Mirror Error.

I hate my stupid face.

I am not fishing for compliments. The point of this post is not to get comments like, “BUT OMG YOU’RE SO PRETTY!!!” or “LOL YEAH U R UGLY” or anything in between. The point is that you’re floating along in a cloudland where everything is great and you feel good about your cloudlife and then you see yourself on cloudfilm and you’re horrified and then it rains.

If it’s not one thing it’s another, right?

I’ve struggled with my looks my entire life. No wait, that’s not really true. I loved my looks up until puberty. Then my body said, “Hey this was fun, but LOL BYE” and then I got into an accident that messed up my nose and then everything just got worse. I fixed my nose but I realized a few days ago that I will never, ever be happy with it. I will never be happy with my body and I will wish for the days when I had the rail thin figure I had when I was twelve. And that’s sick. And I know that. One thing I’ve learned to like are my freckles on the bridge of my nose. I used to cover them with foundation until they disappeared. I thought that made me look older. But really it just made me look less interesting. (And for the rude person on twitter who commented that it looks like I have sun damage, I’ll have you know that some of those are blackheads.)

It’s not terrible. It’s not like I can’t look in mirrors. It’s not like I think I am a horrendous looking thing. But something happened to my face. It’s just different now. With every day I get closer and closer to looking like Mick Jagger. Sometimes my face gets so full and round that once when I uploaded a video to YouTube one of their suggested tags was “chipmunk.” Which, actually, is pretty hilarious.

I found a photo of how I looked my first year in college and I felt like I looked so much prettier and I got really sad but then something good was on the Internet so I got distracted. I think it was an article on Cracked.

Me, left, back in the days when people said I looked like Scarlett Johansson.

Look, I know. “Wah wah Almie/Apocalypstick, this is a stupid post and you’re an idiot and there are people dying around the world and you should focus on more important things” to which I say, you must be new. But hey, I’m allowed to feel down on myself. We all are. How can we not? We have images of celebrities that are so photoshopped that when we see candid photos of them we think, “Wow they’re so fat/short/etc.” No, they’re not. Everything is fucked up. That’s the problem. It’s like everyone is wearing a different pair of prescription lenses. Which, uh, I guess people are, because not everyone has perfect vision. But you get my point.

What do you think are your flaws? What don’t you like about your appearance and if money weren’t an issue, would you change it?

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76 thoughts on “Mirror Error.

  1. yeahgrrrl

    . Oh man, I’m so glad that I ain’t the only one. I have days where, with great lighting, I think I might actually be kind of cute. Then, an hour later I look in my car mirror and I realize I look like a HOT mess. Likw, how did my pores get that big overnight and ” I swear I didn’t have a hair there last week” kind of shiz. I’ve always been self conscious about my nose, and even went to the plastic surgeon for a consultation. The second I have an extra $8000 laying around, that rhinoplasty WILL be mine. Also, I swear the second I think my skin is looking pretty good I get a huge monster zit. My skin is worse now than when I was a teen. I’m not even going to get started on my body issues. But, thanks for wriitng this so I know that I’m not alone in my mirror struggles.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      You are welcome! You are not alone.

      Car mirrors are TROLLS. There is nothing worse than a car mirror.

      1. yeahgrrrl

        Also, nothing annoys me more than when I say something negative and my friends immediately start telling me how pretty I am or to stop fishing for compliments. Peeps need to understand that everytime you say something negative appearence it doesn’t mean that you need them to reinforce how attrtactive they think you are. I will refrain from doing so here.

        1. Almie Rose Post author

          But on the other side, women have a really hard time accepting compliments! If someone tells me, for example, that I look thin I’ll say, “Oh my God, no, I’m wearing Spanxx” or whatever. Or, “You have great skin!” “Please, this is all concealer.” It’s like a reflex!

          1. yeahgrrrl

            True that! Being a lady is so complicated. You should write your next article on all the weird/crazy stuff that goes through our heads and perils of being a girl these days, or maybe that is kind of what your blog is already about. Keep up the good work. Love your blog, and can relate to pretty much all the stuff write about!

  2. Sandy

    You have absolute strangers that have your blog bookmarked on their toolbar and look forward to reading what you have to say. When you’re feeling down about your looks (obligatory: you shouldn’t) that should at least make you smile :)

    Also, I wish I had an hour glass figure. Boobs would be awesome, too. Straighter teeth a plus.

  3. Kyla

    I would fix my broken nose that only works out of one nostril. Money isn’t the issue, just a sheer fear of pain. But you are super pretty, blackheads and all. I’m biased though since you look like my cousin (it’s not a compliment now, right?).

  4. Abby

    Girl, I feel you. We all have those days, weeks, months when all we can focus on is our appearance and how we wish we could change something about it.

  5. Shannen

    You need to listen to the song “Shitty Day” by SoKo…its my anthem when I have these kind of days.
    I’m 18 and people (usually middle aged women) always tell me that’s the peak of a woman’s attractiveness. I CAN’T HAVE PEAKED- THAT MEANS ITS ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE! :(
    I think my main dislike would have to be my teeth which are not crooked enough to warrant braces but not straight or white enough to make me confident enough to smile around my friends who all have perfect pearly whites.
    Also, people always comment on my weight (i’m quite thin) in a way that makes me feel unattractive (“you’re SO skinny!” “eat a burger” “you’re all skin and bones” “you’re wasting away” etc etc etc). I envy girls with more curvaceous figures.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      I LOVE SoKo. ‘I’ll Kill Her’ helped me many moons ago.

      I had braces AND headgear and my smile is still a little crooked. But I love it.

  6. verybadcat

    i think you’re gorgeous. and i’m not saying that because i think you need to hear it. i’m saying i was struck by your classic beauty the minute i saw you.

    we all have that insecurity. i stick my tongue out at hot mess in the mirror at least every few days.

    for me, it’s that little crease that recently showed up between my tiny eyes, and my half-ass curly hair and those pockets of fat that make me a prime candidate for breeding but a poor swimsuit model. and this time of year, my back breaks out. super sexy. plus my legs are short and my torso is long.

    it is all incredibly ridiculous. and incredibly real.

    <3

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      Here’s the thing and I’m NOT trying to sound pitiful but I just photograph really well. In person it doesn’t really come together.

      But thank you and <3 back at you.

  7. Ally

    Ok. I don’t usually comment on blogs, but I do read your posts from time to time because my x best friend says you are like the big sister she never had, and to further that once i had a blog and that x best friend said that I reminded her of you. So maybe I can have input? well I’m writing it anyway. I think you should find a woman’s spa. When you are feeling low its good to go to a spa with no men around. If you can find a korean one do that. (i just go to a korean one is all)
    Ok i’ve felt like this, the way you do in this post. I overcame some things so here it goes… First of all you are beautiful! stop looking at models and actresses for a while. In fact stop looking at yourself for a while unless it is to do something good for yourself like clean your face with some new exfoliant you are excited about.
    I was recently reading some article that interviewed beautiful older women. The whole thing was to get these classy sheik older women to reveal their beauty secrets. They actually did. I really liked how this one women said “look in the mirror as little as possible. Cultivate inner beauty, radiate from the inside.”
    I’ve been doing that, and whoa! people just know when you aren’t focusing on your flaws and worrying about negativity you feel towards yourself. Banish this negativity because well life is to short and may as well not feel like shit.
    You are beautiful almie! (witty & clever 2!) Don’t forget the mirror is such a strange thing, (Like think trippy mystical powers) your life will damn straight pass you by if you let it tell you what you are.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      Thank you for your kind words, but also for this:

      “your life will damn straight pass you by if you let [a mirror] tell you what you are.” May have to quote you on this some time.

  8. Holly

    Fascinating post, and perfectly timed! I was up until the early hours of the morning fretting about the size of my thighs and whether my recent gym membership was making even the slightest dent in the humungous 40 inches.

    However, you’ve made me see the light. When you wrote that you think you’re resembling Mick Jagger more each day, something just clicked and I realised that this deep and often debilitating hatred for our ‘imperfections’ is completely exaggerated and we perpetuate it ourselves to the point of huge self-loathing and an ability to leave the house in case the world comes to an end when faced with our unattractiveness!

    There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with me. We are all perfect. Celebrity culture is by far the most damaging thing to women and their self-esteem. If I allow it to, I know it has the capacity to cripple me and keep me in a constant state of striving towards perfection but knowing I’ll never attain it, which in turn, will make me feel a complete failure as a woman and the physical laughing-stock of all humanity for the remainder of my days.

    ‘Perfection’ doesn’t exist. The notion was created by ad men in the last century to get us to buy things. And we’ve all bought into it. People judge others on these unrealistic ideals, and we judge ourselves even harsher.

    There is another choice. And it’s by far the harder choice, but it’s the one that will cultivate real beauty and raise self-esteem. The answer is self-acceptance. Seeing the world and celebrity culture for what it really is. Knowing that beauty doesn’t come from an advertising agency but from the magic of the universe that created us. Recognising the magic and wonder of ourselves every day. Loving ourselves and being grateful for our health and lives. We’re spiritual beings. Busying ourselves with such petty concerns only drags us further away from happiness and deeper into depression and not achieving our goals. It’s actually irrelevant to our overall happiness.

    OK, rant over. 😀

  9. ditriech

    To begin, I’m pretty biased, because I think you are absolutely one of the prettiest girls I’ve ever seen pictures of. But I get what you’re saying. Sorta. From a dude’s standpoint at least. Because, mostly, I hate every picture that’s been taken of me and think I look “wrong” in all of them.

    Though that could be just because I look wrong. I try not to think of that possibility. Much.

    Anyhoo, I don’t like my appearance much at all. I don’t like my teeth. I don’t like my height. I don’t like the shape of my head. I don’t like plenty about me, actually. But, actually, this post kinda made me fee a little better.

    Not at all because you feel this way, which I disagree with, actually. But because other people feel this way and some of them are willing to talk about it. I wish I had your guts do start this conversation.

    Then again, I haven’t actually written a post in a while, and don’t plan to until the middle of next month. So who knows what I’ll write.

    But definitely nothing this open, I think.

  10. filleosophy

    I really just think it’s time that we all start appreciating blackheads for what they are, and that is SEXY. Also, youthful! Win/win!

    ilu xoxo

  11. Beckles

    I’d fix my nose in a heartbeat. It’s the “family nose” and you can tell that I belong to my dad and brother, but it’s really hard for me to get by some days.

    I love that you’re being 100% honest about how you’re feeling.

  12. Genie

    I know it’s hard, but when it comes to self esteem the best way to feel good about yourself is to not compare your looks to anyone else. Truth is, you look like no one I’ve ever seen and that’s grounds enough to feel great about yourself.

  13. Calee

    Man, I’m also glad I’m not the only one that does this. I’m glad you posted this, although you are fabulously gorgeous, but it’s hard to believe that if you don’t see it yourself. I know I don’t see it myself a lot of the time.

    My flaws … if I could change anything it would be my height. Keep EVERYTHING the same, just add 6 inches. And I know this isn’t something even money could change. I’m 5’2″ and the world is tailored to people who are so much bigger than me.

    And for a consolation prize since that’s not possible, lord, give me some boobies.

  14. Carey

    GIRL! I feel ya!

    I look EXACTLY like my older brother. Which means I’ve grown up thinking I look exactly like a boy. Then I started medications for a car accident I was in (my back is effffeeed) and got fat. Even better.

    Honestly, though, it’s made me work on me (“She’s got a great personality”) and if I had the money I wouldn’t do surgery. I would hire a personal trainer and chef. Do it the right way. Be the best me I could.

  15. Sonya

    You get older, it gets better. For those who have said that some women have told them they peak at 18, these are the cheerleaders who did peak in high school. For the large majority of women, it gets better. Im 40, well, next month is my bday, and I have always struggled with my body image and the fact that Im an introvert. I have come to accept the fact that Im not going to have a million friends, I go out by myself to movies and dinner etc, I dont make small talk with people I dont know because I dont feel like it. I am exercising and working better to look better yes but more for my health. What my rambling basically comes down to is that it gets better, I promise. I am more comfortable as me now than I have ever been and you couldnt pay me to go back to any other point. Rock being you its awesome!

  16. K

    I’ve never liked my nose. I have my fathers nose. It’s got a little bump on the bridge and is NOT stright down the sides. The only time this bothers me is when I see myself in pictures because when your nose isn’t straight/symmetrical and you’re not in oh so perfect lighting you get shadows around your nose that make it look twice as big. I think we’re taught that beautiful is to have a sterotypical perfect face, but all those people are starting to look the same to me. Boring.

  17. Suburban Sweetheart

    I’m actually glad you posted this. Not because I’m glad you have self-esteem issues, necessarily, but because I think it’s important for bloggers to portray real-world emotions, rather than pretending like things are pretty all the time, or funny all the time, or whatever your blog’s gig is (the universal “your”; I get YOUR blog’s gig). I think it’s important to say the things other people think, too, but maybe can’t write out as well as we can.

    I don’t dislike the way I look – I think I’m pretty, even. But I am so, so hateful of my body that I don’t know if I can ever even care that I like my face. I’m so tired of being fat, of people telling me I’m not fat, of trying not to hit 200, of hoping I can fit into sizes at “normal” stores, of changing my style to boho & flowy to cover up some of my fat. Pretty is nothing when you still feel ugly, period.

  18. Germana

    I’m glad I’m not the only one, thanks for sharing! I personally think you’re beautiful, sorry had to be said! :)
    I don’t like the shape of my face, and I definitely don’t like my nose. While we’re at it, I’d like bigger boobs. Even if I could afford surgery, I’d never go through with it. I guess I should just shut up about it then.

  19. tori

    you’re so cool. THAT WASN’T IN BETWEEN EITHER OF THE FORBIDDEN COMMENTS HAHAHA. ugh, but this post is very moving and raw. lately i’ve been comparing myself with other people so much and it’s incredible how self-destructive it can be. last birthday, i got so cripplingly insecure that before my party (“PARTY”) i just huddled on the floor of my apartment and panicked. i think the first step is noticing it. also, you were gorg in college (not like i knew you…creepy) but i honestly think you’re much prettier now. xoxoxoxoxo.

  20. Kaitlin

    i inherited from my mother- baby fat face (she lost in her 30’s), awful complexion (she lost in her 40’s).
    so i have some stuff to look forward to. my mom has always been good looking, but she’s a bombshell of a 50 year old! i don’t mind the idea of going through my prime years later. idk if there is much else i would change besides the fact that my boobs are teeny. wah.

  21. Luda

    I thought about this post for a while before I decided to respond, and I’ve sort of come to some conclusions.

    I lost a bunch of weight once. I was as thin as I’d ever been, and likely as thin as I’ll ever be. I worked hard to get there, and it felt good to accomplish what I wanted. But I still wasn’t completely happy with my weight. I still didn’t like my crooked front tooth. I still didn’t like my blotchy skin or my huge hockey ass. There were STILL THINGS I DIDN’T LIKE.

    I know. Earth-shattering, isn’t it?

    My point is, I know that even if a genie appeared before me and granted me the ability to change myself physically in any way I wanted, a week would pass and I’d find something else I didn’t like about my looks. It’s never ending. There’s always something. The grass is always greener.

    And so I’m done focusing on the physical shit. Because there’s no point. It’s futile.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      That’s what I’ve been told. And my response is always, “No, really, if I were 20 pounds thinner I would NEVER BE SAD AGAIN.” So I guess it really is always something, huh?

  22. stephanie

    the worst ever is when you are feeling okay about yourself and then you walk past a window and you see your reflection and you look so dumb! you looked and felt totally okay until that stupid window that probably is warped anyway but it is still making you look stupid and ugly and now you want to go home and wash your hair and sit on the floor of the shower forever.

    some days i would change everything about my appearance and other days i would change fewer things.

  23. bea

    FEELING THIS.

    Okay, weird confession: I’m generally fine with most things, but I am unabashedly obsessed with how my thighs look and I wish I wasn’t. On some occasions, I think they look too thin but that is rare–like once a year rare. Most of the time, (usually when I’m photographed in too-short shorts–WHY do I own too-short shorts?? Clothing is half the battle!) I’m convinced that my thighs are monstrous and ruining my life. It’s not a fun thought but I deal and it’s not every second but at this second I feel that way.

    Also, sometimes I think I can go months without exercising and then be surprised by how chubby I look. Whoops!

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      I have the same feeling about my thighs. My middle section too. And my face.

      SAD TROMBONE

  24. Kelsey

    I second the “not looking for a compliment, just want to mention this one thing” so hard.

    I hate the way I look really pretty sometimes from like 8 feet away and then I get closer to the mirror and my face is all blotchy and my teeth are yellow and a thousand other little things. It sucks because I really fucking love my face sometimes (I’ve never admitted that because I feel like it makes me sound full of myself-but my face suits me so well and can look pretty good), but I never look right in photographs. I also hate the trouble I have with my bangs.

    Mostly, though, I hate how young I look if I wear anything other than really tight clothes that show I actually have breasts. My brother and boyfriend get me these really cool tee-shirts that I rarely wear because people think I’m 12 (I kid. They say 15)

  25. Vanessa

    I don’t have much of a chin and my nose is big- my dad has tried multiple times over the past 7 years (starting at 14 or so) to talk me into a nosejob and my boyfriend recently told me he had thought I was Jewish when we first met. BUT ANYWAY, I have things I hate about not just my face, but my body as well. So over the years I’ve figured out the best ways to make me feel like I look gorgeous. I wear my hair straight and long and shiny. I wear bronzer in the winter. I play up my long legs. It’s taken a long time, but most of the time I can go out feeling pretty damn good about myself.

    And I think finding those things is maybe the most important thing. You love your freckles. What else? Do you love your hair a certain color? Dye it that. Do you feel awesome in blue? Wear blue out. You’re beautiful, almie, so find the things that make you feel great.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      Hey hey hey you leave the Jews out of this, they’re good people.

      Unfortunately, despite all of the awesome sexy things about Jews and Italians, the first thing associated Jews and Italians is distinctive noses.

      I of course am both Jewish and Italian. With a little German thrown in, you know, in case I wasn’t weird enough looking. And people, from miles away, see me and shout “JEWISH!” or “ITALIAN!” or sometimes “WHATEVER PENELOPE CRUZ IS!” And, okay, fine, whatever. People tell me, I’m ~*~Ethnic looking*~*. “What are you?” They ask. I guess over time it started to make me feel really weird and self conscious. It feels like, “HEY YOU’RE DIFFERENT, LET’S COMMENT ON YOU” and …I don’t know.

      But there are some beautiful women who have, well…distinctive noses:

      1. Sophia Loren (http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_9bqTfm28tbo/TI-MN1MVJ6I/AAAAAAAACBk/h7shVPeyvvE/s1600/kristina_sophia.jpg)
      2. Audrey Hepburn (http://www.boston.com/community/photos/raw/Karsh_Hepburn.jpg)
      3. Penelope Cruz (http://www.xtremewalls.com/hollywoodf/penelopecruz/penelope-cruz-163-07.jpg)
      4. Anne Hathaway (http://www.xtremewalls.com/hollywoodf/annehathaway/anne-hathaway-097-01.jpg)
      5. Blake Lively (http://starswallpaper.v3wall.com/stars/Blake-Lively/wallpaper/1024×768/Blake-Lively-1024×768-013.jpg)

  26. Tony Archer

    I totally don’t have the strength to write my usual novel of a response to this right now so I’ll have to say more later.
    So for now, I’ll just say: Almie, your hair is really dark.
    I mean that.

  27. Bonnie

    I love this. I mean, I don’t love it, because it sucks, but I love it because I totally get where you’re coming from. Someone posts a picture of a night out and suddenly I’m all, “SERIOUSLY GUYS WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME MY HAIR LOOKED LIKE THAT?” even though I thought I looked okay when I left the house. It must happen to everyone, I guess, but it’s awful the way it just shatters you. Anyway, I stalked you here from HelloGiggles and just wanted to say hey, and I like that you’re so honest here.

  28. Angela

    The grass is always greener, but it’s good to admit to yourself what your insecurities are. I always thought I was ugly until a boy told me I am beautiful, hot and sexy. I wish I had realized it by myself a long time ago, but after that I started to notice and appreciate the beautiful parts of me. Just remember, the concept of beauty is relative to the culture you are in!

    And, I know you don’t want to hear this, but you are beautiful-because you are a woman and girls are infinitely more attractive than boys, who are smelly and gross. (Though for some reason we still love ’em…)

    1. Psycho

      I’d like to step in here from a male perspective, and point out that this is very, very, true. I understand that the whole appearance thing isn’t necessarily for guys/men/my gender, but as a general rule, you do not have to worry about how guys think you look. Biologically, we’re attracted to you. All of you. That double-x chromosome is sexy stuff. no matter how you look, dress, or walk, we are going to have positive opinions. That’s just science, right there.

      Well,,,most of us, anyway. But…those other guys will notice that you’ve put work into your appearance (possibly) and be able to appreciate that?

      Also, muscles. I wish I had more of them. I’m six one and 140. Fine, not rail-thin, but I’d like to be a bit more obviously muscular. Although, I’m not motivated enough to do anything about it, and the hair-shirt-wearer in me wouldn’t be comfortable with Magical Muscles, patent pending. I’d be down for some motivation, though.

      1. Almie Rose Post author

        Do guys have a muscle complex in the way that girls worry about not being thin enough or their breasts not being large enough? I never thought about guys and their image issues.

        1. Psycho

          Well, yes and no. For me, at least, it’s something that I’d /like/, for sure, but it isn’t something I’m going to really do something about. I think that, as a broad generalization, male self-image issues are less likely to be the cause of enough…stress, in the psychological sense of the term, to result in any sort of actual…action. It’s more a thing that tends to come out when you’re feeling down.

          But for sure, we, as a gender, have image issues. I mean, they aren’t the industrialized, ‘ram it down their throats’ image issues that females are confronted with, but, they definitely exist. Most of them, though, from my observations, are less about possessing certain physical qualities, and more about acting in certain ways.

          Thankfully, geek that I am, I get to ignore most of that stuff and go along with my life, relatively free of the expectations of society, and try my best to be the best person that I can be.

          Also, your relationship advice videos, especially the two with Max, are the wind beneath my wings. Just as an FYI.

  29. Samantha

    Omg. Puberty is the beauty killer. I could have been pretty and then…just something happened that changed *my destinyyyy*

    sad faces all around.

  30. Emma Aubry

    Oh lordy. I don’t even know where to start with this one.

    I guess my issues come from feeling like I’m not living up to my “hot potential.” It definitely deals more with my weight than anything else, because I’ve always gotten comments on my “classic face” and “delicate features” and I’m not totally sure what that means but it’s pretty clear that my bone structure is generally perceived as attractive (though I, too, think I photograph way better than I look in person). I feel like I have the goods, genetically speaking, and I waste it on not looking as good as I possibly could. Which has a really dangerous set of implications because it means that my failure to be perfect-looking is an actual character flaw and not just a matter of circumstance or whatever. I look at pictures from before I lost weight and feel repulsed by and judgmental of that person, even though I obviously had friends and love interests at the time. And I know that’s kind of fucked, but it’s hard to not feel that way when people reverently refer to “the New Emma” or say things like “I mean you were always pretty, but now, just, WOW” or fawn over how “tiny” I am (…not THAT tiny, though this summer has been good to me) like there could be no higher compliment.

    Wow, that got pretty real.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      I love that it got real. Thank you.

      I’m sure you get comments/compliments on your hair all the time, but it really is lovely.

      1. Emma Aubry

        Aw shucks, well now I feel guilty because it’s currently dyed dark brown. Haha. Someone needed a vacation from nature. But thank you!

        1. Almie Rose Post author

          WELL NOW I LOOK LIKE AN ASSHOLE, THANKS EMMA.

          no, j/k.

          I WANT PIX OF THIS NEW HAIR.

  31. Matthew Meriwether

    Oh gosh. I’ve always been really skinny, which for a girl is nice, but if you’re a guy, then it’s not as nice. I don’t know, sometimes I like my weight, sometimes I don’t. My nose is so ginormous and crooked, that most people just assume I’m Jewish (and I’m not even kidding). My eyes are huge. I’m too tall and I hate the way I talk. And I know you aren’t fishing for compliments (or for fish) but I have to tell you that every time I see a picture of you on like Facebook or something, I always think to myself, “It must so great to know that you look like that all the time”. And that’s the gospel TRUTH! I think you look like a love child of Anne Hathaway and Rose Byrne, which is perhaps the greatest compliment a human could receive. If you don’t know who Rose Byrne is then watch Damages. Great show (and instant on Netflix! If you’re into that)

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      I LOVE SKINNY BOYS. And I am not alone in this! Trust me on this one. SKINNY BOYS ARE WONDERFUL.

      You are making me blush. Or maybe that’s the extreme heat. Either way, this: “I think you look like a love child of Anne Hathaway and Rose Byrne, which is perhaps the greatest compliment a human could receive.” really IS the greatest compliment. Rose Byrne is beyond gorge. Maybe, just MAYBE, I photograph that way, but I don’t lov bbbbq1ok like that in real life. HOWEVER, I will accept the compliment.

      And what’s with all the Jew hate? So what if people see your nose and assume you’re Jewish? They’re not saying you’re ugly. People are always going to equate strong noses with being 1. Jewish or 2. Italian but it’s easier to just roll with it. It’s just an observation, not an insult.

      1. Almie Rose Post author

        OK the weird typo in the second paragraph is because my cat Obo jumped up on the keyboard. Didn’t notice till now. Oops.

      2. Matthew Meriwether

        Thanks Almie! You’re the best one.

        It’s true, I’ve always thought you’ve looked like that. I think the weirdest compliment/thing someone has ever said to me was “You should be a model, because models look wierd.” To this day I don’t know how I feel about that.

        I have nothing against Jews or Italians. Lady Gaga is Italian! And Sarah Silverman is Jewish! I just wish my nose didn’t scream “Jewissshh” all the time. But I know what you mean.

    2. Andrew James Bond

      I’m also a very, very thin male. I have to ask, Matthew, do you find that other people think it’s still socially acceptable to tease/taunt guys like us because of our build? I get the impression that it’s considered really rude to say to someone’s face if they’re overweight/obese, but if they’re skinny it’s okay because that’s something everyone seems to want and we should be happy to be so thin. I’ve been tempted at times to throw someone’s observations about my weight right back at them, but I don’t want to be that kind of person. Sometimes I try to think about the positives (like being able to eat virtually anything I want, whenever I want – super-high metabolism yay!), but hasn’t always the best head-space to be in either.

      It can get really frustrating sometimes and I find there isn’t always a lot of support out there (not counting some family/close friends). I find most men don’t tend to build the same support groups that women do.

      I’m relatively happy with my face (so long as I’m having a good hair day), and I’ve found myself looking in the mirror and thinking “You’re not that bad looking, give yourself some credit” which could be my mind finding a work-around regarding vanity. I am, however, pretty damn critical of my teeth and body – but I also know exactly what I need to do if I want to change them. Which makes me wonder, is fishing for motivation (a kick in the butt) viewed the same as fishing for compliments?

      1. Matthew Meriwether

        I understand completely! And I’ve always been mad about this. I remember once when this one guy was sort of making fun of my body shape and whatnot, and sort of called him a fat ass (perhaps that was too harsh), and then I got a detention. But people never get that making fun of someone because they’re skinny and making fun of someone because they’re fat is the exact same thing. But, yeah, not many people relate to that. And also, people always tell my I should eat more, but I eat so many things so often. Really fast metabolism.

        I agree with this as well, and what I usually do is just listen to David Bowie.

  32. Greg

    God damn, I was totally going to go with Rose Byrne, but Matt stole that, so I’ll just say “Zooey Deschanel,” except smarter-looking, and not the Manic Pixie Dream Girl from 500 Days of Summer but a woman with fully realized inner life, intentions, friends, etc.

    You’re completely allowed to vent–it is, after all, your blog–so sympathies for feeling down. Psycho’s dead on accurate re: stuff guys get worked up about–I think my appearance is okay, but I’m single, so what the hell do I know? Maybe I’m significantly less attractive than I think. And I have issues about all kinds of other stuff (writing career, or lack thereof, rejection slips, particularly multiple ones come in on the same day, currently being single). I try not to spend too much time dwelling on them; the best cure for fretting about lack of writing success is more writing, I find. But still. Issues suck. (or, as a friend of mine once wrote, “Issues. They’re like tissues, but without the t.”)

  33. Tony Archer

    Well, as I’ve said on here before, I’ve often felt as if there were a magical rose slowly losing petals due to my very existence for a very long time. And gods bless you skinny guys, because I truly know you have it rough, but my problem is much more on the opposite end of the spectrum. First and foremost, let’s start with the excessive amounts of testosterone my body has provided me with. Which, while it does has it’s benefits (including a sex drive that is through the roof and well developed…um…”junk”), also comes with the downsides of a hairy chest and the fact that I started losing my hair (Bruce Willis Syndrome, Dan Aykroyditis, Billy Zane’s Disease, as I like to call it) and gave me some chest hair and so on. Of course, girls NEVER seem to think about the benefits that are incorporated and instantly assume that there’s something wrong with me due to genetic programming or something. Then we flashback to when I was 18 years old, 185 pounds of solid muscle, and I suddenly decide to quit drinking and smoking at the same time (I’ve been drinking in bars since I was 14. Don’t judge me.) and my body’s reaction (which I swear could be heard from the moon) was “Oh REALLY? FUCK. YOU.” and I gained a massive amount of weight. But since boys don’t make use of full length mirrors, I didn’t know about this until I saw a friend I hadn’t seen in like a month and he said “Wow, everybody was right. You totally got fat.”
    Needless to say, self-esteem was completely fucking shot. But I dealt with it and I moved on. Until a couple months ago when I stepped on the scale (I swear to Christ only girls buy scales) and I saw a number that literally made me cry. So NOW that I am totally disgusted with myself, I’m eating right and working out and such and my girlfriend hates me because I can quickly lose an amount of weight that she gains once a month just from being bloated (which is another mystery of the universe to guys, BTW), and all and all I just want to die. Or for Oprah to adopt me so I can spend my days working out and not being a fat ass.
    So yeah, I totally identify.
    But on the plus end of this, I have the most amazing girlfriend in the universe who is a fucking TEN (not just a “She agreed to sleep with me so I bump her up a few points” ten, like a totes legit TEN, maybe an eleven) and for some completely insane reason, she loves me more than anything in the universe. Which is awesome and wonderful and all, but the thing that still creeps into my mind a million times a day is “I have to do something about this or I will look fat in wedding photos”.
    Bitches, man. And by “bitches”, I mean “Self doubt” and “self loathing”.

  34. Brian

    I’m a heterosexual man and I understand this. I hate high self-esteem. Yeah I said that. The people who think highly of themselves have high levels of entitlement and are awful to everyone in the process because they think they are owed everything and always deserve better. If a person thinks highly of themselves, then they haven’t been paying attention. Crying because you hate something about yourself is preferable to me than thinking you are perfect with no evidence to support that. That sounds weird but just think about how much Hitler loved himself. Yeah I pulled the if-Hitler-does-it-then-it-can’t-be-good card but it’s how I feel.

    Saying that though what you, and every girl who obsesses about their flaws, has to think is that their flaws are like their nightmares, it’s never going to mean as much to anyone else as it does to you. When you explain a nightmare you end up saying things like, “The cat was right on my chest and it jumped with a claw.” And people are like, “So what?” You can’t explain how terrifying that cat jumping with claws was because it’s not about the cat. You think it is because you were there in the dream and the cat was there and the terror was there but dreams aren’t about the things happening. Dreams are about the emotional content not the events and you can’t explain the emotions you were feeling about that cat that made the dream so scary. It’s the same with insecurities. You may be right about your flaws because no one is perfect but that birthmark or scar or knee cap or whatever it is that you don’t like is just like that nightmare about the cat, terrifying to you and almost meaningless to everyone else and you will never be able to explain how deeply you feel about it in a way that makes sense to other people. Even if people see those flaws no one else really cares about them. Especially not in the way you do. On it’s own and in reality, the cat isn’t scary and your flaws aren’t hideous. We can relate to how you feel because we feel the same way about our appearance just like when you hear a nightmare of someone else you can relate to a nightmare you have even if you can’t see what’s so nightmarish about theirs. I’ve taken this metaphor as far as a can (maybe even further than I should’ve) but I hope you get my point. Emotions are liars that seem like the ultimate truths. They can’t be wrong but they are almost never right.

    And another thing is you’re allowed to feel this. Woman can sometimes use feminism as a weapon against yourselves and make yourselves feel like weak little girls if you don’t always feel confident and beautiful. No. There’s this idea that being a strong confident role model of a woman means never having any self-doubt and that’s completely wrong. Doubting yourself is a part of life. You’re allowed to have all the insecurities you want and you’re allowed to cry about bullshit and obsess about the details and still be strong and confident as long as you don’t let any of that get in the way of the direction you are going.

    I’m picturing the 5 awkward minutes you spent glaring at yourself in the mirror before thinking, “I hate myself” in various ways, finally letting out an, “ugh” before thinking, “I should blog about this.” I don’t want you to have those 5 minutes but they are a part of life. I know you weren’t fishing for compliments but you you’re getting one. You’re a beautiful girl. I’m not one of those we’re all beautiful people either. Nope. Some people are ugly and you’re not one of them. I promise.

  35. Cindy

    I just started reading this blog of yours. I always read your posts on hellogiggles which brought me here. What I wanted to say is that the first time I read one of your posts I saw the picture at the bottom and thought she is beautiful.. just saying

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