There’s the obvious answer: get drunk. But sometimes you don’t want to drink. Like…uh…when you already feel nauseous! Or you’re pregnant (ew). Or you’re allergic. Or someone is paying you not to. Yeah, those are pretty much the only situations where you wouldn’t drink at a party.
In this scenario you have fallen under one of those situations, you poor soul. So what do you do to keep things interesting? I have some ideas.
Make up things about your life. It’s not lying if you’re joking inside. Here are some answers I’ve used in the past to the dreaded question, “What do you do?”
– “I’m Sharon Stone’s personal assistant. I mostly get her dry cleaning and go with her parties. Helps her feel young again.”
– “I work at a zoo.” (“Doing what?”) “Animal stuff.”
– “I am the Internet.”
Feel free to adopt these!
Instagram the shit out of everything. I accidentally addicted to Instagram (follow me @apocalypstick.) By taking artsy bullshit photos you force yourself to have fun and force those following you to see how much fun you’re having. I promise you that you will not be the only swine on Instagram at that party. And who cares? You’re sassy.
Take control over the music. As a host, there is nothing more annoying than someone hijacking your ipod/record player/DJ/string quartet but as a guest, there is nothing more annoying than rubbish music. Here are some classic jams that everyone secretly loves to get the party swinging :
– “Kiss From A Rose” by Seal.
– “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey. If you play the Glee version, just get the fuck out.
– anything Stevie Wonder.
– “Get What You Give” by New Radicals.
– “Save Tonight” by Eagle Eye Cherry.
Think, “would this make a good story?” and if the answer is yes, do it. Basically, standing awkwardly without speaking to anyone does not make a good story.
Try these and report back.
apocalypstick
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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
I had some interesting party experiences over the weekend. A guy basically asked my friends and I if we would have a threesome with him and his girlfriend because she really wanted to get with a girl. Then he tried to get us to buy him brunch in the dorms. We also talked to a guy in a hawaiian shirt smoking a wooden pipe. His name was Frank. Of course. My friend hijacked the ipod and brought her laser, which basically made the party.
me and a korean buddy of mine use the made up information one all the time. another friend of ours often throws parties and were the only two sober ones there. we usualy start off slow like, yea, im actually naturally blonde (im full filipino) and work our way up to more ridiculous stuff. last one ended with us shooting the breeze with these two horribly drunk asian women. my buddy goes “yea, my names Min O’mally. im 1/4 scottish.” (white population on this island is around 10% so, very unlikely on top of him being obviously korean.) my laughter compromised the whole thing. worth it.
My daughter says I’m socially awkward, so maybe that’s why I stand there like a potted palm. I like the idea of making stuff up. Now all I need is a party invitation!
once I was sober at a party due to laryngitis and everyone else was terribly drunk, in an effort to make conversation I made a simpsons reference about bort license plates.. nobody got it (who doesn’t get bort license plates!? seriously), it was at that point I decided to go home. I’ve told lies often though at parties it’s fun! I’ve told heaps of people I’m in lord of the rings (they’ll believe a lot when you’re from new zealand), and I also told people I used to be the bassist for creed, as no one actually knew what the bassist looked like they couldn’t prove that it wasn’t a young girl…(this was obviously before smart phones).
Also no diggity by blackstreet always goes down well when hijacking music
Are you sure these were people you were talking to and not…no one? Because, well, Bort!
No Diggity A+++++ choice.
Only creeps don’t get drunk at parties.
“Make up things about your life. It’s not lying if you’re joking inside” hahaha, people will seriously believe anything!
NO MORE “DON’T STOP BELIEVING”! Please, no more! But yes, It’s all about Seal, “Kiss From A Rose” and that other song he sang at the VS fashion show that one time..y’know?
Looks like somebody stopped believing.
personal favorite song to play at parties is “solsbury hill” by peter gabriel
YES. Good one.
Thank you for inspiring me to look up kiss from a rose. I am totally rocking out right now.
Also, making stuff up is awesome. Its even funner when you pretend to be married to your tall gay black friend and he plays along
Everything you typed out here is awesome.
Whenever I go to a party where I don’t know anyone, I’m “Vito Cornelius.”
Five years since first using my “Cornelius” persona, I’m shocked that no one realized the name came from The Fifth Element.
i dance battle. lol well, i actually make fun of people who dance battle and take it seriously. its always a good time
“I am the Internet.”
Love.
My friends and I do a similar game when we’re at a party and don’t really know anyone, but I’m sure it’d be just as much fun doing it alone. Basically, we choose lines for each other to say when we meet someone, or introduce ourselves to someone, absolutely not optional.
It’s pretty amazing when someone comes up to you and says “Hi, I’m X”, and you respond, “Hi, I’m Chloe, and I … Nair my mustache / just adopted an African orphan / my dentist says I have weak enamel / lost a toe last week / have had 13 and a half lovers / etc”. The reactions are always SO GOOD. And you know the person you’re meeting is cool if they don’t go all WTF on you. Like a friendship litmus test.
Nobody invites me to parties because even though it’s been 20 years since I was the tall awkward girl in second grade I’m still the tall awkward girl nobody wants to talk to. When I do go to parties I try too hard to be funny and pretty and ohgodsomebodylovemeplease so I just end up laughing like I’m crying and everybody backs away slowly. But that’s okay because they leave their drinks behind so more booze for me.