So for Halloween I went as Lady Gaga and as a sandwich. Sandwiches are my favorite things and I found the costume in my closet. I totally forgot that I had it. My dad made it for me for my senior year of high school for a play I wrote. The Gaga costume was easy. I had everything for that in my closet already. Seriously.
Here are my helpful Halloween tips, for next Halloween:
– Avoid West Hollywood like it’s on fire.
– A funny costume is way more popular with guys than a Gaga costume/”sexy” costume. Because there’s nothing intimidating about a sandwich and everybody loves them. This was a serendipitous discovery but something that I always suspected.
– You should really bring your camera or at least a cellphone. AND USE IT!! Halloween is maybe the one holiday where it is totally acceptable and not annoying to take lots of photos. DON’T BE SHY!
– There is nothing wrong with being in your 20s and going into Ralphs on November 1st for 50% off Halloween candy and taking bags of it home and mixing it all into one big basket and then “trick-or-treating” from it and putting it into your free trick-or-treat bag from Gelsons. Really. I mean, right? Right you guys? Come on, show of hands, who DIDN’T spend last night eating candy while watching “Weeds” and “How I Met Your Mother”? Hello?
– “Thriller” is ALWAYS popular on Halloween. People act like it’s overplayed, but play it at a Halloween party and watch people LOSE. THEIR. SHIT.
– The key to finding a Halloween costume that’s popular but not too popular is to go on Amazon.com and click on page 5 of “popular costumes” and pick the first costume on that page. At least this is what a guy dressed as a taco told me. And if you can’t believe a talking taco, who can you believe?
– “I was the guy who complimented you on your Gaga costume on Friday night when you were sitting on the couch with Molly…best Gaga costume I saw all weekend. I always preferred her simple more elegant looks, so kudos for going down that route.” — Terry H. Oh this isn’t advice, I just wanted to brag.
I already gave props to my dad for my sandwich, so I’d like to thank the following people for making my Gaga look come together:
– Props to the guy working at Aahs! who helped me try on many long blonde wigs.
– Props to the guy walking by me at Aahs! as I was trying on wigs in the mirror who shouted, “Hey Lady Gaga!” only confirming that this was my destiny.
– Props to Josh for offering me his elbow so that I could walk down the steep hill in thigh boots without killing myself, even though I misheard him and thought he was offering me a hobo, and that shit was about to get real weird.
– Props to Laura who told me that I reminded her of Lady Gaga and that this was in no way and insult. Sure.
– Props to the girl at the first Halloween party who approached me and said, “Oh my God, I’m actually afraid to talk to you, I feel like you’re actually her.” Props to the other people there who said they loved my costume. Super props to the guy who shouted, “I love your costume, Carmen San Diego!”
– And finally, props to Gaga, for finally making it acceptable for me to go pantsless in public on one day of the year. Goddamn I hate pants.
But let it be known: I love sandwiches FAR more than I love Lady Gaga. Sorry.
How was your Halloween? What did you dress up as and what did you do? I’m always curious to hear about other peoples’ Halloweens. Like who wants to hear about someone else’s Thanksgiving? But Halloween, hell yeah.