I’ve given you tips on what to wear to your greatest summer ever and how to have the greatest summer parties ever but now I’m going to a final hint on how to conquer this summer: it’s all in your mind. “Having the greatest anything” is all a state of mind. You have to realize that you can do anything you want. It’s like our greatest childhood heroes LeVar Burton and Yoda told us. Well, LeVar didn’t actually sing, “I can be anything” but he did host Reading Rainbow. Yoda actually did say, “Do or not; there is no try.” Do you see how these two comments are related? Are you going to say something cynical like, “Yeah they’re both written by Hollywood writers who got stupidly rich off of children’s dreams”? You could say that, sure. Or you could look at it a different way and say, “Yes, I see. They both say that if I apply myself and believe in myself, and work hard, I can do anything!” Or something. You can connect the dots however you like. That’s the beauty of it! I’m not going to tell you how to do things or how to look at things. But I’m going to help you realize that you can have it all. Anything you want, you can make it yours. Anything you want it the world. Yes, I quoted a pop song just now, but Shakira and “Weezy” were really onto something powerful.

You can go anywhere or do anything already thinking that it’s going to be awesome and it will be. That’s how you have the best anything ever. Sure, there are times when you feel like taking 3 vicodin and calling it an evening while crying into your pillow but these times will pass. Go out, stay in, do what you feel is going to give you the best time out of your life. What are you doing with those cigarettes you picked up? Give those away. People love free cigarettes! If you hand them out at parties you will become the most popular person there. Then take whatever’s leftover, dump water on them, and throw them away. They will only make you look ugly. Maybe not now. Maybe now you look cool. But no one has ever smoked cigarettes long term and looked better than before they started.

You want to have the best summer ever? Do it. Do it now. Do whatever makes you feel good. Don’t workout because “you’re supposed to” do it because of the high you get when you’re finished. Do it because it makes you feel powerful. If you want to eat Egg McMuffins a few times a week instead of a “proper breakfast” then do that too. This is your summer. There is no shame in enjoying the small pleasures life has to offer. Because life can really fuck with you if you let it. But life can also offer you friends to talk to and places to go dancing. I know it might hurt now. I know you may not believe me that you really can have the best time of your life. Let me believe it for you. Then maybe you can believe it for me. Now go out and have fun.

California Gurls vs. Tik Tok (Does anyone know who I can credit this mash-up to?)


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  1. Ari

    Girl, you are amazing. Life has a way of kicking the shit out of you, but it also is the best thing ever. This is just what I needed to read right now and thank you for always making me so happy to see a new post of yours come up in my reader. You’re so amazing. I think I’m in love.

  2. Mal Baker

    There are times at work when I kinda want to climb to the top of the office building and hurl myself onto all of those neutral-colored mid-size sedans in our parking lot. And those are the times I read your blog. And then I’m like, backstreet boys! cool!

    then I don’t want to cause myself physical harm so much anymore.

  3. Gena

    This is an amazing post. Except it’s summer all year round where I live. BUT I haven’t been to the beach in a while and this makes me want to go. Now.

  4. Emily

    I get tik tok and california gurls mixed up all the time when I hear them on the radio… they’re practically the same song. It’s only natural they made a mashup of the two.

    Anyway. You give good advice as always, Almie, while making me laugh at the same time.


    I love your enthusiasm. Even an illiterate bug with no eyes can read your text and be certain that your head over heels in love.

    And your wish is my command, the playlist is up and downloadable.

    Have a great summer!

  6. sarah

    i was gonna totally be able to tell you where that mash-up was from but then it disappeared from my corner of the internet. i felt so special, too! i was like DAYUM HELPING OUT MY FELLOW MAN AND SHEEIT. such a good samaritan and i’ve only been up for two hours! thought i knew!!!

    but instead of that i’m just gonna leave you this comment so you know how close you were to the truth.

  7. Dom

    I would just like to say that I think you’re awesome :) You’re always so enthusiastic and hopeful and silly in your posts, and reading them just makes me feel awesome and potentially fabulous. I’m not currently going through a bad breakup, and where I am it’s winter, but I still read these and go “Yeah! Cultural references! Let’s go get dressed up and have a mad houseparty! With tea!” And that’s a good thing.

  8. Kaitlin

    at least a line in each of your blogs always directly relates to my life at the moment that i am reading it. i need my cigarettes here in portland while visiting my parents…but as soon as i get back to olympia, i’m giving them all away!

  9. Tori

    Apocalypstick, I…I…I THINK YOU’RE SO AWESOME! Whew, I’m glad I finally said it. Sorry for stalking you (psh like who doesn’t) but I am just addicted.


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