Category Archives: music

Heaven Is Overrated.

Pictured: not Train.

If you’re a part of my generation then you are more than familiar with the hit sounds of Train. I’m not talking about that Train that Ringo made sure was on schedule, but that was a good show, I’m talking about Meet Virginia, Soul Sister, motherfucking DROPS of JUPITER Train. And I happened to score an exclusive interview with the lead singer. Because I made it up.

APOCALYPSTICK: Hi, lead singer of Train!
LEAD SINGER OF TRAIN: (breaking into song) HAAAA-AAAY. HAAAAAAAAAAAY. HAAAA-AAAY HAAA-AAAAY.
A: Oh yeah, like that song you guys have that’s everywhere. How are you?
LST: Train!
A: Right, sure. Let’s start with the tough questions. Who would win in a knife fight: you or Rob Thomas?
LST: I am a peaceful man and I don’t believe in violence.
A: Okay but let’s say you’re in a knife fight with the Smashmouth guy, who would win?
LST: I would. I would stab the shit out of that guy.
A: Excellent. We thank you. In “Drops of Jupiter” you sing that, “She checks out Mozart while she does Tae Bo”. What the hell does that mean?
LST: She works out in front of a bust of Mozart. He’s great thinspiration. I thought I made that pretty obvious.

A: You seem to have an obsession with women working out. In “Meet Virgina” you sing about a girl who, “Wears high heels when she exercises.” You know women don’t do that, right?
LST: It’s a metaphor.
A: For what?
LST: For… (long silence) …America.
A: Okay. So back to “Drops Of Jupiter”–
LST: Are you going to keep asking me about “Drops Of Jupiter”?
A: From this point on, all questions will be about “Drops Of Jupiter” and “Drops Of Jupiter” only. Did you know that of this song and your performance of it at the Grammy’s a few years back, Kanye West said, “I liked when Train did ‘Drops of Jupiter.’ That was the first time I’d heard that song and I was like, ‘Oh shit, this is great!’”
LST: Yeah, Kanye and I are really tight.
A: Really? How so?
LST: I follow him on Twitter.
A: Uh…well, I mean…so do I. So does everyone.
LST: Yeah but I follow him really closely.
A: It doesn’t sound like you guys aren’t that close.
LST: We’re close. I always know exactly what’s on his mind.
A: So does everyone else. He’s Kanye West. He makes it known.
LST: (Pause.) Can we go back to “Drops Of Jupiter”?

A: Please. That song defined my high school years. Well, not all of them, just one. It wasn’t really the full year, it was maybe like six months. Or maybe it was in middle school, I have no concept of time. Then I kind of forgot about it, because I stopped buying those “Now That’s What I Call Music” CDs but then I got to that point where it was cool and fun to reminisce over 90s music and then I remembered the song and got in stuck in my head for another six months and now I think it’s the greatest pop song ever written, but my friend Dave says it sucks. What do you think?
LST: I think your friend Dave is a dick.
A: Oh snap! Now let’s talk about that key change, because the key change is what really makes the song. (I’m referring towards the end of DoJ: “did the wind sweep you off your feet“).
LST: That was my idea, that was all my idea. I have ideas.
A: Was the line about the soy latte your idea too? And, hey, what’s the best soy latte you’ve ever had?
LST: I don’t drink coffee. I just put that in there because it rhymed.
A: …It did? With what?
LST: It rhymed with this line we had before it but then we took that line out.
A: “She acts like summer and walks like rain.” How does one do that?
LST: Summer was this bitch I dated in high school and Rain is an exotic dancer with a limp.
A: You look so good and you’re in your 40s, how do you do it? You’re legit hot.
LST: Trains!!
A: Thank you for this made-up interview. I can’t wait for your next hit song that will nestle in my brain and play in a car commercial.

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I’m Not In Love.

Hey everyone! Sorry I haven’t updated in a while. I’ve been sick. Please enjoy this Crystal Castles video (featuring Robert Smith) directed by the amazing  Ian Asbjornsen. I have a quick cameo in it as well as a cameo by an actress who may or may not have starred in The O.C.

Happy Christmas John (happy Christmas Yoko)!

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You’re A Sad Girl In The 1970s: A Mix Tape.

(Cover by the amazing Emily.)

TRACKLISTING:

1. I’m Not In Love — 10cc

2. The Air That I Breathe — Olivia Newton-John

3. If You Could Read My Mind — Gordon Lightfoot

4. Without You — Harry Nilsson

5. If You Leave Me Now — Chicago

6. At Seventeen — Janis Ian

7. How Deep Is Your Love — The Bee Gees

8. The Time Has Come — Anne Briggs

9. Mona Lisas And Mad Hatters — Elton John

10. Superstar — The Carpenters

11. So Far Away — Carole King

12. Wild World — Cat Stevens

13. Vienna — Billy Joel

This is a great mix to listen to while you’re hanging yourself.

Download here. I hope I did it right. Let me know what you think.

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If Indie Met Disney.

I’m sorry but who were those assholes who said money can’t buy you happiness? It wasn’t The Beatles; they said money can’t buy you love, and I agree with that. But money can definitely buy you happiness. Think it doesn’t? Tell that to the women in Sephora. If I had money I would buy a tasty little Spyder like the one James Dean had. But unlike James Dean I wouldn’t, uh, crash to death in it. Don’t get me wrong — Alfie is my dream and he is everything I could ever want and I love him to death — Alfie being my Mini Cooper convertable. But a vintage Spyder 550 (or remake of one) would be something I might consider marrying.

If I had ridiculous sums of money I think another fun thing to do would put together an album of Disney songs as reinterpreted by Indie bands. You know. Just because I could. It would look something like this:

1.) Hakuna Matata (The Lion King) — Vampire Weekend.

This is perfect, right? You can already hear them singing this in your head, can’t you? Let Vampire Weekend inflict their stolen Paul Simon sound on Hakuna Matata because it would be so right.

2.) Part Of Your World (The Little Mermaid) — Girls

Have you gotten on the Girls train yet? Why the hell not? Tickets are free, there’s plenty of room, and there’s even a cute little dessert cart that comes down the aisle. This is what I’ve gathered from reading about trains, as I haven’t been on a train in a few years and it was more like a glorified subway car and I took too many xanax and slammed my head against the metal ledge on the window. Gosh I love Girls! “I’ve got gadgets and gismos a plenty” I can hear Christopher Owens moan. Girls isn’t made up of real girls but don’t tell me that they couldn’t convey the heartache that Ariel felt because they totally could.

3.) Theme From Disneyland’s Main Street Electrical Parade — MGMT

If you’re a fan of Disneyland you either find the Main Street Electrical Parade music charming or extremely irritating. If you’re a fan of modern music you either find the music of MGMT charming or extremely irritating. It’s a match made in keyboard heaven! Don’t know what the theme sounds like? Look it up! I’m sure it’s on youtube somewhere. Don’t make me do everything for you. I’m not your nanny. I never had a nanny. I had a Guatemalan housekeeper named Grace and she loved us. That’s even better.

4.) Colors Of The Wind (Pocahontas) — Bjork

Is this too obvious? OK tell you what. If you still need convincing I will do a quick little video of me as Bjork doing this song. I know, right, I’m like the drunk girl at a party who’s shouting to no one, “DON’T make me show you my boobs!!!!” and then takes off her shirt to the sounds of silence.

5.) Kiss The Girl (The Little Mermaid) — M. Ward

I like M. Ward’s version of Let’s Dance. If he can turn Let’s Dance into a haunting song about love and destruction and add seagull noises that actually only add to the strange beauty of it, think of what he could do with an already tender song about really wanting to kiss a girl, “floating in a blue lagoon”? Guys…I think I just fainted a little.

6.) Cruella DeVille (The 101 Dalmatians) — She & Him

I swear, I’m not even a huge fan of M. Ward but how perfect would Zooey D’s old time jazzy voice sound on this track? I say track because that’s what people in music say. I know this because I’ve seen Spinal Tap a few times. “We say, ‘Love your brother.’ We don’t say it really, but…” “We don’t literally say it.” “No, we don’t say it.” “We don’t really, literally mean it.” “No, we don’t believe it either, but…” “But we’re not racists.” “But that message should be clear, anyway.” “We’re anything but racists.”

7.) Once Upon A Dream (Sleeping Beauty) — Camera Obscura

I can already hear some of you muttering, “Oh, yeah, Camera Obscura, so indie, Apolcaypstick…for 2004! Lame.” To that I say, get back to fixing Lost, J. J. Abrams.

8.) Let’s Go Fly A Kite (Mary Poppins) — Charlotte Gainsbourg (with Beck producing)

With her perfect diction and almost wispy voice I think Charlotte Gainsbourg could make a fun, if eerie, production out of this. Why isn’t she stopping in LA on her tour? Why does she have to go to Coachella? Ugh, Coachella.

9.) I Won’t Say I’m In Love (Hercules) — Dum Dum Girls

I don’t know much about these here Dum Dum Girls but I love their latest album and I think their fuzzy beach rock would improve this already kick ass song that I maybe sing really loudly in my car. I’m thinking they would slow it down a little, stick a tambourine in there, and it’s a hit. On the blogs.

10.) Gaston (Beauty and the Beast) — ???

TRICK QUESTION there is no band/singer out there that would do justice to this amazing song. Can you think of one?

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Vegas, Baby!

Hi Everyone,

I’m back. With photos!

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This shit is indoors.

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My Life With Nicolas Cage: A Love Story.

Enjoy the swingin’ tunes of Ann-Margret. She’s one of my all time favorites.

Thirteen Men — Ann-Margret
There’ll Be Some Changes Made — Ann-Margret
You’re The Boss — Ann-Margret & Elvis
The Good Life — Ann-Margret
C’est Si Bon — Ann-Margret

I am far too much of a nervous person for gambling. As soon as I won I practically ran away. The first time I sat down at a table, my first time in Vegas, my first time gambling, I played Blackjack and I got 21 on my first hand. “I’m out!” I said, and walked away. Then for the rest of the trip I proceeded to eat everything in my line of vision. The endless stream of buffets is how life should be everywhere. The weight I gained was probably the equivalent to that of a small toddler. But it was worth it.

Check This Recording in a few days for my review of Las Vegas! That’s right I review THE WHOLE CITY.

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Happy Blogiversary.

relivelastnight.com
Photo from www.relivelastnight.com.

Yesterday marks one year that I have had this blog. I want to thank you guys for reading this thing. I want to thank you for telling your friends about it. I want to thank you for leaving comments. Whenever I see a comment notice in my inbox my heart swells. I love all of you. Wait, not that guy. That guy is awful. But the rest of you. Thank you. Let’s just hug forever.

Tomorrow I am going to Las Vegas. My brother is on spring break and we’re going to do it right. I have a sore throat so I’m already a little worried. But I remain confident that good times are ahead. I have never been to Vegas before. Anything that I NEED to do? Or, more importantly, anything that I NEED to eat? I’m serious. Throw your food/restaurant recommendations here. I want a restaurant that has a live ape in it. Or all of the waiters are dressed as The Beatles in various decades. Or maybe the entire place is underground. The weirder, the better.

I will be back soon! In the meantime you can always add me on twitter or ask me a question on formspring.

See you later.

xoxo,

Gossip Michael Caine

More, More, More — Andrea True Connection
Kiss Me Deadly — Lita Ford
Da Da Da — Belaire
Bend It — Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich
Nowhere’s Nigh — Parts & Labor
Common People — William Shatner & Joe Jackson
Parentheses — The Blow
Falling In Love With Myself Again — Sparks

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The Crying Game.

 

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Sometimes I just feel like crying. I don’t know why. There isn’t any reason. I just feel like it’s something to do. Usually I can cry on demand but sometimes it just doesn’t happen. I don’t know if it’s because I’m dehydrated or what. But I can’t do it. Then I feel like a huge failure.

Big always makes me cry. Not the whole film, but the end.

On my facebook profile I wrote, “I like to listen to Elton John and cry.” It’s a joke but sometimes when I do feel like I need a good cry, there are a few songs I like to listen to.

Drive, The Cars, 1984.
Oh my God, this song. When I listen to this song I like to wear my oversized sweater with the cowl neck that doubles as a hood, and I like to put that hood on and just watch my eyes tear in the mirror. I picture myself in an 80s film, and I’m singing this song at the prom, because I’m the weird kid that wasn’t cool until after high school, the one who was in the band at prom but not asked to the actual prom, and I’m wearing a short spandex 80s dress or maybe a short tulle one and I’m singing “Drive” and I’m singing it right to the brown eyed boy I loved all through the film but who asked my friend out to prom instead of me and we’re all going off to college in a few days and I’ll never see him again and he sees me singing to him and he realizes what a mistake he’s made in not loving me and his eyes tear and my eyes tear and it’s one of those movie moments that defines everyones’ teenage years.

Five Years, David Bowie, 1972.
David Bowie sings about the upcoming apocalypse. How we all only have five years left on earth. Needless to say, it’s not a song you would sing at a wedding. It makes me think about what I would do if I only had five years left. I would probably get really, really fat.

I’ll See You In My Dreams, as sung by Joe Brown at the Concert for George, 2002.
George Harrison died and all of his famous musician friends got together and held a concert in his honor. Joe Brown sings this song on a ukulele, George’s favorite instrument, and the entire audience claps along, and then the strings come in, and I just imagine if I had to sing this for my friend who passed, and I just can’t even deal. I wouldn’t be able to get through it but he does and so simply, so beautifully. Why did half of the Beatles have to die? Why couldn’t it be Genesis instead? I’m sorry, that’s mean. Phil Collins is terrible but he shouldn’t have to die for it.

Hey Mama, Kanye West, 2005.
As if this song weren’t touching enough it took on a whole new meaning after Kanye’s mom died. Now all I want to do is sob hysterically every time I hear it. But it’s too good of a song not to listen to. Jon Brion produced “Late Registration” on which Hey Mama appears and you can clearly hear his influence in this song. His carefully lush and plucked chords come in about halfway through the song and it adds a whole new level that makes me want to hug my mom forever, then Kanye, and then just kill myself. Kanye is clearly confused right now. He’s dating Amber Rose but he’s supposed to be dating Almie Rose. Should I let him know? Or should I just let him be happy? Kanye when you realize it’s Almie Rose you were supposed to pursue, just get in touch with me. I have always been on your side.

Drive — The Cars

On a happier note, thank you guys for your congratulations and messages of good will. You’re the best readers anyone could ever have, and I don’t know how I can properly thank you for sticking with me. I’m hugging my computer right now.

Cheers.

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