Category Archives: relationships

10 Things British Guys Will Love About You

british guys

Allow me to state the obvious: British guys are dreamy. If that’s a stereotype, I hope it’s one they’re happy to bear. So when approached me about writing this post, I said, absolutely. It’s hard to resist a British man; they seem so utterly charming no matter what, even if they’re cursing. (They actually sound bloody fantastic when they curse.) It’s no secret that I adore British men (for example, Sir Paul McCartney is my ideal boyfriend), and I’m clearly not alone. Hooray for Brits!

But what may surprise you is that are certain things British men adore about us, as well. I asked some British guys who date American women what they love most about non-British ladies, and was, shall we say, chuffed, by their responses. Here are 10 things British guys will love about you!

(Of course, it should be noted that all men are different — as are women — and results may vary.)


10.) Your accent!

That’s right, the accent adoration is a two-way street. One particular Brit has a fondness for Texan girls. You may think you may not even have an accent, but you totally do, and they find it delightful. So own it!

9.) Your openness.

American women in particular, are a lot more open compared to their British counterparts (especially English girls). That isn’t to say that all English women are closed-off; it’s just that American women have a certain breezy, carefree “my life is an open book” way of living.

8.) Your frank conversation.

British men love that we’re more than willing to “go there” and call out what needs calling out. One Brit noted that we have, “the readiness to engage in conversation”, and we’re not shy about it. They appreciate that level of boldness, that we’ll just walk up to them and say what’s on our minds, and that over cocktails, we’ll keep it real.

7.) Your sense of humor.

Brits are well-known for their signature dry sense of humor, but that doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate our “goofy” sense of humor as well. I’ve always believed that bonding over humor is one of the best ways for a couple to connect, so don’t be afraid to crack a few jokes (and we know you won’t be).

6.) Your attitude towards sex.

To be frank (and we’ve learned that we should be), British men do in fact like that, contrary to popular belief, America isn’t as hung up on sex as you would think. I’m not saying that American girls are “easy” or anything so crass or disrespectful; I’m saying that we have a certain openness about sex, be it sexual innuendo and/or jokes, which suggests that we don’t take the whole thing too seriously.

5.) Your sense of fun.

“There is also the fun side, not fearing appearing stupid in the pursuit of having fun,” one British man revealed. “It’s somewhat endearing.” Hear that, ladies? Don’t be afraid to have fun! Embrace every moment and go with the flow, as they say.

4.) Your brashness.

Did you know there’s a stereotype British men have about American women — that we’re brash? And did you know that they kind of love it? Sure, some of them think we’re “too loud”, but some praise us for being “slightly aggressive.” Just keep in mind that being brash is okay — being full on rude is not.

3.) Your smile.

This one surprised me, but one British man I spoke to commented specifically about the smile of American women. “I think, on average, [American women] actually have a wider smile…and are ALWAYS using it — though they might just be reacting to an English accent, who knows.” I never really thought about it, but I suppose we are a smiley bunch.

2.) Your confidence.

Having confidence on a date or while flirting can be hard, but many British men singled out our confidence as being an especially desirable quality. One man reported, “There’s nothing more sexy than a self-assured confident woman…I’ve never met an American woman that’s isn’t — [it’s] hot!” And why wouldn’t it be? Who doesn’t love someone who is completely confident (NOT cocky, but confident)? So do whatever it is you have to do to boost your confidence, whether it’s wearing your favorite pair of sky-high heels or psyching yourself up in the mirror beforehand. Hey, no shame in that game.

1.) Your total adoration of British men!

Simply put, British men aren’t mad that non-British women are crazy for them. They know simply being British is like having a superpower, and they’re well aware of the spell they cast. And they kind of dig how into it we are.


Photo by Ludovic Bertron via Flickr.


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My Ex Boyfriend Is Getting Married


Oh dear Internet Blog, how are you? I’m doing well. I had an interesting discovery about 3 1/2 weeks ago that I’m hesitating to share, because I really don’t want to disrespect my boyfriend. He’s amazing. So this was very, very hard to write. This blog, though, is made for me to vent my feelings, and since I’ve ignored you so, I feel it’s time to open up. That’s what this blog is all about, right? Right. So here we go.

One of my ex boyfriends is engaged. Engaged to be married, not for battle. Just thought I’d clarify.

Let me make this clear: I am not upset that I am not engaged to him. I have an amazingly wonderful boyfriend whom I wouldn’t exchange for anyone else. Except for maybe Paul McCartney, but he knows that, and he’s okay with that. So this isn’t about that.

What it’s about, is realizing that I have now reached an age where ex boyfriends are getting engaged, and that’s scary as hell. I’m not ready for this. Note: this is the same ex I wrote about here and here (oh, and wrote about him in my book, which you can get here. Did you think I was above self-promotion, even in deepest honesty?). It seems like so long ago, and I guess it is, and I should be okay with that. Except for I resist the march of time. I can’t help but resist it.

This ex is even younger than I am (by three years, which can be a lot when you’re in your twenties. On our first date, he couldn’t legally order an alcoholic drink. That’s how much.) He’s younger, and yet, by getting engaged, he makes it appears as though he has his shit together. Having your shit together is something we all strive to do. Getting married appears to be a sign of having your shit together. No mind if your shit is as unassembled as an Ikea dining room table; it’s appearances that matter.

Because I know and realize that getting married does not automatically = having your shit together. Anyone can get married. It’s not like it’s hard to get married. What’s hard is having a good, solid marriage. That’s the real thing. And I know that, I do.

But, I can’t help but hear this news and reflect on my own life. Cue The Beatles ~~**”In My Life”**~~

No, but seriously, what in the everloving fuck am I doing with my life? Yeah, some things are good. I’ve got my health, a house, a great roommate (I’ve moved since I last updated, I had to move twice in 1 year, but I figured that shit out I did), and lots of freelance work. And, a fabulous boyfriend.

But what I don’t have, is a solid career. I want to get into TV writing, and I’m working on it, but holy shit, it’s a long and daunting road. That’s like “The Long And Winding Road”, but with more honesty. “The long and daunting road/that leads me/to your floor/because I am so drunk/wait where am I/don’t leave me lying here/barfing on your flooooooooor.” And I’m trying to get there — “I’m trying to be the shepherd, Ringo” — but goddamn, it’s hard. And I realize it’s hard; it’s supposed to be hard.

Getting older is hard for some people. Hard and weird. (That’s what she said? Sorry.) And apparently, it doesn’t get any easier. My friend told me, “Things get even weirder in your mid thirties. Two of my best friends just got married for the second time. Also, I’m still not over my ex having a baby, which could be why I’ve spent the past month sleeping with a sleazy investment banker dude who more or less is a decent person but still pretty sleazy.”

So what’s the point of it all? Well, that’s a little too deep for this blog. I’ve always said, the meaning of life is to live. So, like Mr. McCartney, I’m going to live and let die. And I wish the absolute best to my ex.

Have you reached the life milestone where an ex gets engaged? How did you feel?


Photo by Nina Leen for LIFE Photo Archives For Google.


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Facebook Sucks, Part 2

Facebook sucks

I’ve said before and I’ll say it again: Facebook sucks. Once again, I have embarrassed myself on Facebook, and I only had the best of intentions.

I got back together with my ex boyfriend. Not because I hate being single but because it feels right. At this point, our not being together only seems like a pause in the relationship; we’ve been together longer than we haven’t.

So I wanted to make it official, by changing my status on Facebook to “in a relationship”, which is something I’ve never done before, ever. I thought it would be a simple process. I thought it would go over with little fanfare.

How very wrong I was.

You see, Facebook took it upon itself to EMAIL MY FRIENDS PERSONALLY, to let them know I’m in a relationship. If I had known it was going to do that, I wouldn’t have changed my status. Here’s how it went down. I blurred the last names and faces of those involved:



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Time for another RELATIONSHIP VIDEO!


L to R: Me, Kaity, Jordan. Don’t I look just precious??

My roommate, actress Jordan Hinson, and our fabulous friend Kaity, are doing a relationship advice video. I’ve done them before, here, with Max Landis. Now I’m relying on my gal pals to help me out.

Got a question about relationships? Dating? Sex? We’re here to help. There are three ways to send us your question:

  1. Tweet me @apocalypstick.
  2. Send it to me at my formspring.
  3. Comment here.

We will do our best to answer. We will probably be drunk, so get ready for some realness.

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I Hate Being Single

hate being single

So here’s a thing about being single: I hate it. I hate being single. I hate every part about it. I hate when coupled people tell you that it’s “fun” to be single. Like we’re going to or throwing outlandish parties every night.

hate being single

Pictured: my single life.

No. It’s really more like this:

hate being single

My whole life is like a pair of George Costanza’s pants. Interpret that how you will.

And I hate when coupled people say something like, “I miss being single/Hell, I wish I were single” — it’s like, really? You sure you wanna say that, because that’s a terrible thing to say. I’m telling your bf/gf just to spite you.

Being single sucks, honestly. You never have a date for anything, you have no idea where the next person is going to come from (or when), there’s a lot of lonely nights, and you don’t have someone to share fun inside jokes with. Some people consider all of these things pluses. I see them as big minuses. I want someone to have fun inside jokes with. The kind of jokes that lead to kisses and snuggling. And I don’t even particularly like cuddling and snuggling. I get bored. But damnit it, I want it. I want to know where my next inside joke is coming from.

“Where is my John Wayne,” sang Ms. Paula Cole. “Where is my prairie song? Where is my happy ending? Where have all the cowboys gone?” I don’t necessarily want a cowboy; I don’t think we’d have much to relate to. He’d be like, “I’m on a horse” and I’d be all like, “I hate horses, they scare me, they look like monsters.”

What I’m saying is, I just want to jump into my next relationship, but I’m not going to do it hastily; I still have high standards for myself, as any gal should. I’m not just gonna tango with the next guy who asks me to tango. Tango is a euphemism. For relationships. (Sometimes my writing is really complex, so I thought I should break that down.) I want to jump in, with my stupid full heart. I want a partner. I want the Don to my Roger, in a romantic way. I want to face the world knowing I have someone to text about it. Someone who will read the text and be touched that I thought of them.

I hate being single.

Do you relate?


Photo by Nicolas Venturelli via Flickr.


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How To Get Over Yet Another Break-Up


Oh blog, I’m sorry I abandoned ye. Here’s what happened:

I got dumped. Yes, yet another break-up to go through.

And I didn’t even see it coming, which is the worst.

One minute you’ve got a boyfriend and a best friend, and a few minutes later, you’ve got a stranger. And you go from signing emails with “love” to “good luck.” And that’s the hardest part, that strange new world you’re in where everything is different and you’re just trying to see what life will bring in the next 5 minutes because thinking of anything beyond 5 minutes is just too much, too much, too much.

Tolkien once wrote, “Not all those who wander are lost” but some of us are, some of us are really fucking lost and are checking Google maps while texting our ex.

But I’m surviving. I may even be thriving. And one way that I survive and thrive is by making break-up videos. So I present to you, “How To Get Over Yet Another Break-Up.”

Check out the videos “How To Get Over A Break-Up” here (the one that started it all), and “How To Get Over Another Break-Up” here.


Photo by Patrick Gookin.


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Ask Apocalypstick: When Should I Dump My Boyfriend?


Boyfriend dilemmas are a very special kind of pain and frustration. Our latest question for the Ask Apocalypstick series comes from someone who needs some boyfriend help.

My boyfriend of 15 months is mostly a pretty great guy, but a month ago he had a big freak out. Our whole relationship we’ve been talking about getting married, our future together, etc. But now I’m not allowed to mention the future or marriage or question why he won’t move closer to me. Should I keep dating someone who doesn’t want to marry me?? Oh yeah p.s we met in Australia and I moved here for him 4 months ago. — Anon

It’s very telling that you addressed your email to me with “when” should I dump my boyfriend, instead of leaving it open. It’s kind of like you know what you want to do. But here’s my advice.

The whole “not allowed” part worries me. If you truly feel that you’re “not allowed” to ask your boyfriend about major life issues that involve you, that’s not good.  If you feel you can’t ask him a reasonable question like “why won’t you move closer to me?” that is also not good.

You’ve been together for 15 months. I can understand why someone would have a “big freak out” around this point in the relationship. He may feel that talking about marriage is expected and fine and good, but now actually taking the steps towards marriage is making him nervous. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to get married. It means he has to accept that he has to grow up and give up a life he’s been used to for years and years. That can be scary. And sometimes, people act irrationally when they’re scared. Which it sounds like he’s doing. He’s probably also feeling a tremendous amount of pressure considering that you moved for him.

I’m not excusing his behavior. He needs to be an adult. You need to tell him that you can understand his fear and concerns, which is why you’d like to sit down with him and talk it out. You’re a person and you’re worthy of his time, consideration, and kindness. Set a timer for an hour if you have to. If he can’t give you one hour of real talk about your lives, he’s not going to give you years of marriage. And if marriage is what you want, then you shouldn’t make any more sacrifices that aren’t headed in that direction and only make you unhappy.

What do you guys think? Help Anon out.


If you’d like to ask me a question, send it on over. Please note if you’d like to be anon or use a fake name. Also realize that by sending me your question, you are giving me consent to post it on my site and possibly edit it for length. I post questions every Friday. I give honest advice that isn’t mean. I am not responsible for your decisions or your future. It’s going to be okay.

Photo credit: Brigitte Bardot by Bill Ray for LIFE, via LIFE photo archives hosted by Google.


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