no i’m not drunk

Nov

6

2013

Piano Man

Billy Joel’s “Piano Man” has reached now legendary status, but it wasn’t always that way. My cousin and his fiancé told me a story about Billy Joel that I hope is true, because if it isn’t, it really ruins everything I’m about to write. They said that Billy Joel was struggling with his record label. […]

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{ 20 comments }

Posted in: i guess this is advice, no i'm not drunk

What if you ordered something really delicious and your date ordering something very average and you feel bad for them but at the same time you’re just full of disgust and annoyance, because why the hell would you order anything but melted cheese on top of something? What if you were on a dinner date […]

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{ 16 comments }

Posted in: dating, no i'm not drunk

May

28

2013

my future self.

Okay so I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go ’round and ’round but there’s really no wheels aside from the ones in my head and they are spinning. I cannot focus on anything except the wrong things, like how loud this typing sounds and how annoying those goddamn children are next door and how […]

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Posted in: fear and loathing, i don't even know, no i'm not drunk, no seriously I'm not drunk, Oh that's dark

Starbucks is full of minor annoyances that make my life really, really hard. It’s like, I have to return some videotapes and make my reservation at Dorsia and I don’t have time to deal with your fucking bullshit, Starbucks. There’s a Starbucks that knows me, and do you know what that feeling is like? It’s […]

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Posted in: Minor annoyances, no i'm not drunk, patrick bateman

Disclaimer because this post will probably upset people: to the guys I’ve been out with on OKC lately, who are probably not even reading this, this doesn’t refer to you, so calm the fuck down, even though you pretend you don’t care, but you totally do, because all anyone wants is to be flattered, especially on […]

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Posted in: dating, fear and loathing, no i'm not drunk, no seriously I'm not drunk, Oh that's dark, rampant use of the word fuck, relationships

This post was written last Friday around 10:30 PM. Have you felt that moment when you look up someone you had a crush on and they have a girlfriend and live in fucking KOREA I AM SO FUCKING LONELY? What the hell and why do I ruin everything? This was in college and I had […]

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Posted in: dating, memories of my youth, new york, no i'm not drunk, rampant use of the word fuck, relationships, sex

Here are some things that I’m ~~really into~~ lately. I found all of these photos on Pinterest and Instagram. 10. Me. I am just soooo into me right now. Look at what an amazing child I was. Not much has changed. I’ve had bags under my eyes since I was six and I have the […]

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{ 13 comments }

Posted in: Kiss On My List, no i'm not drunk, rampant use of the word fuck, shit that I am so into right now