This beautiful card was sent to me by one of my beautiful internet friends. Thank you BB.
Now let’s get to the part of the post where I complain about men, totally ignoring the beautiful sentiment of the beautiful card.
Here is something that I don’t understand. You 20-something men don’t want to be in relationships.
SO WHY IS IT THAT EVERY 20-SOMETHING MAN I MEET IS ALREADY IN A RELATIONSHIP??
Case in point: I just got back from a certain singer’s party, in which Lance Bass was a guest. Oh yeah, I can name drop some serious shit. Anyway. “What does it feel like to be one of the most attractive guys here?” I asked one of the most attractive guys there. Apparently, it felt good. And drunk. “I have a girlfriend,” he finally admitted. “She’s in Mississippi.”
What? WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS? Why is your girlfriend in Mississippi? What the hell kind of good is that going to do anybody? He then informed me that he is flying her out. GREAT. I HOPE THE TWO OF YOU GET MARRIED ON A GODDAMN STEAMBOAT.
And when the hell did every 20-something guy stop falling in love with me? Guys used to fall in love with me all of the time. I used to be the greatest. I won’t sugarcoat it. But now they instead look right over my head. I know I’m short, but I’m still pretty. What happened? Maybe it’s because my personality kind of sucks. I mean honestly I am a huge egomaniac. And I’m kind of an asshole. But hot guys pull this shit off all the time! Why can’t I?
Excuse me, my decaf green tea is ready.
Anyway back to what I was saying: If no 20-something guy wants to be in a relationship then why is every 20-something guy I know in a relationship?
What fresh hell is this?
OK, now that that is out of my system, I will drink my tea and get back to being like Audrey Hepburn. Maybe men aren’t flocking to me anymore because they sense that talking to me is like playing Russian Roulette. (Let’s me honest, that’s one of those similes that sounds really good but on a second read it doesn’t quite make sense. I tried.) I should really though focus on more important things anyway: my career.
…Ugh.
