I Hate Being Single

hate being single

So here’s a thing about being single: I hate it. I hate being single. I hate every part about it. I hate when coupled people tell you that it’s “fun” to be single. Like we’re going to or throwing outlandish parties every night.

hate being single

Pictured: my single life.

No. It’s really more like this:

hate being single

My whole life is like a pair of George Costanza’s pants. Interpret that how you will.

And I hate when coupled people say something like, “I miss being single/Hell, I wish I were single” — it’s like, really? You sure you wanna say that, because that’s a terrible thing to say. I’m telling your bf/gf just to spite you.

Being single sucks, honestly. You never have a date for anything, you have no idea where the next person is going to come from (or when), there’s a lot of lonely nights, and you don’t have someone to share fun inside jokes with. Some people consider all of these things pluses. I see them as big minuses. I want someone to have fun inside jokes with. The kind of jokes that lead to kisses and snuggling. And I don’t even particularly like cuddling and snuggling. I get bored. But damnit it, I want it. I want to know where my next inside joke is coming from.

“Where is my John Wayne,” sang Ms. Paula Cole. “Where is my prairie song? Where is my happy ending? Where have all the cowboys gone?” I don’t necessarily want a cowboy; I don’t think we’d have much to relate to. He’d be like, “I’m on a horse” and I’d be all like, “I hate horses, they scare me, they look like monsters.”

What I’m saying is, I just want to jump into my next relationship, but I’m not going to do it hastily; I still have high standards for myself, as any gal should. I’m not just gonna tango with the next guy who asks me to tango. Tango is a euphemism. For relationships. (Sometimes my writing is really complex, so I thought I should break that down.) I want to jump in, with my stupid full heart. I want a partner. I want the Don to my Roger, in a romantic way. I want to face the world knowing I have someone to text about it. Someone who will read the text and be touched that I thought of them.

I hate being single.

Do you relate?


Photo by Nicolas Venturelli via Flickr.


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35 thoughts on “I Hate Being Single

  1. Amanda

    I feel ya. I mean, I don’t necessarily HATE being single, but this is definitely not something I want as a permanent state. It has it’s perks – not having to worry about anyone’s schedule but yours, plenty of time to devote to hobbies and catching up on TV shows, not being judged for eating nachos or ice cream for dinner – coincidentally, those are also the perks of living alone. All those minuses you listed are still huge minuses. Huge. And after a while, those perks stop feeling awesomely independent and start feeling a lot more like loneliness.

    Keep your standards high, my friend. Your romantic Don will be worth the wait…even if the waiting part totally sucks.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      Thank you. It’s like Tom Petty always said: “the waaaaaaiiiting is the hardest part.”

  2. Lauren

    I completely relate. I have been single for a year and that is just too damn long. Even my close girl friend found love through chat random –of course he’s 48 “seperated” and lives in england– . And while she is home skyping with him every night I’m sitting here at home playing video games and crying myself to sleep at night.

    I find myself trying to text my ex about my day or stupid shit I saw just so I can have a connection. Sometimes he responds but not often because he’s currently nestled in a deep depression. I’ve been on okcupid but this time around every guy seems like he’s only out for sex so I deleted my account. I made one guy friend off that site and he’s the only one that comes close to “boyfriendy” but it’s not the same.

    To ease the aching loneliness I joined a site called crushee.com which describes itself as a “house party”, basically a way to just jump in a chat with everyone and make new friends. It’s alright for now …:/

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      “I find myself trying to text my ex about my day or stupid shit I saw just so I can have a connection. ” — oh girl, I FEEL YOU. We gotta stop doing this.

      It’s gonna get better soon.

  3. Franzi

    So, I just got home from a Toastmasters meeting (don’t know Toastmasters? Look it up, if you like…) where I gave a speech on dating. Why did I do this? Because I’ve dated a lot lately, always hoping to find someone for inside jokes and snuggling. Someone I can come home to…

    Well the last one, the one I have been seeing for a little over a month, told me yesterday that he wants to concentrate on work rather than a relationship. Well thank you for telling me that now after I have invested a month of my life into this!

    I too have couple friends who keep telling me that it is not what I want… Well how do they know? I have been single for so long, I don’t remember what a relationship feels like but I want it! I want all of it, and I want it now. And I don’t want others to tell me differently.

    I hate being single and I totally relate to all you said! But you know what else I know? Women like you and I, we will get lucky eventually and that keeps me going!

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      I love that you ended your comment on a happy note. I’ll drink to that! Cheers!

  4. Marie

    There’s no other way to describe being single than bittersweet. But I like to think that all the perks of being single don’t go away with a relationship they just get…supported. I want a partner that nourishes my independence and freedom. Is that too much to ask goddammit? I also have decided I don’t want to meet anyone from online dating. Tinder, OKCupid, I’ve been down that road and it’s not the path for me. But I am genuinely scared that there is not a way to meet someone anymore. I never have “meetcutes” at coffee shops or concerts. Where the hell is this man supposed to come from? And how can I be promised he’s not a deranged murderer? I see so many beautiful single women and I wonder, where are all the good men?

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      Bittersweet, definitely.

      I don’t think I know how to meet people “in real life” anymore. :(

  5. Johnny

    Oh yeah…I absolutely Hate being single.
    I miss having those little moments that eventually become inside jokes between you and your partner. I also miss going to a concert with a consistent…Constant in my life. A yeah, sometimes I wouldn’t even mind checking out the repetitive chick flick with her, if it means it’s time well spent with that person. I’ve been single for…wow…7 years. WTF. Yikes!..Now I’m feeling lame.

    Anyway, it’s hard to find or run into, or even be found by someone who’s going to be able to fulfill most of the ideals and wants that I’m hoping for in a girlfriend. I’m one of those guys who’s very open-minded, very down-to-earth, and doesn’t take things, not to mention Myself, too seriously. I’ve tried the online dating thing, and somehow I end up friend-zoning myself with girls on there. The ones I run into here in town, are physically and for the most part, Are the ones I would want a relationship with, but then I see that they have a somewhat shallow idea of what kind of boyfriend they want. In other words, the guys they go for do Not look like me, and more like Channing Tatum or an actor of some sort.
    But it’s not their fault. Everyone has their type. So I move on.

    It’s been a number of years, and for some reason I still cling on to the notion that I’ll be discovered by some kickass girl eventually.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      “It’s been a number of years, and for some reason I still cling on to the notion that I’ll be discovered by some kickass girl eventually.” CLING TO IT, DUDE. It’s the only way to think!!!

      1. Johnny

        I’m pretty stubborn, so yeah, I’ll continue to cling to it. I have a sense of humor about life and don’t take myself too seriously. Shit happens and anything is possible. And I really do subscribe to the positive notion that “Anything is possible”.

  6. Anonymous

    Oh, I agree with you. I get bored easily also, however, I want to be able to kiss someone real quick when they’re being cute and vise-versa. I want to be able to punch him when he is annoying me and then hug him and say sorry and then go for a walk and then go play tennis and then eat ice cream and do all of the things with me because its fun. It sounds so silly, but I completely agree with you. All those little moments, are the moments that I want. There are too many hours in the day for a person to spend it all alone -without a cute text message that makes you want to vomit and hug the person at the same time.

  7. Shane

    But your a girl, and even kinda attractive, try having the pressure of being the one that’s supposed to do the asking. I’m a non-traditional college student, so just asking isn’t even enough, it’s like I have to ask for ID because somehow its creepy that I’m 40 and attracted to women half my age that are all over campus, like I’m supposed to only date within my age group. It’s a crock, and being single and lonely sucks for everyone, but has to be 10 times easier when the opposite sex is the one that’s supposed to make all the moves. I’m sure it won’t be long before some dude is hitting on you and asking you out. Meanwhile, I have to make sure I have enough money, the right clothes, and the right looks/body for any woman that is remotely attractive to even give me a second thought.

    1. Sophia

      You really sure that right now is the BEST time to be whining about how hard it is to be a dude and not have girls be attracted to you, buddy? You don’t want to rethink this at all?

      1. Shane

        Yeah, it’s a comment directly related to the topic. If the first place your mind goes is to the punk that shot people up because of the same problem, maybe you should seek help, buddy. I didn’t say women weren’t attracted, I’m actually pretty attractive, it’s their unrealistic expectations for relationships and men in general (AGE ESPECIALLY). You all want the hot guy, with abs and a great job, etc. but if a guy is 10-15 years older, ewww yuck, til you are older. Then when you hit your 30’s, you’ll be begging for a guy as hot as me that you could have had when you were younger if you’d only known what the hell you were really looking for.

    2. Almie Rose Post author

      Hi! You made a good point: being single is hard for everyone, and I’m sorry you, like me, hate being single.

      However, I don’t think men are required to do the asking anymore. By thinking “it all depends on me” you’re not only adding a lot of unnecessary pressure to yourself, you’re also subscribing to an out of date mindset. In other words, it kind of becomes a crutch — an excuse you can use when things don’t work out.

      BUT If you do feel like it’s your responsibility to do the asking and pursuing as a man, maybe you need to examine who you’re pursuing. Maybe the problem is, and you’re not going to want to hear this, maybe the problem is that you’re a 40-year-old trying to date 20-year-olds. Because a lot of 20- year-olds don’t want to date 40-year-olds. That’s just how it is. When you’re 20, you typically want to date other men in their 20’s. Maaaaaybe early 30’s. But 40 is a bit of a stretch, and that’s probably why you’re not having any luck.

      1. Shane

        Sorry, women in their 40’s are just not that appealing. And 20’s does not mean 20. If I had a bag of cash and a sweet car, chicks would be all over it, it wouldn’t matter if I was 60. I have no idea why you think women go around asking men out, but it’s just NOT even close to true.

  8. Alexandria G.

    Inside jokes really are the best.

    I go back and forth between hating single life (current) to loving it (the former is stronger if I’m keeping it real). I don’t know though, lately I’m starting to understand the MERIT in not having a person at my side. As the cliché goes, it is prime time to grow and get to know one’s self… I almost couldn’t finish typing that (THE PAIN), but it’s true. lol.

    I think it’s important to be comfortable in one’s own company.. and maybe that makes it THAT MORE SPECIAL when there’s actually another human breathing beside you who’s good company….otherwise it’s just some creep like Brainy from Hey Arnold. *BACKHAND PUNCH!*

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