In this fast-paced word of venti lattes and iphones and google and facebook and Cee Lo Green it’s easy to get overwhelmed and sometimes we have to ask ourselves, “Wait, am I drunk?” Here’s a handy guide for when you’re just not sure:
— You have an overwhelming urge to text everyone you know.
— If someone walks in on you peeing in the bathroom you just smile, wave, and say, “HELLO! WELCOME TO MY TOILET ROOM!”
— You freak out if the bartender takes a smoking break.
— You ask people to guess how old you are.
— You can go hours with a reduced vocabulary of “YEEEEAAHHH!”, “WHOOOOOO!” and loud high-fives.
— It suddenly seems like the perfect time to talk about your screenplay.
— You have a spirited conversation with five people about Goldeneye for N64. (“Facility is the best level!!!!!”)
— Tears for Fears actually inspires tears and fears.
— You find yourself thinking, “Holy shit I would love to hear some Billy Joel right now.”
— Cheese fries.
— “Hey, seriously though, why isn’t that guy talking to me? I mean I don’t care I just want to know. Really, what the fuck is his problem? Where did he go? Why isn’t he talking to me? No, fuck him! Fuck him! I’m awesome! I’m the best person here! I have the best hair!”
— Everyone looks like someone famous. But the famous people look ugly.
— You look at your boyfriend and think, “There is no way I am marrying this man if he doesn’t want to have a bouncy castle at the reception.”
— Then you tell him.
— Then you act like you were joking.
— Then he can tell that you weren’t joking and you start crying.
— 6 minute remixes of Katy Perry songs are awesome.
— You lost your lip gloss and you’re not even mad.
— You say, “I’m not drunk, I swear.”
Basically if you’re not sure if you’re drunk, you’re probably drunk.