photo by Laura at http://gumdroplane.blogspot.com/

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what kind of book I want to write. A few people have told me that I’m like the new Carrie Bradshaw. I think that’s rad and I would love to be the new Carrie Bradshaw if only for license to dress more creatively. However, I don’t know anything about relationships. Clearly. I’m at home on Valentine’s Day evening drinking a Manhattan and watching “The Simpsons.” Or as I call it, Sunday Night. The one time I had plans on Vday it wasn’t terribly fun. I sort of bullied the guy I was seeing into taking me out to a nice restaurant (because otherwise I don’t think he would have planned anything, probably just hanging out in front of the TV) and it was delicious food but looking back the whole thing was so forced. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to take me out but it’s more like I so desperately wanted to feel like it was working. THIS is what couples do, right? They go out on Valentine’s Day, right? I drank a lot and we got home early and I probably ended the evening watching the 1:00 AM Oprah rerun. I bet it was good, too. The Oprah rerun. It was probably about how there are HUNDREDS of CHILD PREDATORS lurking in YOUR neighborhood. Lisa Ling investigates.

I can’t really offer relationship advice. A coworker asked me for some a few days ago. She was seeing this guy that she was off and on with for a while now. In the past he was not able to commit. Now he seems different. All I could tell her was that sometimes when we don’t know what to do or make of someone all we can go on is past behavior. You’re welcome to keep trying but the odds of it winding up differently than before are slim. I think it’s AA that has the saying that goes something like “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” I read this on the stall of the bathroom at acting class. BTW, thanks to the Lesly Kahn Institute for the travel coffee mug. I’m sure you didn’t intend for it to be used as a martini shaker but that’s what I did and it worked beautifully.

Anyway I think my point is that I can only offer my take on things and hope that you make the right decision for yourself. The worst thing though is that I can never take my own advice. I guess it’s like the shoemaker whose kids never have shoes or the therapist whose kids are the most screwed up of all, or something. That old thing. If you want a get a guy to like you or stay with you, I can’t help you there. But if you’re doing something and you need someone to take a look at it, I can step back, observe and say, “Hey, this is silly, friend” or “Maybe you should not do that” or “Try this” or “Yes, I believe we have that in a size 7, would you like to try it in red as well as black?” That last suggestion is what I would say if I were working at a shoe store. But I would never do that because I don’t like looking at feet. I also don’t like looking at close up photos of hair. Or touching the palms of hands. And I don’t want you to touch my palms either. It gives me the creepies. I can’t explain why. I can hold your hand though but only if I really like you. That’s very intimate. Why do you think The Beatles wrote an entire song about it?

Suicide Is Painless — The theme from MASH