Sometimes one of the bravest things you can do is go to a party alone. That and playing dead around a bear. It’s a toss-up. I don’t know if this is limited to women, but all my lady friends have issues going to parties alone. The usual fears swim about in our heads: what if I wind up sitting in the corner all by myself? What if no one talks to me and the host is the only person I know and they’re going to be too busy to talk to me? What if I am unbearably (see, bringing it back to the bears) awkward? What if I am overdressed? Or underdressed? Or not dressed at all?
I’m here to tell you that you can do it. I’ve gone to parties alone and only one — ONE — was awkward and not fun. So what did I do? I left. It’s that simple! You say your polite goodbyes and then get in your mini cooper and get the hell out of there. Was it an icky experience to just talk to people and have them wander off so I pretended like I had a really urgent text message? Yes. Even Apocalypstick lets her self doubt take over sometimes. That’s the worst, when you feel doubt inside and so it seeps outside and it’s like, seep the fuck back in, but it’s too late.
So here’s what you do. Before you walk in the door, take some Vicodin! Or as I call them, ‘Lil Vickees.
Okay. Fine. That’s a terrible idea.
Instead, create the feeling of being on drugs in a wholesome way. Listen to your favorite tunes before you leave, and on the drive there. Pump yourself up. Create the feeling of euphoria without drugs. Yes, it can be done, I’ve seen other people do it. Music makes the people come to together, yeah. Music has been proven to make your brain happy, or something, I’m not a scientist with a computer, I’m just a girl, standing in front of the Internet, asking it to love her.
Other ways to get in a happy mood? Dress in your favorite outfit. Look good so you feel good. If you feel best in a pirate costume, you wear the damn pirate costume. What would Lady Gaga do, right? Or what would Kate Middleton do? Just use their spirits to guide you as you dress. You know those heels that make you look and feel like a Supermodel, even though you’re 5’2″ or whatever? Put them the fuck on!
When you get to the party, smile and introduce yourself to whoever answers the door. Or whoever is nearby if the door is unlocked. I hate that. I hate walking into an open house without someone greeting me. What are we, ANIMALS?
It also helps to bring something. A bottle of wine, perhaps, because that’s what adults do. Or fruit roll-ups, if you want to go in a totally different direction. Either way you’re saying, thanks for letting me in your home; allow me to buy your friendship.
Engage people. Join their conversations, but not in a weird way when you hear people laughing and you jump over and start laughing even though you have no idea what’s going on. That is never appreciated. If you meet someone cool while you’re making small talk, stick around them, but not for the whole party. You want a buddy, not a parent. Don’t be afraid to make the rounds across the room. Ask people about themselves. People love to talk about themselves, especially if you’re in LA.
If you take this approach, I guaranteeĀ that you will make friends by the end of this party. That’s what Uncle Almie did a few days ago, and I had an amazing time.
Oh and alcohol helps. Alcohol always helps.
Any post that involves a Notting Hill reference, a bear pun, Kate Middleton, and LA egos is WHAT I LIVE FOR. Okay, that was dramatic.
… But seriously–so good.
P.S. My Kate Middleton spirit guides me to wear kitten heels sometimes, which make me look ridiculous because unlike Kate I DO NOT have a prince on my arm, so I’m trying to shut said spirit up until I do.
Love the party outlook! Parties are supposed to be fun right? No reason they can’t be fun even if you go by yourself!
Would love to hear any suggestions for how to go to a bar by yourself (if you have to wait a while for a friend or just want to grab a nice glass of wine)!
The art of going to a bar alone lies in your rapport with the bartender. Once you click with one and can have a conversation (be prepared: it will be interrupted by them having to work), other patrons will engage and possibly even join in. It’s pretty fun and how I used to meet a lot of dates when I was more involved in the bar scene.
Bloody brilliant.
Fabulous advice.
Now I just have to figure out how to get invited to a party…. Assuming adults in this little town even have them? Eh, who knows, but I’m totally prepared now just in case.
these are words of wisdom. why is being alone at a party so terrifying? i think it’s important to realize that NOBODY CARES what you’re doing since everybody is too busy wondering whether or not they look awkward and texting THEIR fake urgent dying friends.
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I fucking love “Notting Hill,” and I don’t care knows it.
I had a Notting Hill type dream not to long ago involving Beyonce….I think it is time for a remake.
I love this so much! Whenever im not eligible for a +1 i usually just wind up skipping whatever it might be because I never have the balls to go to parties alone. Now I think it’s something I have to try.
Being that I am not a creep, outgoing, and considered at least passable in the way of looks,I always felt quite comfortable going to parties alone, even when I knew I would not know the majority of people there. The beauty is that I usually had a blast with people I didn’t know before and probably wouldn’t ever see again. It had a funny way of lowering my inhibitions, and I felt it much easier to just be my damn self.
Additionally, since I am an empath and obscenely aware of everything and everyone going on around me, I tend to notice the person who is alone, and maybe a little awkward. I find it kind of fun to befriend them and introduce them around until they click with someone, or maybe even me.
This post truly made me miss going to parties all the time: signs of a good writer.
Great advice! I’ve been learning how to go out to bars and clubs by myself over this past year. Pretty much had to jump in head-first as it was part of my academic research.
I’d really like to know more about joining other people’s conversations. I grew up, and have been hardwired into the idea that it’s very rude to interrupt a conversation. As such, I find it difficult to “find an opening” with a group of people. I usually wait until there’s a lull in the conversation where I can jump in to add something or introduce myself, but depending on who’s speaking it takes forever! In those cases I also have to combat a growing anxiety about hovering around another group’s conversation like a creep.
So, how do you go about it?
Ugh. I just went to a bar alone for a party I threw. I invited 40 people. I was the first one there. FOR AN HOUR. And then one person showed up. AND NOBODY ELSE. Still, I met lots of people, but I now have confirmation that nobody likes me. OR, that they are losers and scared of me. Yes, let’s go with that.
People are such losers.
Little vickies. I like it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE INVITED ME. I WOULD HAVE BEEN THERE.
I realized that I just left a comment all about me, thus proving your theory that people in LA love to talk about themselves. Dammit. No wonder everybody hates me.
Pretend this second comment was all about you and how funny you are and your hair and sexy cheek bones. It’s true all true.
I like to wear something controversial to a party so people will talk to me. Or about me. Brittney Spears catholic school girl outfit (while being 6 months pregnant) or dress like I’m coming from a funeral has always worked for me.
I am ALL about being able to do things on your own. It still blows my mind that girls can;t go to the bathroom alone. Weird.
BUT, this post did get me thinking about one thing- fruit roll up flavored wine.
This is perfect timing. I need to go to a party for the magazine I write for and my boyfriend is away. š But I’ll pack up some fruit rollups and put on a brave face! So glad to have discovered your blog – you’re a fantastic writer.
I ALSO HAVE TO GO TO PARTIES FOR THE MAGAZINE I WRITE FOR AND MY BOYFRIEND IS AWAY AND BY AWAY I MEAN HE DOESN’T EXIST. I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!
This is such good advice…I totally wiggle out of parties where I only know one or two people well and can’t rope a “side friend” into coming with me. But, I have to admit that you make a good point…what is the absolute worst that could happen? I hope I remember this next time I’m about to chicken out! Thanks!
lol “side friend” perfect
I went to a party alone last weekend; it was the birthday party of a boy I had been on one date with.
PRO: We had only been out on one date and he invited me to his birthday party.
CON: I think it was just one of those nice things you say to people but don’t actually mean, like a rhetorical invitation, because you know…we’d only been on one date BUT I ACTUALLY WENT.
It wasn’t as bad as I think it could have been. But I was also quite drunk and I’m always more charming in my head when I’m drunk. Who knows. We ended up going on a second date……so there’s that.
S.
I never go to parties aloneāmostly because I don’t really go to parties in generalābut I often go to concerts and the like alone. I don’t have any tips or anything, but for the most part I’m fine with it. It’s usually not so bad because hey, it’s a concertāthere aren’t many opportunities for socializing anyway. But then every once in a while between sets or something when I’m sitting at the bar drinking a beer (or, in one moment of superb uncoolness, hot tea) by myself I start to feel poorly. One of the things that really sets me off sometimes is when at a bar, the Professional Smile of the bartender. I start thinking something to the effect of that here I am by myself and the only person acknowledging my existence and being nice to me is a person who basically gets paid to be nice. I suppose that’s a little pathetic and for all I know the bartenders might be nice because they actually are, but being at these places alone sometimes gets me in that mindset.
Like someone above had mentioned, I have a very hard time getting into other people’s conversations. For the most part, I feel that nobody wants to be bothered by a stranger. I’m not sure of the validity of this feeling, but I imagine it to be mostly true.
So whatever. It’s not always a problem, but sometimes it is. I’m not actually sure if I had a point in this comment or if I’m just typing nonsensically.
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Thank you for your suggestions. It really helped.
I’m so glad!!
a quick pre-party google search brought me here, if I don’t survive this party, least I will have died happy thanks to this blog š xoxo
Oh yay! That makes me happy.
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A google search brought me here and this is great! Takes the fear out of it, thanks š
You’re welcome!
I’m about to head out to party, alone. I wanted to invite a girl, but I figured that I’d be the only one she knows and I’d have to babysit her. So I’ll just go by myself, I’ll try to have a good time and if I get bored I’ll simply leave.
Your post made not chicken out on this lol
<3
YEAH, YOU CAN DO IT!! Tip: sit next to the keg, if there is one, and just look chill, not looking at your phone, and when someone comes over to fill their cup, they’ll start conversation, if they’re not a douche. Or you can start the convo.
Success! Met this really pretty foreign girl. I gave her a ride home and got her number. Almie Rose you are my lucky charm, lol.