Did It.

Are you one of those people who has to force yourself to do something? I don’t mean a horrible errand, but something that will actually benefit yourself?

Are you so used to backing out at the last second that you’re actually amazed you can pull through?

I came really close to flaking out on performing in a show last week. I thought, maybe I’ll get strep throat. I seem to get that so often, or some sort of throat issue, maybe I can just will it. Also I went to a throat and neck doctor last week who calmly looked in my mouth and said, “Wow, your tonsils are terrible, why didn’t you get these taken out? You should get these taken out.” I’ll get right on that. No really I will this time, because I heard you lose a lot of weight after a tonsillectomy. But I didn’t get sick and it didn’t rain hard enough to give me a good excuse enough not to go, so I went. I didn’t want to do this reading because I would be reading some very personal stuff disguised in the form of comedy and I didn’t want people to judge me. But then I realized, well, that’s the point of this show, and if I’m going to be judged for wanting to fuck 80s Tom Hanks, then bring that shit on. Oh also I talked about my various body issues. That was the real hesitation in performing.

I thought I would get silence, or worse, boos. Or no, silence is worse. Or is it? Is it worse for no one to laugh or for people to actively shout at you? Thankfully, there was no booing. There was laughing. I’m pretty sure it was with me and not at me. Someone said I reminded them of some female comedian named Natasha something. She couldn’t remember the last name. I like the name Natasha so I see it as a compliment.

I felt better after I did it, that is until I called my mom to tell her it went well and she told me that she and my brother were at the emergency animal hospital with my dog (don’t worry, the dog is fine.) That was kind of a downer. But ultimately, I was glad I did it. I should force myself to do more things. Like write. I should probably write instead of thinking about writing or talking about writing. I should write that sitcom. Or Showtime dramedy, rather. (“Yeah, get to work on that show,” my mom shouts from her room. “We need the money.” How weird is it she knew that I was just typing about it?)

It’s a form of self sabotage. Maybe I don’t think I’m worthy of being happy or rewarded or blah blah Oprah shit. Why do I do this?

Anyway. This time, I did it. Did you? Do it. Every time you think of backing out, tell yourself, “Nope, think about now.” The more you focus on what you’re doing now, the better off you are. And it will lower your chances of car accidents by, like, a lot.

My High — Jonna Lee

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33 thoughts on “Did It.

  1. Kate

    Almie, how do you know exactly what’s in my head. It’s kind of spooky. I was just procrastinating edits on this cover letter for a job I really really want that I’m psyching myself out of and then I read this.

    And let’s face it, I’m still going to watch two more episodes of Nurse Jackie before I get around to editing that cover letter but I set a cell phone alarm to force me to do it later. If ever you doubt the power of your writing just think “I made that girl set an alarm on her phone once” and know that you move people.

    I’m sure the show went great.
    That person probably meant Natasha Leggone.
    She just had a Comedy Central special.
    You’re funnier.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      Wow, this comment made me so, so happy. Thank you for telling me. The cell phone trick is a good one. Sometimes if you give yourself just 20 minutes to do something and then set a timer, you’ll either finish it in 20 or automatically set it for 20 more. So yeah, get to that cover letter!

      It’s always a great feeling to feel like you’re not the only one.

  2. Linnea

    About the two first paragraphs — are you me? Really? Are you really me? I’m confused because it sounds like me but the rest of this blog is much more awesome than I (& any blog I’d ever have) could ever be.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      Ha, thanks!! I really like your blog, I’m going to add it to my links list, which I haven’t updated in like forever.

  3. Tony Archer

    I am absolutely the kind of person who has to be dragged kicking and screaming to do virtually anything, unless it’s something completely pointless. Hell, I’ve ordered more pizzas while I’ve had a kitchen full of food more times than I can even count, simply out of lack of motivation. So yeah, this is totally me.
    A few weeks ago I was talked into playing an open mic night despite the fact that I hadn’t even TOUCHED a guitar in about 8 months. And despite the fact that I’ve played close to 1,000 shows in my lifetime, I was still absolutely terrified of doing this. But with encouragement of my friends (and Captain Morgan), I powered through my 15 minute set of hell.
    I feel like a lot of why I always put off doing things is because they all seem so inconsequential. So trivial. So I manage to rationalize why doing something else (like watching Nurse Jackie, or in my case Secret Diary of a Call Girl) is more important and the other stuff, that I genuinely want to do, is put on a perpetual back burner.

    So, as someone who suffers from similar mental trappings, I can say whole-heartedly that I am super proud of you for doing that! Yay Almie!

    Now, if I could just get up the motivation to start my own blog…

      1. Tony Archer

        I say this all the time! And yes, it’s a Cap’n Crunch slogan. But I do way more with Captain Morgan than I ever have with that bastard whose cereal just tears up the roof of your mouth, so I am re appropriating it for alcoholics everywhere.

          1. Tony Archer

            Krusty-O’s only hurt if you find the jagged metal one. Or if you get flesh-eating bacteria from them…

  4. Linnie

    I had my tonsils out last year (I only realized mine were so large and scarred when my sister showed me hers and they didn’t stick out like ugly red golf balls.) and not gonna lie, it was one of the more horrible recoveries I’ve had to go through. All I could handle eating afterwards was applesauce and lukewarm grilled chicken. And that was only after the first two days of doing nothing but sipping water with an ice pack around my throat. On the bright side, I lost 10 lbs in a week, but that was from not being able to eat.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      Did some of the weight stay off at least?

      And now long were you on bed rest?

      And most importantly, did you get some awesome pain meds?

  5. Genie

    Aww, I’m so glad everything went well!
    For this semester I’m taking a speech class and I was so damn nervous to get up on stage I took an ativan just so I wouldn’t run from the classroom screaming. I thought no one would get my jokes, but for my first speech no one could stop laughing. My second speech was even better. Even my impromptu speeches have been a hit. I’m so glad I just acted like myself for my speeches and didn’t flake out because people are constantly telling me I’m the best speaker in the class.
    That being said I also think it’s important to encourage others like you have with this post.

  6. marissa

    you know how old people don’t care about what anyone thinks? like, they’ll just steal a zillion packets of sugar and be like, “what? i need it.”
    that’s come to be my new mantra in my old age (25.) “fuck it! fuck em!”
    whenever i get that “eeeeee i don’t wannaaaa” feeling i just envision my papa stealing bread from the nursing home and turning to me and saying, “what?!”

  7. Rahul

    You were great, BUT you forgot about the part where you created a new way to perform with champagne and a coat. I’m calling it “the Almie”

    Sorry I copyrighted it. You now owe me royalties. Business is rough.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      LOL OH GOD THOSE PHOTOS ARE GOING TO BE EITHER GREAT OR HORRIBLE.

      In my defense I left the coat on because it was fucking freezing in there. But I will not explain the champagne.

  8. Almie Rose Post author

    I submitted something to an art show recently and when I told my mom about the show she was like “you know, no offense, but judging by your track record, i figured you’d back out.”

    omg sorry but lol

  9. Emma Aubry

    This is so real. Self-sabotage is uncomfortably easy to pull off when you work freelance. I’m even feeling it right now with graduation coming up and needing to get my post-college plans in order…it’s like all the tools/connections I need to find a job are within my reach, but I have to literally schedule blocks of time in my Gcal to write network-y e-mails and update my resume or I just will not do it. Which is dumb, because I’m dying to GTFO and start a career. My therapist thinks it has something to do with a fear of failure…like if we actively choose to fail ourselves, it’s okay, whereas when if comes from something beyond our control it’s this hugely offensive thing we can’t deal with. Conversations like this are why I have to force myself to schedule appointments with my therapist. Even though I know it will benefit me. Har dee har.

    Oh and if you’re into young Tom Hanks you’ll appreciate the fact that his spawn aka Chester Hanks aka Chet Haze goes to my school and was in one of my classes last year. He came to zero lectures and then sent a mass e-mail to our class the night before the midterm begging for notes. He’s an accomplished manwhore and aspiring rapper. ~*~CheCk DiS ShiT~*~: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6bdV968umA

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      “My therapist thinks it has something to do with a fear of failure…like if we actively choose to fail ourselves, it’s okay, whereas when if comes from something beyond our control it’s this hugely offensive thing we can’t deal with.”

      ahhh ok, I get this.

      this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6bdV968umA
      not as much.

  10. laurenne

    Hooray! I’m so glad you did it because I would have fucked you up otherwise. TOLD YOU it was good.
    Also, I had the correct info on Taylor Hicks ready for Corey to read. She is lazy.

    80s face!

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      LOLZ PATROL.

      (get it??? b/c taylor hicks was soul patrol??? oh fuck i guess i really do love taylor hicks)

  11. Gsouder

    I relate to this post as well, except the Tom Hanks part. And the body image part, I have accepted the fact that 5’5″ is my maximum altitude and the only way I’m going to grow from here on out is horizontally. I have to force myself to do everything that I do- but when I’m actually in the midst of doing it I feel almost high.

    That said, when are we writing a show? I was thinking some combination of Buffy (TV, of course), Breaking bad and Malcolm in the middle. In the middle of that triangle is a gold mine of creative juices and, maybe, we could slay the demon of procrastination and doubt for just. a. few. minutes.

  12. Kate

    I DID do it.
    I did it. I dropped 9 pounds in the past month by accident just by becoming a vegetarian, I got over my ex, found a great guy and i’m in a not-super-serious relationship that just makes us both happy. I did it!
    Probably not what you did, but hey, I’m pretty pleased with myself.
    Also, reading this kind of makes me feel like an asshole, but my life isn’t THAT awesome, I swear. I just had to tell SOMEONE.
    On another note, the procrastinating thing I completely get, my huge paper was due four days ago, and I’ve been “sick” enough to finish it up. Oh well. As we all learned in Steel Magnolias, “Time marches on, and soon you realize it’s marching across your face.” Not completely relevant, but I think it’s totally appropriate.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      Hey. Don’t you ever, EVER feel like an asshole/apologize for you! To quote the 90s, “YOU GO GURL!”

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