I guess we’re friends?

1950s 1960s friendship girlfriends snow

On TV there’s always a group of friends who spontaneously meet up, or someone will call Tyler, and they’ll say, “Tyler, meet me at [whatever bar or coffee shop here]” and they hang up and don’t even give a time, and Tyler always shows up. And let’s not forget the ole drop-by. This happens a lot on “Beverly Hills, 90210” (the original). EVERYONE drops by Dylan’s house. I understand why TV writers do this. To show characters calling each other, or texting each other, is a lot less interesting than having them speak in person. But this trope gave me false hopes about what being an “adult” would be like. And by “adult,” I mean any cool, awesome chick from 18 – 30. From Clarissa Darling to Carrie Bradshaw. I thought that once I turned that magical adult age, I would have a close group of friends who would always be available to meet at “our” place or drop by unexpectedly.

I don’t think this is a real thing.

If you and people you know live in NYC (like the village or somewhere stupid in Brooklyn) or Los Angeles (in somewhere like Silverlake or Los Feliz or maybe even Venice) you can experience the magic TV moments of running into your friends at a nearby restaurant or other local joint. That’s why I like where I live now, even though I use to ruthlessly make fun of it all the time. I like being able to walk everywhere. I used to live in Manhattan and that was one of my favorite things, ever. To just get out of your studio apartment and walk. And see people. And things. And get hammered and take a taxi back or walk. Or if you’re really desperate, the subway. Yes, I can be quite an elitist jerk, don’t even bother pointing that out. I think that jeans and beer are for poor people. And if that shocks or upsets you, then I’m sorry. I’m like Patrick Bateman, but a woman, and with a lot less money and murders.

I think I have lots of friends. Maybe? It’s hard to tell. What’s a friend? Someone who goes to your bday party? Someone you don’t feel awkward having a one on one conversation with? Someone you know really well? I don’t really feel like I have a lot of close friends. But I have friends I can talk to. I wish I had a closely knit group, like the ones in “How I Met Your Mother” and “Friends.” But perhaps those don’t exist. At least not after college. But just once, I’d like to send out a mass text with, “MEET AT COOLBARWELIKEHERE at 9!” and everyone shows up, or at the very least, doesn’t ignore my text.

For more on friendship, read this old post: Friends.

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20 thoughts on “I guess we’re friends?

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      Aw. I feel your feels! There’s always the Internet. Internet can lead to real life friends!

  1. Kelly L

    THIS. I feel like I was lied to. I expected to have my super close “Friends”esque friends that would always hang out and be super close and blah blah blah I don’t think they do exist. Maybe that’s why they’re so popular on TV. Because everyone wishes they had a group like that when in reality, NOPE SORRY.

    I like jeans. But I’m probably a poor person. So I don’t take offense to that. I don’t like beer though. And I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that this is okay. And no matter how broke I ever am, I never have to like/drink beer.

  2. Tony Archer

    I, too, feel super lied to about this phenomenon! I think that it all just boils down to the fact that human beings are the laziest creatures on the face of the planet and will only do things that require minimal effort, including friendships. 2/3 of the people on Friends lived like 100 feet from eachother and Central Perk was downstairs from them! Poor Ross and Phoebe were constantly pulled into their web of laziness! For the sake of this rant short, I think the key to finding this mythical group of friends is to get an awesome apartment above a cool bar. This is the case on both Friends and How I Met Your Mother and I think that’s the key to success.

    Also, Almie, from now on when I need to talk to you I’m going to call you and tell you to meet me at the internet and we can pretend that’s the name of a cool new bar. Just so it has that feel to it for you.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      Aw, thanks buddy. Yeah, thinking about it there’s no way half of that group (on HIMYM and Friends) would ever feel like meeting at their coffee shop/bar all the time since they’re all scattered around the city, and it wouldn’t be worth it to get there at a moment’s notice. Same with Sex and the City. And Seinfeld!

  3. Lids

    I, too, feel lied too! Glad I’m not the only feeling “freindship” jipped. :-/ How about we start our OWN “Friends/HIMYM-like” clique? I’m not too far from Loz Feliz! Then we can make everyone else feel jipped.

  4. Allie

    I also feel unfairly lied to but if you look on the bright side, those people in Friends don’t know anyone outside of their circle. Same with HIMYM and 90210. That’s why they keep dating each other and having babies with the guy they used to date 4 seasons ago.

    At least we are free to get knocked up by any passing stranger and our only option isnt that dude you’ve known since high school who is ok but you don’t really like him he just seems to be everywhere you go and you may as well be friends because all your other friends know him too.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      “That’s why they keep dating each other and having babies with the guy they used to date 4 seasons ago.” OH YEAH! Yeah, fuck them.

  5. Kat

    I have a fun group of friends but this, “and everyone shows up, or at the very least, doesn’t ignore my text.”

    This is EXACTLY the problem!

    I recently began having my own internal debate about friendship and if they’re not going to show up OR respond…my God we’re not close at all, are we? Very timely post. Maybe they don’t exist for us as adults and that’s why we’re all online blogging.

  6. S.Ryan

    Good post… I think that I have a pretty close group of friends. I can generally text them on a Thursday if I feel like it and a decent percentage of them will show up at barwealllike. But I wonder if that is partly because I live in a small city and there isn’t a whole lot of other things to do. It’s not like NYC or LA where there’s a million things happening any given night… there’s basically the same crowd at the same few bars and most of them are wearing jeans and drinking beers. So maybe having a close group of friends as you described isn’t as cool as they portray it on TV.

  7. Melissa Marie

    Now that I’m in my 30s and many of my friends have kids, it’s sooo much harder to get anyone to the bar on a moment’s notice. But when I try to hang out with people who are younger we tend to not relate well. I like going out for a few drinks and being home by 10. This is likely sad and pathetic, but I’m not ashamed. I love my bed. And I love drinks. I can have both.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      No, I hear you on the wanting to be come early. Sometimes I really can’t stay out past midnight, if I make it that far.

  8. Lauren

    Man..I too hoped for the seinfeld-esque drop-bys once I became an adult. It’s super depressing.
    I only had a friend drop by my apartment out of the blue once and that’s because we lived in a college town and she was poor and walked everywhere. I remember being incredibly stoked that a friend was actually going to show up out of the blue and bring me a slushee.

    The only other place that I knew of where “friends” did a drop-by was a drug den apartment my best friend lived in.People referred to it as “E20” and those “drop-bys” often turned into month long stays.
    Not the real life version of “Friends” I was expecting. :(

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      Yeah, that’s a little Manson family. Props to your friend though, no matter her reasons!

  9. Tany

    Maybe I am lucky than? But I do have friends who I talk all the time and we have a group in each social network including whatsapp. We can’t see each other like in the tv shows because we have different scheadules, one being a doctor and me being a junior architect besides other people, but we do meet at least a week or so. :)

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      That’s awesome. Where do you live? You don’t have to tell me exactly, I’m just curious.

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