I have a feeling that what I am going to say is going to piss a few people off, so I may as well not mince words and just be blunt: if you do not give everyone invited to your wedding a plus one, you are a total fucking asshole.
Whoa, right! “How dare you, Apocalypstick, or whatever the fuck your name is! Fuck you! Do you have any idea how expensive weddings are?”
I do. I read wedding blogs like it’s my job, and it’s not my job, so it’s actually a little sad. A lot of people, rightfully appalled by how much weddings cost, especially in this economy, are doing a lot of DIY. If you don’t want to do that, then maybe try not buying a thousand dollar wedding dress. Seriously, what the fuck is that? By all means, I love fashion and expensive things, so if you want to spend your own money on that, that’s fine, but don’t get all surprised when you realize your wedding bill is adding up faster than the Sesame Street Count.
A wedding reception is a party. A wedding ceremony is something else, and if you want to keep that guest list limited, then I understand. But let’s not kid ourselves, your wedding reception is a big party for everyone to celebrate you and your husband/wife/partner. That’s totally cool, but how can you tell me I can’t bring a date? Because you’re paying for dinner? When I throw parties, I provide alcohol and food too, and if someone wants to bring a date I’m like, go for it, because that’s what you do when you want your friends to celebrate with you. If you don’t think more is merrier, then keep your reception to family only and your best friend.
Because here’s the thing: by not letting me bring someone, you are punishing me for being single. You may not see it that way. You may see it as trying to save money. I see it as you being a jerk. I’m not even going to talk to you much at your wedding anyway, and I may not know anyone there, and I don’t want to stand or sit awkwardly all by myself all night and think about how I’m alone. “That’s your problem,” you say. No, it’s yours too, because if you’re inviting me, it means I’m your friend and that you want me to be there. I’m showing up, I’m getting you a gift, and I’m happy about it, but it really bums me out when you tell me I have to come alone.
And you know what’s even worse than weddings that don’t let you bring a plus one? Weddings that dictate you can only bring a date if you’ve been together for ____ amount of years. Fuck. You. Is my relationship any less valid than anyone else’s because we haven’t been together for over a year? What are you, the social life police? Get the fuck over yourself. I don’t question your relationship based on how long you’ve been with your fiance, so cut it out with the draconian relationship rules.
“But why should I have strangers at my wedding?” you ask. So don’t. Keep it family only. But guess what, you’re not even going to spend much time with the people you know. It’s your wedding and you’re going to be mobbed. And it’s not like I’m going to bring Charlie Sheen. My date is not going to ruin your wedding because they’re a stranger. What are you, twelve? Is this a super special slumber party? If I’m bringing a date, they’re coming because they want to be there too. Their name is on our card to you. I’m not going to drag some knife-wielding asshole.
Let me get all of the obvious comments out of the way: “Bitter much?”, “I see why you’re single”, “You probably don’t get invited to many weddings” [I don't, thank God, because my friends aren't getting married yet], “I’d like to see you plan your wedding.”
Now let’s have some real conversation.