Feb

15

2013

Sex, dating, and marriage survey of 2012. OMG.

Match.com is one of the many Internet dating sites that I’ve helped friends with; by which I mean, making over their dating profile. Because being single sucks. Or, it does for me. Most of the time. Probably because I need so much attention.

“Constantly talking isn’t necessarily communicating.” — Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Since 2010 Match.com has done studies on singles and married people, asking them about what they want, what they have, and what they need. This year I’m bringing some of those stats to you, via Singles in America.

match.com singles america

Anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher lead the study of 5,481 single people, spending 12-14 hours a day analyzing her data. I feel like if you’re single and/or have single friends, we all do that in some way or another. Analyzing our data, and our friends’, and whatever we need to do to feel normal.

So how do we, (and by “we” I mean 20 somethings, but if you’re over 20, I still love and adore you, ASK YOUR DAD, the implication being that I had sex with your father, it’s a bad joke), feel about marriage?

kennedy wedding

Over 2/3 of men and women in their 20′s want to get married. Can’t help but wonder what if the question instead was, “How many of you want to get divorced in your 20′s?” 82% of women in their 20s wanted to get married. 67% of men do.

Weirdly, or weirdly to me, these numbers drop in the 30′s to 78% of women and 64% of men. I thought it only went up the older you get, especially with women. That’s what the movies and the television shows tell us. Except for Sex and the City. Actually, no, wait, didn’t they all wind up married at the end? Except for Samantha I guess. That Samantha! She is a PISTOL! So why is it that the stats go down? Is it because people get married in their 20′s, get divorced and think, Fuck it, I’m buying a boat? Can anyone explain this from personal experience?

Henry Groskinsky

 

Here’s something that shocked me from this study. Really, really surprised me. Did you know that the first thing both men and women judge when they first meet someone is their teeth? I always assumed my entire dating life that it would be how fat or thin someone is. But apparently it isn’t, at least not in 2012 when this survey was taken. So good news if you’re fat! You’re gonna be fine! What do you see immediately about someone you’re dating when you first meet them? Guess what else is important to people? GRAMMAR! YEEEEEAAHHHHHHH! That’s not a joke actually.

90% of people asked, “Do you believe that you can stay married forever, to the same person?” answered yes. YES! YOU IDIOTS. THE MATH DOESN’T ADD UP. THE NUMBER OF DIVORCES IS TOO DAMN HIGH!

Melina Mercouri

OKAY, LET’S GET TO YOU SLUTTY SINGLE SUPER PEOPLE. 45% of you had a friends-with-benefits relationship that turned into a REAL THING. And Dr. Fisher says, “I’m not surprised. Because any kind of sexual stimulation of the genitals drives up dopamine which can push you over the threshold into falling in love, and with orgasm is a real flood of oxytocin that is linked with feelings of attachment. Casual sex is NOT casual unless you’re so drunk you can’t remember it.”

mod sqaudI hear you there, good doctor. Being really drunk is like time travelling. I think I just accidentally made a Dr. Who joke. And this is where she said something REAL interesting to me: “maybe we’re in a new stage of courtship.” Dude, I said this way back when I started my blog. I said this in my THIRD POST. It’s TRUE, DR. FISHER, IT’S ALL TRUE!

So what do you guys and dolls think about all of this? What are some dating or marriage trends you’ve been seeing? Do they reflect this study or are you reading this and as puzzled as Cogsworth when Lumiere cooks up one of his schemes to get Belle and the Beast together?

I think this study is interesting as hell, and I recommend you watch Dr. Fisher’s talk here. It was a livestreaming video so the quality isn’t the best, but it’s worth watching/listening to, because holy fuck, it really surprised me.

(Oh, and for all you sexters out there, don’t be too hard — omg that’s what she said — on yourselves if you’ve sexted because you are so not even close to being alone. 35% of women say they’ve done but, oh my God, we all know it’s higher. It’s such a thing now that Match made a short vid about it. Check it out below. There’s another stat in there that may or may not embarrass you.)

This post was sponsored by Match.com. As always, all opinions are my own, for better or worse.

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Posted in: dating, online dating, relationships, sex, weddings

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Sugar Shane February 15, 2013 at 7:44 pm

“So why is it that the stats go down?” Could be a lot of things. I would wager it has to do with increased life satisfaction, slowing down of the hormones, lessening of societal pressure (as in, school, college, marriage, baby…), Increased financial freedom, increased support networks, broadening social perspectives…

A big part of beauty is also facial symmetry, try the free software that takes your picture and splits it in half, and makes a face out of just one side. How bad or good you look is probably an indication of how people unconsciously view you. Disclaimer: You may not like what you see ;)

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Shandra February 18, 2013 at 9:28 pm

Or many of the people that wanted to get married in their 20s got married. That’s really the easiest answer. Honestly, though, I don’t know why you think you’re welcome to keep commenting on this blog after the crap you said on the previous post. Yes, free speech and all of that, but you clearly don’t respect Almie or women in general. Unless your views have changed or you’re trying to better understand how to treat women as people instead of objects, you should probably find somewhere else to spend your time.

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Almie Rose February 18, 2013 at 9:29 pm

Yeah I don’t get it either.

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Almie Rose February 18, 2013 at 9:31 pm

Also people forget that freedom of speech doesn’t apply to the Internet. Freedom of Speech is only protected by the First Amendment in the United States. I could easily delete, ban, or report their comments on the previous post, but I’m not going to do that. I’ve been very tempted though. Those comments were borderline hate speech. Maybe not even borderline.

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christa February 16, 2013 at 9:03 am

married to my friend w/benefits for going on 4 years now. yikes… ;)

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Almie Rose February 18, 2013 at 9:29 pm

YAY!!!

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Shandra February 18, 2013 at 9:39 pm

There’s a documentary on Netflix that features Dr. Fisher and her research, and it is soooo interesting! It really puts the feeling of love and being in love in a new light. I definitely understood myself and my emotions better after watching. I can’t remember what it’s called, but definitely look it up. It’s probably Nova, and I think I’ve watched TED talks by her, too.

I don’t really have a problem with the math adding up in the question of believing if two people can stay married forever. The question wasn’t “Do most people who get married stay married forever?” The question was “Do you believe you can stay married forever, to the same person?” Even though about half of the marriages don’t end up lastin until the end, some do, and few people would get married if they truely thought it would end in divorce. The people answering yes do think it’s possible for them to get married to someone and stay with them, which (to me) is how you should feel about someone you love.

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Matt February 20, 2013 at 4:51 am

I know I’m very conservative and perhaps more ‘old school’ in my approach to relationships and whathaveyou for a 24 year old, but friends with benefits and other such like crazes do nothing for me. I’m not interested in that. I want straight up relationship(s) and in the long term marriage, yeah. I like the idea of marriage. I like the idea of formalizing and making official your commitment to each other – it is not something to be taken lightly, and I believe people do underestimate this either because it was the ‘done thing’ or we have a very disposable/fast food culture. Either way, I’ve no idea why it drops. Perhaps bad experiences…it does make sense. But here’s my argument: I would not want to get married until into my mid thirties. Not because I “want to have fun” (which I always read as sleeping around, the filthy sluts [talking about males and females here]) whilst I am young, but because it is something that only a thoroughly mature person can handle, and it is such a large (and often expensive) decision I would not want to rush into it.

Now, some may argue that “why wait, we could die tomorrow” etc. – this is true you may miss the chance, yet if you two were serious then you’d know in your heart that that was the way you intended to go, and you’d spend that time together anyway in a true relationship. Of course, this is just my view…perhaps a little too simplistic or idealist, but it works for me.

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Adult Dating Guru May 28, 2013 at 2:33 am

As much as I can understand your point of view Matt, some people just cant handle the idea of a monogamous relationship these days, we get so many people signing up to our dating site because they cant find the excitement they need from a ‘standard’ relationship.

If you can find that happiness in marriage then thats fantastic, if not, then you will likely try to find other sources of fulfilment.

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Kelly L February 28, 2013 at 3:05 pm

This is excellent news for me, because I have great teeth. Which means (hopefully) that no matter how fat I get, the BF could still be attracted to me because I have a nice smile. FINGERS CROSSED.

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Almie Rose April 16, 2013 at 3:13 pm

Change your name to Ponyboy, because you are GOLD.

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