogging!

1. Make sure your blog has a clean, aesthetically pleasing layout.


If your blog doesn’t look pretty, no one’s going to want to read it, no matter how brilliant it is. I’m sorry to tell you this, but it’s true. Your layout needs to be easy to read — please avoid using small font and neon backgrounds (or a black background with a white or screaming neon colored font). If you’re not good at doing HTML, it’s worth it to just hire a friend who is, to make your layout. Think of your blog as your home on the Internet. You don’t want to leave a toilet on your lawn and have your house painted a horrendous color. Same goes for your blog. And make sure it’s easy to navigate. Have a search bar, too.

2. Update frequently.


This is the advice I should take. I’m terrible at this one. Ideally, you want to update your blog 3-5 times a week (not month, Almie). You want to keep your blog alive, and the only way to do that is to keep updating it. You want to give your readers something to come back to. With the Internet, I’ve found that the more you give out, the more you get back. Updating every day is a bit much, because you want people to be able to digest what you’re putting out there, but you want to update as often as you can. Make a chart and choose which days during the week you’re going to update, and at which times. (You could go even further and designate which days are going to be about which topics. Example: Mondays are fashion posts, Wednesdays are dating posts, Fridays are anything posts, etc.) And about timing…

3. Figure out that magic time to post your posts.


As for times when you should update: honestly, it’s like closing your eyes and throwing a dart at a dartboard without knowing if the board is even there. Some people will advise you to post in the morning; others say afternoon is best. I say, experiment with your blog. Try posting on a Friday night and compare to how it does vs. posting on a Monday afternoon. I always like to schedule my posts a few hours early than I normally would, so that my East Coast readers can read it at a good time, too. This is one where you’ll have to do a little research and work. Generally, weekday mornings and early-mid afternoons are best, because that’s usually when people are killing time at work. But you need to figure out what works best for YOUR blog and YOUR readers.

4. Offer your readers something they can’t get anywhere else.


Maybe it’s your awesome giveaways. Maybe it’s your irreverent Mad Men recaps. Maybe it’s your cool daily outfit photos. Maybe it’s just your writing voice. Whatever it is, it’s got to be uniquely YOU. Don’t try to do what other blogs do. Do what you WANT to do, and stick to it. I feel I offer my readers a quirky view of dating and pop culture. I feel like my unique voice is something they can only get here (and on the other sites I write for). So that’s what I try to deliver. Find what your thing is, and deliver like Dominos.

5. Engage your readers.


Don’t just blog into an empty space; think about your readers when you write, and have a call to action at the end of your post. For example, if you’re writing about the best date you’ve ever been on, try asking your readers, “What’s the best date you’ve ever been on? And why? Don’t be shy!” Let them know that you want them to chime in and contribute. Remember: your blog is your home, and you’re inviting your readers into your home.

About comments: Don’t have too many comment policies, and make it easy for people to comment. I know some bloggers have comment policies — I really don’t, you can comment anon, you can comment negative stuff about my writing as long as it has a point (as opposed to posting just, “you’re a miserable wench and I hate you”), you can comment basically whatever unless I feel threatened (like this one time someone pretended to be my dad, it was weird) — but if you want to have some comment policies like “no attacking posters” that’s fine, go for it. Just don’t have a really long list of rules, or it will keep people from commenting, and you want comments or why would you write a blog? If you’re not prepared for comments, you should write a diary instead.

And if someone comments, respond to them. I try to reply to every comment I get, because I appreciate that someone took time out of their day to talk to me.

6. Make the most of social media.


I have a Facebook page just for my blog that I use to promote things I write, as well as my Instagram feed, Twitter feed, and whatever silly/fun/funny pics I happen to find. I also sometimes promote certain posts on Twitter. Social media is such a gift to this generation; I say, use it to your heart’s content — but don’t go bananas. Don’t spam your Facebook wall or friends’ Facebook walls with your posts every day. Share it, put it out there on Pinterest, Twitter, FB, whatever — and then let it be. And a few days later, share it again, for those who may have missed it the first time. But share other things too, things that aren’t solely your content. Again, you don’t want to oversaturate with your own content; it turns people off.

7. Write what you love.


You’ve all heard that old saying, “Write what you know”? I say, write what you love. I love Billy Joel. Do I know him, or his life story? Nope, but I wanted to write about him. If you have a passion for what you’re writing, your readers will have a passion for what they’re reading. Your excitement will carry through. So only write about ideas that excite you. If something makes you go “meh”, it’s not worth writing about, because it won’t be worth reading.


So what am I missing? What blogging tips would YOU offer? Let’s make this a place to discuss the hows of blogging!

Photo by vintage19_something via Flickr.

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I’m Trying To Be A Positive Person

grumpy cat positive person

It’s way easier for me to be a negative person than a positive one, and I think that’s true of most people, but I probably only think that because I’m used to being a negative person. I wrote an article for The Gaggle titled “How To Be A Positive Person Written By A Negative One“. I believe in every word I wrote; it’s just hard to follow it sometimes. It’s like a life habit that I’m trying to break.

Q: How many negative people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: “Fuck it, we’re screwed.”

Kanye West once said, “I’m so gifted at finding what I don’t like the most” and I really resonated with that. I am incredibly gifted at finding what I don’t like the most in any situation. And if things are going poorly? I’m ready to flee the city and move back in with my mommy.

My negativity has affected my friendships and my relationship, so it’s definitely something I’m looking to change. I’m trying to change it by changing my habitual negative response. So when I feel like things are going poorly, instead of reflecting on that, I try to focus on what I have, even if it’s a small thing or total duh thing. For example, I have all my limbs. And this isn’t me being a sarcastic bitch, I am honestly grateful for my limbs. I’m a writer, so it’s pretty sweet that I have arms and hands, and I like my legs. Even if I have to start there, that’s where I’ll start.

I’m also ready to change my verbal response when I get questions like, “How have you been?” Instead of saying, “Just dealing with the crushing anxiety in the pit of my stomach every day” I say things like, “I’ve been doing well, how are you?”

Is it a lie to say you’re doing well when you’re not, or is it just positive thinking? I don’t think of it as a lie, I think of it as reinforcing the positive. If I say things are good, maybe I’ll believe that they’re good. And, again, I have all my limbs.

So, if you’re like me, you need to get your shit together. Your friends and loved ones are gonna get real tired of your complaining, if they haven’t already — and guess what, they have. From this moment onward, you need to focus on the good things you have in your life, even if it’s just “I like my hair” or “There’s a new episode of my favorite show on tonight.” It’s okay to start small. You just have to start.

Embrace the good. There’s a lot of it, if you stop being a whining jerk. Remember: life doesn’t owe you anything. It’s up to you to make the best out of life. This year is going to go by whether you do something positive or not. So do positive things, make positive changes, and be positively upbeat that it’s going to work out for you, even if you can’t see the path. Just grab a flashlight and keep walking.


Photo of my cat Billie Jean by me @apocalypstick.


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Uncommon Goods

I don’t doubt for a second that women are harder on ourselves than men. We’ll stare at our thighs and let out a stream of curse words that would make Joe Pesci say, “Whoa, chill out.” We’d stay stuff to ourselves guys would never even dream of saying to us. When men fail, they tend not to take it as personally as we do.

Let’s change that.

As someone going through what we call a “transitional period” (read: “I feel like a total fuck-up” period), I have some tips how how to not feel like a total failure, even though you may really, really want to.


So, you gained some weight.

This one sucks because no one can tell you “oh it’s all on your head” if the dress that fit you 2 years ago now seems like it was made for a doll. “WHO IS PUTTING DOLL CLOTHES IN MY CLOSET?” you want to scream. If it doesn’t zip, it doesn’t fit, and that’s just how it is. Firstly, as with all “failures” don’t feel bad about feeling bad — you’re allowed to take a moment to wallow even if it’s over not being able to fit into a skirt that’s honestly kind of ugly to begin with. So take your moment to feel bad.

NOW you have to change your current thoughts, feelings, and behaviors so that you set yourself up for a better future. That goes with any “failure.” You wallow, then you pull yourself together. Make a plan to exercise every day or every other day — or just start with once a week. Just plan it. Then do it. Then for every day you work out, put a sticker in your planner or write a big fat X. Then watch your progress grow into a sea of stickers or X’s. Go out and buy healthy foods. Start cooking for yourself at least once a week. Just start.

Sometimes, even if our clothes don’t fit, the weight gain is only visible to us. No one else can tell. We are really our own harshest critics and only we know how our clothes really fit. They might feel tighter but people don’t have X-Ray vision — they can’t tell the way you can.

And maybe it’s enough for people to notice. Okay, so what? It’s not like you drowned a bag of kittens. You decided to eat indulgently and not work out. That’s actually not a crime. That’s actually totally okay. But if you’re unhappy with it, change it. Don’t whine about it and then not change it. That’s the worst.


So, you lost your job.

This one sucks because losing your job can mean huge life changes, like having to move. Some of us are okay with big changes. Some of us resist it and hate it with everything we’ve got, like a cat in a costume.

In most cases, your job loss was not personal. It’s not like you were let go because no one liked you. And let’s say you got fired because in fact, it waspersonal. Guess what? That was a terrible work environment and you’re going to be a better person for not being there. The only way to handle a job loss is to spin it until you find the bright side. For example, now you can focus on what you really want to do. Maybe it’s time to make big career changes. Maybe now you can follow your dream. But really, do more than follow it — hunt that motherfucker down. Turn this loss into a gain.

And maybe you’re going to have to make sacrifices, like selling a major item, moving, or taking on a crappy part-time job until you find something. And it’s okay to be upset by that. But you can’t be upset about it every day for the rest of your life. You just can’t. You can, but you’ll have no friends left and you’ll be completely miserable. Is that something you actively want to choose?

You’re not a failure because you lost your job. Lots of people lose jobs. You’re only a failure if you let it define you as a person. You are not your job.


So, you got dumped.

This one sucks because it is personal. It’s the most personal thing in the world. Even if someone says, “It’s not you, it’s me” they’re still talking about you. How can you not feel hurt?

Once again, take time to mourn the loss of the relationship. Cry, shout, do what you have to do to keep yourself from holding onto any anger or sadness inside. Don’t keep it all inside. It will explode later at the company picnic when Deborah takes the last corn on the cob. That bitch. Let it out now.

Then start to heal. Think about what you learned from the relationship. We always learn something. Maybe it’s as simple as, “I’ll never date guys under 24 again.” Fine. Go with that. Just take something, anything and learn from it. Grow from it. Don’t let it make you bitter. If you let it make you bitter, you’re turning your future self into an asshole. No one likes the asshole who is caustic about relationships and uses every opportunity to bash their ex. Write about it. Make funny videos. Turn it into something positive. Even if it’s just a funny tweet. That one tweet is something good and positive, and that’s exactly what you need.


You’re only a total failure if you allow yourself to stop growing. And how do you grow? By learning from mistakes, facing change, and doing things that scare you. (At least, those are some ways.) Accept your loss, mourn it, then move on. Because you owe it to your future self. You owe your future self success, even if present self feels nothing but failure. Ignore present self. Think about future self. What do you want to do for her?


Photo credit: Uncommon Goods. Originally posted on The Gaggle, by me.


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Open Letter To Myself

Almie Rose

Dear Almie,

GET IT TOGETHER. This is the second day in a row you’ve worn sweatpants and I’m guessing tomorrow will be the third. Okay, so you gained some weight, and sweat pants are maybe the only thing that fit you comfortably right now. But you can’t keep doing this. It’s unseemly. You’re not a college student. You can’t roll out of bed in sweatpants and then wear the sweatpants with a hoodie up top. You just CAN’T.

And STOP DRINKING WINE AT 3-4 IN THE AFTERNOON. Yeah, you’re a freelance writer, you can do it, but can doesn’t mean should. And yeah, maybe it makes you a better writer, because you feel freer. And yeah, maybe it’s cheaper than going out. And yeah, okay, you know what, go ahead and keep drinking.

Look, it’s okay that you hate pants. We all hate pants. It’s okay. Pants are the enemy. If they don’t have an elastic waistband, they’re not worth wearing. But don’t use that as an excuse to wear sweatpants every day. You gained the weight, you can take it off. You’re being lazy.

AND YOU HATE LAZINESS. “Don’t be afraid to try again. Everyone goes south, every now and then.” Who said that, Almie? Who said that? That’s right, Billy Fucking Joel said that. What does that have to do with anything? Well, it’s playing right now. So…so there’s that. What was the point? Oh yeah, laziness. DON’T BE THAT WAY. Laziness is an abhorrent trait. You work really hard but you relax just as hard. I know that at the end of the day, the last thing you feel like doing is the dishes, but who’s going to them if you don’t? Yeah you could wait around for your boyfriend to do them for you, but do you really want to do that? I mean, yeah you kind of do. BUT DON’T DO THAT. HE AIN’T YO MAID, GIRL. Is he Robin Williams in a wig? No? Then are we to understand he’s not Mrs. Doubtfire? Correct. He is NOT Mrs. Doubtfire. You’ve been over this theory and it’s been debunked, as he looks NOTHING LIKE Mrs. Doubtfire.


Okay, let’s just sum this up: get it together, lose weight, wear less sweatpants, do the dishes.

Good talk.



If you could write an open letter to yourself, what would it say? Write your own in the comments.

Photo credit: Patrick Gookin.


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How to Make Friends After College

Eliot Elisofon / LIFE

Making friends in college isn’t hard compared to making them once you’re out of college (or are even just in your mid-late twenties.) I went to college with friends I went to high school with, so I thought we’d stay tight forever. Wow, was I wrong. But hey, these things happen. Friendships need work, just like any other relationship. And when you don’t put in the work, they wither, and yes, they can die.

So it was onto new friendships. But how would I make friends? It seemed impossible. And then I realized, the answer was in front of me the whole time.

The Internet!
Yes, the internet was more for just shopping for things I would never admit to buying on Etsy. It was for friend shopping, too. I’m going to tell you how to make friends with the help of the Internet. Here are your resources:


Your favorite blogs.

I made so many friends — real, actual friends — through blog networking. Some people commented that they loved my blog and I theirs, and we met up in person, and neither of us turned out to be crazy! Listen up though — I’m not suggesting that you send mass emails to all 50 of your favorite bloggers. I met up with lots of bloggers at a blogger conference. Yes, those exist! I went to the incredible Bloggers in Sin City, which sadly is no longer running. I almost didn’t go because the idea of meeting bloggers, people whose work I loved and read, to meet them, IRL, was scary! And what if they hated me? Or I hated them? I was stranded in Vegas! Wait, that sounds awesome. Thankfully, we all loved each other and now I have real friends, not just “internet friends.” (I even met some of my friends from — get ready for this — Livejournal. SSssshhhh.)



Yeah, you know Facebook? How it was originally meant to be a way for college kids to get to know each other? You can still use it that way. I’ve gotten friends through Facebook. A friend of a friend contacted me, told me she thought I was great, and would I let her buy me a drink? You’re goddamn right I would. And now we’re friends. If you met someone at a party and you both said, “We should hang out sometime”, find them on Facebook and suggest you actually hang out.


Let’s get offline for a sec. Where else can you meet people?


A class.

I don’t mean a college class, I mean an activity class. For example, I used to be into acting. I met people through acting classes that are now my friends, and they’ve (mostly) stayed with me longer than the horrible memories of some daft acting teachers, like the one who asked me in front of the entire class how old I was when I got my period (and no, it really didn’t have to do with ANYTHING, and even if it did, so not appropriate, lady!). Have you always wanted to take a knitting class? Do it! If you’re worried that everyone will be there with a group or their bestie, keep in mind there’s stragglers in every class who have no one. And sometimes, groups are very friendly and if they see you alone and you smile and say “hi”, they’ll invite you to join them.


If you’re perpetually shy, the Internet is really the best way to meet people. I’ve met people through all forms of the Internet, even Twitter!


Some tips when meeting your Internet buddy:

— Tell at least one person exactly where and when you’ll be meeting this person. Even if the person you tell isn’t within driving distance of you, it’s still good for someone to know exactly where you’ll be.

— Meet in a very public place.

— To avoid any awkwardness, have a set time that your “date” has to end. If you have work to do, let them know that you’re going to have to leave at ___o’clock so you can finish up work. Or maybe arrange something before an appointment. This helps avoid awkward goodbyes and gives you an out if the person is creepy and/or boring.

You may not be in college anymore but that doesn’t mean your days of making new friends are over. Far from it! Go to Facebook events. Say hi to people. Meet friends of friends. Be a little less shy. Not pushy, not weird, not intense, just a little less shy. It’s the first step towards doing anything, really.


Photo: Kim Novak by Eliot Elisofon, 1958 for LIFE magazine.
Reposted from The Gaggle.


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