This comment on my last post, from Beat Of My Own Drum was so good I had to make a post out of it:
I hope feminists won’t hate me for an observation I’ve made. I’m all about women empowerment, after all. But I’ve observed that no matter how successful a woman gets in her career, it’s her personal relationships that she chooses to define her. It’s not true for all women, but it is for most, it seems. That’s probably why, even though we’re strong women, we wouldn’t mind being swept off our feet by a prince.
Or maybe it’s the Chanel suits and not having to work our asses off to earn enough.
Why did this never occur to me before? Is it like when you’re looking for your keys and you realize you’ve been holding them the entire time? Okay so who hasn’t known someone (celebrity or friend) by this description and this description only: _____’s girlfriend. Maybe some rockstars’ girlfriends/ex wives/whatever make their living by writing about their flings (which, shit, is pretty much what I do, fffffffuuuuuuu) and if that’s the way they wanna go, OK, you make that work like a factory. Is it just that their male partner’s fame eclipsed theirs? Let’s be real, no one was ever going to refer to JFK Jr. as “Carolyn Bessette’s husband.”
But even successful women of their own right can never dodge their relationship statuses: Marilyn Monroe AND Hillary Clinton both had trouble shaking off their man troubles, even though both women were powerful and famous. This is the one thing I really dig about Gaga right now: when she said, “Your career will never wake up and tell you it doesn’t love you anymore” she fucking meant it. We don’t hear about who Gaga’s dating (well, except for when she tried to convince us that she was bisexual; kissing your best friend at a crazy freshman NYU party DOESN’T COUNT I’M JUST SAYING). I don’t even care, come at me, if Gaga’s bisexual than I am part Batman. IT’S JUST SO FUCKING CALCULATED. EVEN MADONNA WENT THROUGH HER LESBIAN PHASE WHEN SHE NEEDED IT FOR HER CAREER. REMEMBER THE WHOLE SANDRA BERNHARD THING? WHY AM I SHOUTING? We hear about her career. And her outfits. But her career. It’s inspiring. Until she wears fake dinosaur bones in her face or whatever is going on there.
I don’t have any answers, but I now have a desire to define myself by who I am and what I do, not who I’m fucking. Or “dating.” Or “married to.” Or “divorcing.” Or “murdered.” Right???
I haven’t forgotten about my reader questions! In fact I am currently editing (with some rad people) my latest Apocalypstick video installment and this one is shot on nice cameras and with lighting that isn’t the glow of my MacBook! It looks great! We’ll probably have that done by the end of the month. I also have a new Betty Draper video to post so…you know, hold onto something, because that’s gonna knock you over. I’m also on vyou now but I don’t even know how to deal with that yet. I am drowning in Internet right now. AND I just started writing for The College Crush which is full of practical advice even if you are in high school or out of college.
Real Wild Child (Wild One) – Iggy Pop
MAD props to Robin for the gif!
I’m also part Batman. my ex went by “part batman’s girlfriend” I’m considering switching my career to ‘gif’ engineer.
It is your destiny.
i recently had a similar conversation with a friend. i am so frustrated with “so how’s your love life?” being one of the first questions people ask when either getting to know me or when catching up. i don’t want to be defined by who i am dating or hooking up with and definitely not by who i am murdering. i’m so much more interesting than that (well maybe not the murder, that’s probably pretty interesting).
I gotta say though, I MUCH prefer that question to, “so what are you doing?” guuhhhhh
sounds like some ego emerging through the id.
gaga is only famous because so many women (and probably a bunch of latent homosexual boys) try to live their lives through idols.
Couldn’t that be said for every celebrity?
sure, that’s why celebrity gossip is trash and so is the news and EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE FOR YOU!
On the subject of celesbians, am I the only one that misses the days of Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson? I thought they were great together.
I’m realizing now that this is completely unrelated to your post. I just really miss Lindsay and Samantha.
omg celesbians! brilliant! how have I never heard this before??
Dude…that gif is hilarious. I feel like it really captures so many important facets of you. I wish I had one of those of myself.
Thank you! I’m honored and humbled that he made it.
Hey, thanks for linking to my blog! And thanks for finding my comment so good it inspired you to write a post! 😀 I made the observation after a woman I knew who had it all – two Master’s degrees, a very successful career, etc. – didn’t seem to care about what she had. All she cared about was that she was her bf’s gf. Nothing else mattered to her. I found it pathetic then. But I must admit that now that I’m married, I understand her. Personal relationships are very important to us women, more important than they are to men, it seems.
Love that gif, btw…and the red lipstick!
Thank YOU! Your blog is great! You say some really spot-on things. My props are mad for you!
probably because i have incredibly limited baseball knowledge, but if someone asked me who joe dimaggio was one of the first things i would mention would be his relationship with marilyn monroe (and the song Mrs. Robinson), if i was asked who marilyn monroe was i don’t think the same would be true.
anywhore, my boyfriend’s closest friend kept introducing me to people as “al’s girlfriend” and i’ve corrected him enough that he now introduces me as “my friend nevena”. i super prefer it.
haha, nice! Good for you!
and yeah, you have a point about the dimaggio thing.
I don’t know that I necessarily define who I am by my relationship status – but I’m definitely embarrassingly guilty of defining how happy I am by how things are going with any guy in my life. When I look back at any period of time, yeah I’m proud of the academic and career accomplishments but whether I was happy (or devastatingly unhappy as is so often the case) is determined by how my relationship at the time was going.
ugh. somebody please empathize so I don’t feel so pathetic.
“but I’m definitely embarrassingly guilty of defining how happy I am by how things are going with any guy in my life.” yup, SAME. I empathize, you are NOT pathetic!!
In fact that’s part of the reason that motivated me to write this. I’m gonna make a cha-ange. For once in my…liiife.
I FORGOT ABOUT THE SANDRA BERNHARD PHASE TOO. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN. I’M SLIGHTLY ASHAMED OF MY FADING CELEB KNOWLEDGE PORTION OF MY MEMORY BANK.
You gif is my life. Specifically, last night.
We are very similar humans, you and I.
it’s so hard to break the stigma of being _________’s killer, but GURL. if anyone can do it, it’s you!
anyway…as much as i love SATC, this post basically sums up why it mystifies me. sometimes i find it less than empowering, with all the emphasis on who they’re “dating” (aka fucking, being awkward around).
YOU TOTALLY FOUND YOUR KEYS. This is so true of most girls. The exact opposite is equally terrifying, though: women who become completely obsessed with their careers at the expense of their personal lives. I think I worry more about falling into the latter camp. I am independent to a fault and will literally forget about romance for MONTHS at a time…which might be because I go to Northwestern and the dating pool is more of a dating shot glass (Northwestern boys are short joke AND college kids are drunk joke, BOOM ROASTED) but still, I’m 22 and I’ve never been in a relationship. I mean, I guess 22 isn’t that old. But if I defined myself by who I was dating I would never get out of bed. And you just wrote a piece on things happening at different times for different people for College Crush and it was tres inspirational but I have a hard time pinpointing what in my life is going to change that will suddenly make it so much easier, you know? I DON’T REALLY KNOW WHY I’M AIRING MY RELATIONSHIP STRUGGS ON YOUR BLOG BUT JUST GO WITH IT. Anyway, moral of the story: I’m in a relationship with my ambition and it scares me. COUNTERTHESIS. Also I love the new Gaga song. Kbye.
Thank you!! I’m so glad you read my CC piece and I’m so thrilled someone else relates to it, aside from my little self!
“YOU TOTALLY FOUND YOUR KEYS.”
🙂 🙂 🙂
HIGH FIVES FOR US!!!!!!!!