Jun

18

2014

In A Nutshell Part 2

nutshell

In a nutshell…

  1. We’re put on this Earth to see what happens tomorrow, because you never know.
  2. It is never too late to quit a bad habit.
  3. One email can change your life.
  4. If you believe in your work, other people will, too.
  5. To quote Journey, “Don’t stop believin’”.
  6. Eating healthy is not as difficult as it seems. Buy some frozen fish fillets in a bag and get some couscous and you’re golden.
  7. Season 5 of The Simpsons is a natural treasure.
  8. If you’re feeling sad or down, watch The Simpsons. The old, good ones. It’s impossible to feel sad while watching The Simpsons. Unless it’s a sad episode (“DO IT FOR HER” omg.)
  9. The guy who doesn’t text you back is exactly the guy who isn’t worth it.
  10. People who sincerely like and want to help you are the best kinds of people. Don’t screw it up.
  11. “Don’t NOT do something just because you are embarrassed.” — my friend Katie. She’s right. Don’t miss out on opportunities because you’re worried about embarrassing yourself. Just dive in.
  12. Respond to those emails.
  13. Never underestimate what an iced coffee can do for you. It could change your whole day.
  14. Take a walk. Clear your mind. Feel good.
  15. Don’t rush things.
  16. Hang out with your cousins.
  17. Stop resisting. Unless you’re in a knife fight.
  18. Don’t take Twitter too seriously.
  19. The $6 bottle of Chardonnay is fine.
  20. Be happy for your friends and they’ll be happy for you. Don’t breed jealousy.

In A Nutshell Part 1.

Photo by Joseph Szabo.

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How young is too young?

I got this question sent to me, so I thought I’d answer it here, and ask for your opinions.

I have a dating-website related question that I suspect many people are wondering about. I recently turned 27, and now I sort of feel creepy having 18 as the lower end of my age limit. I started getting into online dating when I was 25, and it seemed reasonable at the time to just leave it as the default. Now I’m wondering how one goes about deciding what your lower limit is, because let’s be honest here, if JFK was 18 and online looking for a match, you’d be wishing your lower limit was 18. (If it’s not right now.) — Brian.

I get what you’re saying, but 18 is still waaaay too low for me, buddy. As much as I love JFK, I wouldn’t want to fool around with an 18-year-old JFK. (For JFK I’ll go as low as 21, but to be clear, that’s only because it’s JFK.) It’s all about personal preference, though I would have you ask yourself, what do you really have in common, as a 27-year-old man with an 18-year-old girl? Not a lot. She can’t even legally order drinks on your date (in America)! And we all know I love the dranks, so that’s important to me. It’s not just the booze factor, it’s an indicator of how big the gap is. Just something to keep in mind.

Personally, I keep my age range at least  year older than my younger brother (we’re both in our 20′s). I made the mistake once of dating someone 3 years younger, and those 3 years when you’re in your 20′s are bigger than you’d think. It’s kind of awkward when you’re on a date and only one of you can legally drink. I know, I know, I keep going back to drinking, and again, it’s not about the drinking, it’s about what it stands for.

Now I’ve got “Young Girl” stuck in my head.

What do you guys think? How young is too young? What’s your dating age range limit?

 

Got a question? Send me an email and I’ll post it on my blog. Indicate if you want to use your name, a fake name, or go anon. I’m here to help!

Photo: School girls, 1956. By Nina Leen via LIFE photo archives for Google.

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Posted in: apocalypstick answers

date

I like to write about dating on this blog. We’ve talked about the worst date you’ve ever been on, as well as the best. But, like Ariel, “I want mooooooore.” So I asked my readers, “What’s the worst thing anyone’s ever done to you on a date?” Here’s what you guys said. Leave your own “worst thing anyone’s ever done to you on a date” in the comments! And know that you are not alone.

 

“So one time I went out on a date with this girl I’d been trying to get with for a few months, but apparently I was her second choice that evening, because in the middle of dinner she gets a call from the guy she REALLY wanted to go out with, saying he was free after all. So she left to go meet him…and of course, she felt the need to TELL me that was the deal, because, you know, ‘honesty is important.’ I was left with the bill and the embarrassment.” — Wade. 

“A guy wanted me to come to his area for dinner. I did and he showed me his parking spot where I could park. My car got towed because he didn’t actually rent the spot and he refused to come with me to get my car. He wanted a second date. I wanted the money to get my car back.” — Virginia.

“We went skating and he started crying because his skates didn’t fit. In public.” — Lindsay.

“A guy moaned like a woman while kissing me. He also told me he had herpes and even though I told him that was a deal breaker, he still grabbed his denim boner at the end of the date and said, ‘Go home and think of thiiiiiis’ in that same womanly moan. I shit you not…it was the worst. I was stuck in his car when he kissed me and totally felt like a victim of the ‘implication’. Good ol’ OkCupid.” — Lauren.

“Let’s go with top three FIRST DATE quotes:

  1. My eggs aren’t getting any younger and if dating keeps going the way it has been, I’m gonna have to freeze them. I’d rather avoid that, so I hope you’re taking this seriously.’
  2.  ’I don’t want children. My dad abandoned me and my siblings and if you ever get me pregnant I will resent you and our children the rest of your life because I never had a dad growing up and it wouldn’t be fair that they did.’
  3. ‘I just moved down here because I had to escape my abusive relationship. I mean, I was the one attacking him all the time and getting the cops called on us. But, I mean, there’s just something that made it work, we were like Dan and Roseanne, and that’s the kind of relationship that appeals to me.’ Cue crying (her, not me).

This is when I noped out of Ok Cupid for a while.” — Daniel. 

“I went rock climbing on a first date. I was terrified and he said, ‘You don’t have very good self-esteem.’ There wasn’t a second date. Super cute guy though. I’ve rock climbed since and no one insulted my self-esteem.” — Kristin.

“Spent the whole time telling me why HIS metal band was awesome while all other metal bands were posers. Refused to eat nachos during the Superbowl. Called the Puppy Bowl a ‘retard bowl’ and wondered why there wasn’t an actual ‘Retard Bowl’, you know, with like, ‘retards running around with pillows strapped to them.’ My first online date, and I cancelled my account the next day.” — Archer.

“The worst thing a guy ever did to me on a first date was at a party. It was his birthday and he thought it would be a good first date to introduce me to all his friends. Little did I know he was actually making a bet with friends he would have me naked with a banana — not a euphemism — in my mouth before midnight. I found out because one of the girlfriends of his friends felt bad and told me about it at 11pm.” — Cassandra.

“[She] Snapchat’d me during dinner with a selfie saying, ‘I have a boyfriend. :( ” — Timothy. 

“I went on a date with a guy who could not talk about anything for more than like, 2 minutes. He also tried to order me ‘one of every martini’ which he thought was hilarious, and me and the waitress thought was kinda weird — we exchanged a ‘WTF’ glance. Then we went to a second place where he realized that he somehow didn’t have his wallet and left to go look for it. He never came back. It was a blizzard outside so impossible to get cabs and I had to wait for a waitress to finish her shift and managed to sweet talk her into driving me home. Then he tried to call me for a second date.” — Jen.

 

YIKES. Yeah, these are some pretty bad dates. YOUR TURN!

Photo by Joseph Szabo via Masters of Photography.

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Posted in: dating

Jun

6

2014

I’m So Bored

bored

Internet, we have a problem. I am so very bored.

It’s not that I don’t have things to do. I have a job (freelance writer) and I’m very grateful for my work and assignments. Every day I have a deadline. But every day I am so bored — with myself. I realize it’s a luxury to be bored, and I wish I had something more interesting to complain about, but that’s the truth — I suffer from terrible boredom, and since it’s with myself, I don’t know how to escape from it.

This is me every day:

bored

Every day after I finished whatever work needs to be done, I have no idea what to do with myself. Working from home is great, but it also has its downsides. You start to feel really trapped, because where you work is also where you play, rest, eat, and sleep. You get bored really quickly. Again, I am so grateful for my work and for what I do, and that I can do it. I have to find a balance.

Even if I get out of the house to go to the grocery store or for coffee or whatever, it still doesn’t help. And it all goes back to what my boredom is really about: me and my life. I feel I don’t have a solid arrow in my life pointing me to go where I need to go, and so sometimes, I feel like I’m drifting. I do my work, and I love it, but I wonder if I’m supposed to be reaching towards a bigger goal.

Do I want to be a writer “when I grow up”? If so, what kind? More books? Television writing? Journalism? I have absolutely no idea what to do, and so I don’t know what to do with myself, and thus, the boredom. And the fear. I believe, strangely enough, that boredom and fear go together. I fear, at my core, that I have no idea what the hell I’m doing with my life. And because I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m bored. Boom — boredom and fear, BFFs.

Does anyone know what they’re doing? Do you know what you want to do with your life? Tell me. Do you feel bored and scared? Tell me. What are you afraid of? Tell me. I feel like I’m alone. If you’re a freelance writer, tell me. Tell me how you do it. Let’s just talk from our hearts.

 

 

Photo of Anita Ekberg by Allan Grant, 1955, via LIFE Photo Archives for Google.

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Posted in: let's just talk from our hearts, writing

Jun

4

2014

In A Nutshell

nina-leen-funny-hats

In a nutshell…

  1. It is better to be someone’s priority than to be their option.
  2. Lots of things suck, but they’re balanced by lots of things that don’t suck.
  3. People will disappoint you. It’s up to you to decide how disappointed you want to be.
  4. If something feels wrong, it’s wrong.
  5. Trust your gut. As women, we’re made to feel silly for trusting our gut, and that’s bullshit.
  6. You don’t have to know the answers to everything, or even half of everything.
  7. Showing up can be the hardest thing to do.
  8. To quote Maya Angelou, for the millionth time, “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” It’s a lesson I’m still learning, but I’ll get it right one day.
  9. If he doesn’t text back, he’s probably not interested.
  10. The older you get, the slower the weight comes off.
  11. Do or do not. There is no try. (Yoda.)
  12. What’s really important to you may not even blip on someone else’s radar. We only see a small fraction of other peoples’ lives. So calm down.
  13. It’s only scary if you make it scary.
  14. Laziness is an abhorrent trait.
  15. Waking up sucks, but you’ll get more done if you wake up earlier rather than later. So just wake up earlier.
  16. You can’t rush into your next relationship. It happens when you’re not trying. Because that’s when you’re free.
  17. Stop texting people at 2 AM. Your college days are over.
  18. You have to do the best with what you have. No excuses.
  19. Excuses are weaknesses served as reasons. They’re not reasons.
  20. Wine is never a bad idea.

 

Photo by Nina Leen via LIFE Photo Archives for Google.

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May

30

2014

I Love British Men

British men

I love British Men. I blame David Bowie. And Paul McCartney. And Jarvis Cocker. To me, British men are like Pokémon: gotta catch ‘em all!

I’m on Tinder now (God help me) and I am seeing a lot of British men pop up. (Do they prefer English men? Englishmen? Someone help me out. Is British somehow offensive? I have no idea.) I know that they’re British because they say so; it’s not like I have really good British radar where I can see a photo of someone and tell. And by the way, when I say “a lot” of British men, I mean like 1 out of every 40 guys is British. Which seems like a lot when you’re bored and go through Tinder about as often as you blink. I am absolutely fascinated by Tinder. But that’s not important right now.

What’s important right now, and forever, is British men. Yes, I absolutely have a Brit fetish. I’m aware that this could be offensive, because few people really want to be someone else’s fetish. I’d be creeped out if someone boasted their love for Jewish-Italian girls and treated me like an object. But, come on. British men are amazing. You could take the most unattractive British guy and bam! Bob’s-your-uncle he’s 10x more attractive than an average American guy solely because of his accent. It’s true and I’m not sorry.

I’ve been chatting with one particular Englishman on Tinder. We’ll call him Bert, after the ever-delightful chimney sweep. Bert and I sent a few messages back and forth, and then my brash American brain decided I needed proof of Britness. I asked him to call me to, “prove you’re British.” And God save the Queen, he did. And I don’t care if the accent was fake, because it was incredible. Hearing a British man talk to you over the phone is like hearing your own private concert from your favorite musician. They could say anything and it would sound like a gorgeous symphony. Imagine your favorite English accent in your mind. Now imagine it saying, “I strangled six cats with an iPhone cord.” Fabulous.

Bert and I were going to meet last night, but we didn’t. I think we’re both too nervous to actually meet each other. And now, if he sees this, he’ll probably never want to meet me. And that’s okay. Such is life. Sometimes life is about what doesn’t happen, instead of what does.

I’m exchanging messages with another British dude on Tinder, too. Or at least I was, until he stopped responding. And I didn’t even say anything offensive, I swear.

I think men on Tinder are Googling my name and are finding my blog and going, “LOL hell no, k byyyeee.”

Oh, well. Mind the gap.

Let’s discuss British men and/or Tinder. I want to hear your stories about either. Or both!

 

Photo of David Bowie by me @apocalypstick.

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Posted in: dating, men

May

27

2014

I Hate Being Single

hate being single

So here’s a thing about being single: I hate it. I hate being single. I hate every part about it. I hate when coupled people tell you that it’s “fun” to be single. Like we’re going to or throwing outlandish parties every night.

hate being single

Pictured: my single life.

No. It’s really more like this:

hate being single

My whole life is like a pair of George Costanza’s pants. Interpret that how you will.

And I hate when coupled people say something like, “I miss being single/Hell, I wish I were single” — it’s like, really? You sure you wanna say that, because that’s a terrible thing to say. I’m telling your bf/gf just to spite you.

Being single sucks, honestly. You never have a date for anything, you have no idea where the next person is going to come from (or when), there’s a lot of lonely nights, and you don’t have someone to share fun inside jokes with. Some people consider all of these things pluses. I see them as big minuses. I want someone to have fun inside jokes with. The kind of jokes that lead to kisses and snuggling. And I don’t even particularly like cuddling and snuggling. I get bored. But damnit it, I want it. I want to know where my next inside joke is coming from.

“Where is my John Wayne,” sang Ms. Paula Cole. “Where is my prairie song? Where is my happy ending? Where have all the cowboys gone?” I don’t necessarily want a cowboy; I don’t think we’d have much to relate to. He’d be like, “I’m on a horse” and I’d be all like, “I hate horses, they scare me, they look like monsters.”

What I’m saying is, I just want to jump into my next relationship, but I’m not going to do it hastily; I still have high standards for myself, as any gal should. I’m not just gonna tango with the next guy who asks me to tango. Tango is a euphemism. For relationships. (Sometimes my writing is really complex, so I thought I should break that down.) I want to jump in, with my stupid full heart. I want a partner. I want the Don to my Roger, in a romantic way. I want to face the world knowing I have someone to text about it. Someone who will read the text and be touched that I thought of them.

I hate being single.

Do you relate?

 

Photo by Nicolas Venturelli via Flickr.

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Posted in: dating, let's just talk from our hearts, relationships