I guess it’s time to say goodbye to the summer. Except for not really, because when you live in Southern California, there is no summer, there is Sprummerfall. You can go to the beach any day of the year, especially in September, it gets hottest in September. It gets cold in January, but only at night. People forget that LA is a desert so it cools down drastically during the night.
Did you all reach your summer goals? When I was in junior year of high school my friend and I made summer goals. Mine was to make out with the chunky lead singer from Louis XIV. Hers was to eat an entire pizza. Neither of us completed our goals.
I stopped making summer goals after I graduated because when you leave school, summer means less and less. Now that I work weekends my schedule is completely fucked. Sunday nights feel like Friday nights to me. This Monday feels like a Saturday. Where am I? Who am I? What in the fresh hell is going on?
I remember one September, I guess it was senior year of high school, our head of administrations said to us something like, “I always think of the fall as a time to make resolutions, rather than New Years.” Then she made fart noises with her mouth and did the worm off stage. No, no she didn’t do any of that. But it wouldn’t be totally crazy. We once entered a contest to get Blink 182 to come sing at our prom and so our administration got on the roof of our school, in their suits, lyp-synching to Blink 182. What’s my age again, indeed.
So I will make goals. I will try to:
~~ Hate myself less.
~~ Try some new shampoos.
~~ High five more.
~~ Send real letters.
~~ Give the finger less when I’m driving.
~~ Have more sympathy for Joaquin Phoenix.
I will try not to:
~~ Go so many days without washing my hair, or at least invest in dry shampoo. Which really dovetails nicely with goal two above.
~~ Say “fuck” in public because I once heard a really pretty girl describe something as being “fucking” whatever and it immediately made her look 10x less attractive.
~~ Eat so much cheese.
~~ Be too soft.
~~ Worry about Paula Abdul. She’s in God’s hands now.
If you’re in socal is your throat also burning from the fires? Are you also coughing? If you’re close to them I hope that you’re okay. That is one of the dangers of summer here. Here’s looking to a much better Sprummerfall.
That’s Audrey Hepburn. Who knew she was capable of getting wet?
