FUCK YOU, KOREA MAN.

This post was written last Friday around 10:30 PM.

bob dylanHave you felt that moment when you look up someone you had a crush on and they have a girlfriend and live in fucking KOREA I AM SO FUCKING LONELY? What the hell and why do I ruin everything? This was in college and I had my moment and I didn’t resist the shining adventure and we had sex in my bathroom while my friend was sleeping on the couch, it was a studio apartment, I’m not really sure what you want from me, and it was New York (!) and I was young and blonde, I mean, that’s just going to happen. He wanted me, I wanted him, and then, the way things happen in New York City when you’re on your own for the first time, he became a bisexual drug addict and left school.

AND, BECAUSE HE DELETED HIS FACEBOOK ACCOUNT, I NEVER HEARD OF HIM AGAIN. Until now. Until this sad moment, when I stuffed my face with meat and cheese and chocolate and then almost did Wii fit but stopped to look up this ASSHAT on Google and now I’m sitting here in a push-up bra and sweatpants BECAUSE THAT’S HOW I WORK OUT, FUCK YOU, and I discover that he still exists, has a girlfriend, and lives in Korea. This is the same boy who once adored me. The same boy who once came into class, excited, and said, “Last night was crazy. I slept in an arm chair man,” the same boy who couldn’t afford to buy a GAP shirt so instead he went the a thrift store across the street and bought a GAP shirt from there.

FUCK YOU, DUDE. FUCK YOU FOR MOVING ON WITH YOUR LIFE AND BEING HAPPY AND MOVING TO KOREA. Even though I only remembered your existence about 20 minutes ago. How could you do this to me? How could I let you do this to me? What is this? Why am I so sad and lonely and pathetic and undesirable to those I desire? DAMN IT. WHY DO YOU LIVE IN KOREA???

HERE’S A PICTURE OF MAYOR STUBBS, FUCK YOU.

cat mayor

AND FUCK THIS, I’M GOING TO A PARTY.

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11 thoughts on “FUCK YOU, KOREA MAN.

  1. Lauren

    I feel this way about almost every crush I look up on facebook, except for the ones from high school because those dude still look like they are living in the year 2000 with their stupid outdated spiky hair and baggy limp biscuit pants.

  2. d

    what if he didn’t delete his FB, what if he just blocked you (cue dramatic “duhn duhn duhn” music)

  3. ROJ

    Asian men have teeny weiners.

    You only want what you can’t have. You ARE pathetic. I still wanna Fuck you though.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      He’s not Asian. He’s a white guy who moved to Korea. Not like that matters. Also, if I’m pathetic, what the hell does that make you?? I’m glad you’re keeping it real, though. Always keep it real.

  4. Luna

    So, I’ve made it a habit of going 4 weeks without watching my favorite shows so I can rock out and watch 4 episodes all at once. (Ok, I realize splurging and rocking out are different.) I’ve started doing that with your blog so I can read a handful of posts at once. I’m never disappointed. Good work.

  5. Rach

    This post is perfect and beautiful in every way. (I just looked up an old crush as well. Wish I had a party to go to right now.)

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      Thank you! Check your Facebook invites, there’s always parties, even if they’re stupid. Sometimes it’s just nice to put on happy clothes and get out of your space.

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