I am not fishing for compliments. The point of this post is not to get comments like, “BUT OMG YOU’RE SO PRETTY!!!” or “LOL YEAH U R UGLY” or anything in between. The point is that you’re floating along in a cloudland where everything is great and you feel good about your cloudlife and then you see yourself on cloudfilm and you’re horrified and then it rains.
If it’s not one thing it’s another, right?
I’ve struggled with my looks my entire life. No wait, that’s not really true. I loved my looks up until puberty. Then my body said, “Hey this was fun, but LOL BYE” and then I got into an accident that messed up my nose and then everything just got worse. I fixed my nose but I realized a few days ago that I will never, ever be happy with it. I will never be happy with my body and I will wish for the days when I had the rail thin figure I had when I was twelve. And that’s sick. And I know that. One thing I’ve learned to like are my freckles on the bridge of my nose. I used to cover them with foundation until they disappeared. I thought that made me look older. But really it just made me look less interesting. (And for the rude person on twitter who commented that it looks like I have sun damage, I’ll have you know that some of those are blackheads.)
It’s not terrible. It’s not like I can’t look in mirrors. It’s not like I think I am a horrendous looking thing. But something happened to my face. It’s just different now. With every day I get closer and closer to looking like Mick Jagger. Sometimes my face gets so full and round that once when I uploaded a video to YouTube one of their suggested tags was “chipmunk.” Which, actually, is pretty hilarious.
I found a photo of how I looked my first year in college and I felt like I looked so much prettier and I got really sad but then something good was on the Internet so I got distracted. I think it was an article on Cracked.
Look, I know. “Wah wah Almie/Apocalypstick, this is a stupid post and you’re an idiot and there are people dying around the world and you should focus on more important things” to which I say, you must be new. But hey, I’m allowed to feel down on myself. We all are. How can we not? We have images of celebrities that are so photoshopped that when we see candid photos of them we think, “Wow they’re so fat/short/etc.” No, they’re not. Everything is fucked up. That’s the problem. It’s like everyone is wearing a different pair of prescription lenses. Which, uh, I guess people are, because not everyone has perfect vision. But you get my point.
What do you think are your flaws? What don’t you like about your appearance and if money weren’t an issue, would you change it?