An awesome friend of mine really blew my mind today and she did it via the words of Ben Affleck.
I know. I cursed her for making me think that Ben Affleck was a remotely intelligent and/or thoughtful person. But it appears that he is.
Here’s what happened. I was being a big baby and feeling mopey and a little jealous of someone. “Why don’t I have what she has?” I moaned. “I know it’s stupid to feel this way but I can’t help it!” And then My Friend said this:
“I’ll say what Ben Affleck once said on the cover of PARADE magazine: ‘My success is not dependent on the failure of others.'”
It was an “A-HA!” moment for me. JOHHHHHHHHNNNNN TRRAAAAAAAVOOOOOOOLLTAAAAA! But really. I had never thought of it like that before. I was the kind of person who always let jealousy win. Or rather, it wasn’t letting jealousy win so much as failing to realize that there were other options. But now I get it. Why should I care that Neely O’Hara has a brand new shiny bicycle [note: in this case, “brand new shiny bicycle” is just an example and not what I’m really talking about] and I still walk like a chump? Her having this bike doesn’t mean that I won’t someday have a bike of my own, or that maybe one day I’ll realize that I just prefer walking. And Neely seems like a rad person. What she has has nothing to do with what I don’t. Not in the least.
“I mean he must be jealous of Damon sometimes,” my friend continued. “But whatevz, he’s Ben Affleck!” And I am me! Sure, I don’t have Affleck’s career, or Damon’s, or The Progressive Auto Insurance Girl’s (and I’m not fronting, I would love her career) but I’m me! My mom says I’m cool! I’m smart…I think. I’m not really ugly. I write. I’m in a relationship that I like being in. I think I have friends. All of the baristas at Starbucks know my name, and half of them know my order.
This is a big deal for me, you guys. I’m really growing! I’m gonna turn the world on with my smile!
He stole that from Steve Jobs.
Everything good comes from apples
dig it, dug it, exxxxxxxxtremely well put
Hails — It’s a process. First what you need to do is find that website that temporarily blocks other websites, because you need a vacation from the internet (or at least that little part of it). Then you need to focus on something in your life that’s going really well. Maybe it’s your job/career or even a new hobby you picked up that you rock the shit out of. Don’t have one of those things? No problem, just get one. Pick any hobby and start a blog around it. Foster your creativity and watch it grow. Because the thing is, right now yeah, she’s winning. She’s winning because you care so much. Get out there, meet other people, have the time of your life and you’ll be the winner.
Lillian — I KNEW IT. I knew Affleck couldn’t be that deep. That asshat.
Yeah, he may be Ben Affleck, but “Gone Baby Gone” was awesome–a superb, and underrated film, and one that didn’t try to force a happy ending on it (ending is bleak, and, I think, true to the Dennis Lehane novel) suggesting he should just spend most of his time as a director. But yes, it’s good to be happy for others’ success. You can’t compare yourself to other people.
I am also a very jealous person and hate when I get like that so thanks for this. Between you and Ugly Betty (I’m on a season 4 marathon now that finals are over), I got all the sunny I need:)
i know what you mean. i do this all the time. i look around the cool lives people around me are living. and then i wonder what i am doing.
but, also, sometimes i remember this thing i was told at this program (for young women who were interested in pursuing a political career) – to work off of a jealousy. kind of strange, but the way they said it was that if you were jealous of a co-worker who got a promotion and is now chief of staff you will feel jealous. and you will because you want it. so, they said, figure out what s/he did to get it. and find ways to do the same (or something similar in your own field). of course something like “she’s got awesome hair and i’m left with frizz” is well…not gonna change, but you know what i mean =]
I can’t take anything Ben Affleck says seriously. After all he dated J.Lo. But, having a case of retrospective sympathetic affections is normal. So don’t fret.