High And Dry.

Photo of PrettyBoi by Ian Asbjørnsen

Hello everyone. I’m sorry I’ve been away. Like I mentioned before, I have a lot of insane things going on in my life right now. But not good insane, more like a “Let me tell my story on Oprah” insane or, to quote this dude Max, “Season finale shit” insane. I’m still not ready to talk about it, but I want you to know that I’m sorry I haven’t updated and I’m sorry I have responded to your emails. Don’t give up on me!

It’s very tempting to give up on people sometimes. We have all been guilty of that at some point in our lives. Maybe not Julie Andrews, but everyone else. And I am telling you, as someone who knows, please do not give up on your friends when they need you. Don’t assume that they’ll want to be alone or not want to be alone — just ask them. Ask them how they’re doing but really ask. Tell them to put on a party dress and take them somewhere, and it doesn’t matter if that somewhere is a party or a Supermarket, just do it.

My friend Kimme did exactly this. Despite the fact that she lives in Beverly Hills and I live in the valley and the restaurant was in Laurel Canyon and the party after that was in Los Feliz, she picked me up at my house. Now that is friendship. If you’re from L.A., you know that what I have just described is hardcore friendship. The theme of said party was psychedelic, post-apocalypse 60’s  esque pop stars or something, so naturally Kimme and I decided to dress in serious 80s fashion. She wore a boxy business suit with hair piled over to one side, and I dressed like a dancer from Robert Palmer’s “Addicted to Love” video. We got to the party and Kimme introduced me to her friend whose mom actually was one of the dancers in the video. I apologized for accidentally dressing like her mom but thankfully she thought it was awesome. Then later I sat down next to this dude I’m pretty sure I’ve met like six times, who was wearing a jumpsuit and talking about how Prada’s new tan leather suit collection is “too mundane.” But it was exactly what I needed.

Reach out to a friend today you haven’t spoken to in a while. Call them, say hi. They’ll probably say hi, after a long pause. Then you’ll say, “How are you?” and they’ll say “…Fine. Is everything okay?” And you say, “Yes, why?” And they’ll answer, “You haven’t spoken to me in like, eight years.” And you can say, “This internet blog told me to call a friend.” And they’ll say, “What?” And you can tell them, “Yes, Apocalypstick.com.” And they won’t be able to hear that, so you’ll have to repeat it for them. You’ll have to say, “No NO. It’s A-P-O-C! CCCC-A-L-Y-P-S-T-I-C-K! K! LIKE APOCALYPSE, BUT WITHOUT THE E. TAKE THE E OFF. ADD ‘TICK’ TO THE S. IT’S REALLY NOT THAT HARD, CHRIST.” And they’ll say, “What is your problem?” And you’ll get frustrated and say, “THIS IS WHY WE NEVER TALK.” Then a few months from this you’ll get a text from your friend Cristy or something that says, “PARTY 2NITE!” and you go to the Party 2Nite, and guess who’s there? It’s your friend you tried to call and reconnect with. You’re going to pretend like you don’t see each other for the first hour of the party but then you’ll both me a little loosened up and you’ll hear Radiohead’s “High And Dry” play in the background and you’ll reminisce about that crazy middle school/high school/college trip and together you’ll join into the chorus, “DON’T LEAVE ME DRRRRRYYYYY-EEEYYYEEE” and you don’t even like Radiohead. And you’ll say it was good to see each other.

So do that and tell me how it goes.

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17 thoughts on “High And Dry.

  1. Ali

    I wish my shitty friends liked blogs so I could send them yours because only your posts would be able to convince them to stop being so shitty

    Does this make sense??? Does it matter?? I’m gonna move in with you and never give up

  2. Greg

    Hope you’re doing okay, Almie.

    And thanks for reminding me I need to call my very good friend Darren, whose (terrifying and very good) novel I am working my way through.

  3. clairedammit

    I had a friend who I haven’t heard from in six years contact me on facebook last night. I wonder if she read this post?

  4. Cecilia

    I’ve had my share of shitty friends whom I’ve cared about but have grown apart due to some circumstances. I just sort of accepted that maybe overtime perspectives change. I still get hurt a bit though sometimes when I think of their desertion, but I often go back to that time when I had this HUGE problem and I cried like a sad sack and they were there…It’s kind of pathetic but I still live another day knowing that.

  5. Cecilia

    I’ve had my share of shitty friends whom I’ve cared about but have grown apart due to some circumstances. I just sort of accepted that maybe overtime perspectives and tastes change. I still get hurt a bit though sometimes when I think of their desertion, but I often go back to that time when I had this HUGE problem and I cried like a sad sack and they were there…It’s kind of pathetic but I still live another day knowing that.

  6. Gia

    Sending you lots of positive vibes and good thoughts! And hope that whatever is keeping you down, turns out okay! <3

    But gosh, I must be emo today or something because this hilarious post struck such a chord with me… maybe because I'm going through something and don't want to be forrggoottteeeenn ahhhh. haha :) Oh life…

    xoxo

  7. Rahul

    I thought Robert Palmer outfits were considered “Too soon”. To be fair I didn’t know he was dead until I just googled him 35 seconds ago after reading this post. The Internet is such a downer sometimes. I wish my non existent Wiki page would say Rahul (1980-????). Everyone likes mysterious people. Am i dead? Am I alive? We’ll never know.

  8. Vi

    I’ve never even met you, but somehow suspect that your company would make a trip across town–even a town like LA–worth it.

    You’re damn right about being there for your friends. Just last night, my best friend drove 45 minutes each way, on an interstate, to come out to the boonies and get me out of a depressing situation. And he brought me a *cookie*, on top of it. I can’t help but want to pass on the feeling I had. Girl, you have a wonderful way with words and a bitchin’ soul. I know that whatever’s got you down right now is no match for ya. If I could push a cookie through the interwires, I would.

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