Category Archives: what should i wear

Please Dress Me.

almie rose bonnie and clydeThis right here is my uniform. Red lipstick, lots of black, and this Serge Gainsbourg & Jane Birkin tee when I’m not wearing a black dress.

Today I start a new job in fashion Exciting! I have no idea how I stumbled into the world of fashion (I also write for Genlux Magazine), it just kind of happened, and I love it. But I have a confession. Lately, I’ve sort of given up on my style. “I don’t know how to dress anymore,” I told my mom. Expecting her to say, “Oh of course you do,” she instead said, “Yeah you’re not really trying anymore.” Yikes. Let’s take a magical tour through my fashion history, shall we? (This post contains lots of photos so if your computer is slow, lollolol). Oh and

What is your daily uniform? What’s your favorite style, your favorite looks, your favorite fashion inspiration? And do you have any suggestions for me?

Continue reading

Share

Follow me on Twitter | Facebook

What's My Name Again

WHO AM I?

I just got bangs and I feel like my whole personality is different. In acting it’s very important to find your “type”. My type is quirky/artsy/bitchy Ellen Page bullshit, apparently, but I hate EP so I’m trying to sell a more Lizzy Caplan & Zooey Deschanel type vibe. (Although let me say that I will go with WHOEVER gets me the most buzz/money/whatever.) Hence the bangs. That Zooey is so hot right now.

But the bangs are really having an effect on me. I feel more like a little girl. I had bangs when I was a little kid. These take me back to that. Also they’re in my face/eyes constantly. And they’re making my forehead break out. Thus I feel more insecure. They’re easy to hide behind, too. So I do a lot of hiding.

People who see me probably think I listen to The Shins. They’re probably surprised that I’m not wearing flannel. I bought a flannel shirt yesterday. I felt like I had to. In 5th grade everyone had No Doubt’s Tragic Kingdom. It was like, “Welcome to 5th grade, here’s your copy of Tragic Kingdom.” This is no different. “Welcome to your bangs, here’s a flannel shirt, enjoy.”

Furthermore, I don’t think my hair dresser really listened to what kind of bangs I wanted. Although I brought in photos of Zooey D I find myself with a very distinct 60s haircut. The bangs are longer on the sides and kind of curve in. It’s like I’m wearing a Beatles wig with extensions. OK, it’s not that bad. I like the bangs. But they’re not the kind of bangs I was hoping for. Who would have thought that there were different types?

Oh I’m sorry. “Fringe” for all of you UK-ers. Yes, I think your term makes way more sense than ours. What in the sweet fuck is a bang? But a fringe, that’s actually something you can picture.

Maybe once they grow out I can get them re-cut to how I originally wanted. People can do that, right? Re-cut a fringe? Why doesn’t anyone understand me?

I have lots of vintage dresses but maybe I should buy more. I bought more striped shirts yesterday. That’s a start, right? I just want to be loved. I just want someone to tell me what to do and what to say and what to wear at all times. Can I pay someone to do that? To come over to my house and plan my outfits for a good 4 months ahead and tell me, “Oh you should absolutely say this at that party tomorrow” or “Honey, never tell this person this because they think this about you and this.” Oh gosh. Maybe I should just get a television in my room instead.

Devil’s Haircut — Beck
This Is Not A Test — She & Him
I Was Made For You — She & Him
You Make My Dreams — Hall & Oates

Share

Follow me on Twitter | Facebook

Where Has All The Glamour Gone?

WHERE HAS ALL THE GLAMOUR GONE?


BB is horrified! Or she would be if she saw you ladies sashaying into Teddy’s in a goddamn pair of leggings. Look, leggings are fine if you’re working out or on your peroid, but if you’re going to have a night out, you better leave the leggings at home unless you are Karen O and you are performing. Night clubs in the 1950s and 60s used to be infused with glamour. I know this because I have a time machine, I built it out of empty fiber one boxes and starbucks cups, but that’s not important right now.

It’s the gentlemen who are really coming up short. Lads, cargo pants are great if you’re Indiana Jones. But since the chances of you being Indiana Jones are slim, I would opt for a pair of nice slacks.

Look at Serge Gainsbourg. HE’S LAUGHING AT YOU. HE’S LAUGHING THROUGH THE SMOKE. Gainsbourg is fuglier than those Muppet Old Guys, but he landed some of the most beautiful women ever made, and you know how he did that (aside from having insane talent and money)? He never dressed like a goddamn fish monger.

LOOK AT ANJELICA HOUSTON’S EYE MAKE-UP. FUCKING LOOK AT IT. That is extraordinary detail. Ladies don’t be afraid to falsify your lashood. It’s totally fine! The great thing about false eyelashes is that you don’t really need to wear any other makeup, if you want to be totally simple about it. Just fucking try it! You have nothing to lose! Your life could be completely different! Jumanji!

Faye Dunaway knows that the greater the lash, the greater the power. The power to stand completely still in a black turtleneck with your hands glued to your head.

Now what to wear?

The little black dress is always a classic because you can ever wear it on the beach!! There is nothing weird about this!! Scroll back up and look at BB’s LBD. They never fail. But listen, and please understand something:

THE AA DOUBLE NECK DRESS DOES NOT COUNT AS A LITTLE BLACK DRESS. NOT WHEN YOU’RE HAVING A GLAMOUROUS NIGHT OUT. And PS I spell “glamour” and “glamourous” with a u BECAUSE IT’S MORE GLAMOUROUS.

If you’re really going to put on the Ritz and valet park your car than you had better not be wearing that spandex dress UNLESS you have elevated it and taken it to a new level, one that only Molly Ringwald in that movie where she cuts up her dress, can take it. You better throw a fox stole and some diamonds on that shit and a bouffant had better be on your head. I’m sorry but that’s just the trade-off for wearing American Apparel on your big glamourous night out.

Don’t get me wrong, I think wearing jeans and AA is fantastic, but we’re talking about our big night here! We’re talking about Betty Draper and sidecars and Rockettes and Dean Martin and shit.

So now we’re ready to hit the town with a goddamn hockey stick! Some things:

Always talk to the hottest guy at the party/lounge/club. Don’t analyze the situation, just go for it. Remember, flat back, abs engaged. Walk right up to him, smile, and tell him your name. Tell him he looks familiar, but only if he maybe kind of sort of does, or he’ll call you on it. In which case you need a name ready. I found that the name “Tyler” works well; everybody seems to know a Tyler.

Decide what you want to drink before you hit the bar. The bartender does not want to play, “Ummm I think I want something, like, not too heavy, but like, fruity, or I don’t know, do you guys have any specials, or like, what beer do you have purple monkey dishwasher?” If you want the most bang for your buck (DON’T YOU JUST LOVE THAT 1950s AD SPEAK?) go with a martini. Most people think vodka martinis are sacrilege but I think that gin martinis taste like a doctor’s office so I stick with vodka. I also enjoy ordering a glass of champagne — it’s never good champagne, but you look amazing drinking it, and everybody wants one once they see you holding it.

And finally, just be amazing. Your parents will be so proud.

rder=”0″ />

Share

Follow me on Twitter | Facebook

just what is it about american apparel?

(somehow or another my hair always winds up in my face right before the shutter clicks)

I KNOW THAT everyone and their mother has this dress from American Apparel. It is the double U neck dress. The short sleeved one. I bought it on ebay in a clever move to try to avoid paying AA’s shameless prices and wound up saving about a dollar. GREAT.

I have no idea how to wear this thing. I know that it’s probably a prime piece for building on but sometimes I just want to put on a fucking dress and be done with that shit. I don’t want to have to build on it. I want to wear it. And I don’t want to have to wear spanx with it and some magical Harry Potter type alohamora bra that magically hides underneath the tight material.

BUT LOOK AT THE FABULOUS CLEAVE:

To quote Blondie, “I didn’t have the nerve to say no.”

Share

Follow me on Twitter | Facebook