Let It Die, Part Two.

I don’t know if it’s a girl thing or what but I’ve been noticing that a lot of my female friends have a hard time letting it go. They lament over their mistakes, their roads not taken, their misfortunes.

CUT IT THE FUCK OUT.

I know, this is far easier said than done. Yesterday I spent the day wallowing in a sorry haze (this is why you should always take your meds on schedule, kids) and even though I wanted to emerge I just couldn’t. I felt like Patrick Bateman:

“…there is an idea of a Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me, only an entity, something illusory, and though I can hide my cool gaze and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours…I am simply not there…Myself is fabricated, an aberration. I am a noncontingent human being.”

(That’s quoted from the book, and not the movie, by the way. I love the movie but the book takes the edge of me, if only because of an awkward scene involving Bateman and Tom Cruise in an elevator.)


It’s not a good thing to feel like Patrick Bateman. I think it’s a defense mechanism, a way of trying to hide all of my anxious feelings. It’s still better than when I would revert to pretending I was Agent Dale Cooper, taking into a deck of cards like it was a tape recorder. Ha ha I’m just kidding, I would never do that…

If you were to lie in bed and think of all the faux-paus you’ve made in your life you would go crazy. If you were to list all of your missed opportunities and awkward moments and times where you just wanted to slap yourself, Chris Farley style, shouting “STUPID STUPID!” then you’re not going to get to sleep any time soon and you’re going to wake up feeling like a zombie.

Try this: when you start to think of all the ways in which you wish your life were different, think of the ways that you make it good. Think of something you did in the past that was awesome, even if it was just making a funny joke or getting a birthday gift for a friend that she really appreciated. Start small! Then think of the bigger things. There is no mistake you made that is too great to keep you from another opportunity. Unless you are:

— Phil Spector
— O.J.
— That woman who just ate her baby
— Tim Burton

(Aaahhh I kid, Tim Burton will probably be fine blah blah.) But really, you have to let it go. You know, I know it, Tim Burton knows it. The only way to ease the pain of past stupid decisions is to make good ones in the future. Again, to quote Oprah quoting Maya Angelou (shut up, it’s still good advice):

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