My flirting secrets.

marilyn monroe at a party

These are some of my precious flirting secrets that I actually use. If you were to see me at a party you would catch me doing these techniques and I would be, Hank-sitting-on-the-toilet-Walt-Whitman-mind-blown, busted. But I give them to you, so use them well and with intelligence.

These are tips on how to start a conversation with someone. Smiling, with breeziness, walk up to them (not when they’re in the middle of an intense conversation with someone) and ask them if they know “Tyler.” Everyone of a certain generation knows someone named Tyler. However, if the person in question looks older or says “No” then you say, “I’m sorry, I meant Ryan.” They will absolutely know a Ryan. Let them take the initiative. If they say, “Oh, Ryan Marsh? That guy’s a dick.” The you just nod and agree. Do not offer any last names or opinions about Tyler or Ryan until they do. Men or women can use these names, but if you’d rather approach a girl with a girl’s name, use Laura or Amy. This tactic is purely to initiate conversation, so you better have something prepared after “Do you know Tyler?”

To figure out if the person you’re talking to has a boyfriend (or girlfriend), casually slip into conversation (or lead with it), “I’m sorry, this is so random, but is your girlfriend named Anna?” (or whatever name you want.) If they say, “Yes” then you have your answer. If they say, “No, I don’t have a girlfriend” then you have their answer. If they say “No” but don’t offer a name, try a different name or say something like, “Really? She looks just like this girl I went to school with named Anna.” At this point they will confirm whether or not they have a girlfriend. If they don’t, laugh and say, “Oh my god I had you totally confused with someone else, clearly. Oops. Well hi, I’m Jayne” (or whatever your real name is) and then chat anyway.

You have to realize that these tips are dependent on you being able to talk to people. An initial moment of awkwardness is totally okay and acceptable, but after that, you’ve gotta be able to work it like you’re James Bond swimming out of the ocean to reveal a tuxedo underneath your scuba suit.

Don’t tell anyone I told you this.

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11 thoughts on “My flirting secrets.

  1. Kaitlin

    If someone came up to me and asked “do you know Laura?”. I would be like “maybe… Laura who??”. Because I do kind of know a Laura- she is the sister of one of my best friends. But she lives in Pittsburgh and so I’ve never gotten to know her.

    This trick would not work on me!

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      But that’s exactly the point! You DO know a Laura. Doesn’t matter how well. Everyone knows a Laura. The person asking you knows a Laura, and you know a Laura, and you realize it’s not the same Laura (or what if it is? weird!) and you go from there into real conversation.

  2. Kelly L

    This is pretty brilliant. I’d probably screw it up though because they’d be all “no” and I’d be all, “shit, I don’t have an exit strategy OMG LOOK OVER THERE” *run away*

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