By Almie Rose
May
1
2013
Ray J made a sex tape with Kim Kardashian and wrote a song about it, titled “I Hit It First.” I do not think Ray J knows that the word first is not the same as the word before. But, okay Ray J. You hit it first. Yeah. Sure. And Dick Sargent was the first [...]
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Mar
26
2013
Once I accidentally went to a Malibu wedding. Sort of. My friends and I decided to spend a day at the beach. Living in Los Angeles, one gets spoiled and treats the beach as though it was another Starbucks; a sort of, “Oh, yeah, it’s everywhere, it will always be there.” At least my friends [...]
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Feb
15
2013
Match.com is one of the many Internet dating sites that I’ve helped friends with; by which I mean, making over their dating profile. Because being single sucks. Or, it does for me. Most of the time. Probably because I need so much attention. “Constantly talking isn’t necessarily communicating.” — Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. [...]
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Aug
15
2012
It’s happening, comrades. My friends are getting engaged. Dear diary. As of this point in my life, I’ve had friends of friends get engaged, and friends of yore get engaged, but one of my best friends, my friend since kindergarten (that’s like, 20 years) is engaged, and that’s real. That’s a direct friend. That’s not [...]
{ 34 comments }
Jun
7
2011
You guys. YOU GUYS. I cannot get over this Will & Kate thing, I really can’t. I am like, mourning their wedding. I want it to happen again. It should be a series. Each episode they have a different wedding and at each one Elton John sings a different version of “Candle In The Wind.” [...]
{ 25 comments }
Apr
28
2011
This Royal Wedding frenzy has me thinking I would very much like to marry a prince right now. How fucking easy. What an awesome life you have when your biggest obstacle is that you’re too tired to go to another charity ball? Sometimes I just don’t want to work (but who doesn’t, right?). I want [...]
{ 28 comments }
Apr
17
2011
One husband. One wife. Whaddya got? Two people sentenced for life. – Nina Simone, “Marriage Is For Old Folks” Oh Apocalypstick, what is your deal? Do you like weddings? Hate them? Do you want to get married or condemn those who do? Tell me your stories. Your dreams. Tell me everything. Okay, imaginary questioner. I [...]
{ 42 comments }
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