Stop being oblivious.

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Awesome tee courtesy of Blondes Make Better T-Shirts. I’m so happy they gave this to me, because I saw it and thought, “NEED.” It’s basically just a big comfy shirt that says “M. M — MEDIUM” on it and then beneath that is a description of what the M doesn’t stand for, like “monkey.” And they’re a green company! And they have hilarious instructional labels sewn in them. And they’re made out of that material that makes tees fell all vintagey and soft. AND they’re offering a SPECIAL DISCOUNT to Apocalypstick readers: 20% for the entire month of Novemeber! (enter apocalypstick at checkout). Yay!

One of the questions I’m asked all the time, aside from, “Are you drunk?” is, “How do I tell if someone likes me? Like, likes me?”

My answer to this is, “If you have to ask, they don’t like like you.” That’s number one. I know this may hurt, but if someone really liked you, you would know. And if a month passed by and they didn’t make a move, it’s not going to happen.

But some people are diabolically shy, and make this a little harder to figure out. And on the other side are the people who are diabolically clueless who don’t realize if someone is blatantly hitting on you.

Here are some hints if someone is into you (or not):

— They go out of their way to make you happy. This could mean hanging out with you, helping you out with something, whatever. Going out of their way means maybe they have to drive a long distance or change up their plans, but they do it because they like you, and want to see you.

— They don’t call you repeatedly after 2 AM and ask you to come over. All this means is that they like having sex with you. They don’t like you. They don’t hate you, they just don’t want to take it beyond sex.

— You can be a total bitch to them (either on purpose or because of a rough day, hopefully it’s not on purpose) and they forgive you. Not only do they forgive you but they continue to hang out with you.

— They actually listen when you talk to them. You can tell that they were listening because later, even weeks after your conversation, they’ll reference something you spoke about, like, “Hey how is your grandma by the way?” or, “I saw this thing that you just have to see, it reminded me of you.” This usually segues into the private joke stage.

— They flirt with you. I mean really, that’s the most obvious clue. The above signs are some ways people flirt. Another way they flirt is to laugh at your inane jokes. Try telling a joke or a story and see who is actually looking at you the most. Who is really listening. If it’s them, that’s a good sign. (Remember “you’re just too good to be true, can’t take my eyes off of you”?)

— They make a move. This is the bottom line. If this doesn’t happen it means you’re good friends, or they’re too fucked up to handle anything beyond friendship. It doesn’t mean they don’t like like you, but if nothing’s happened by now, nothing will for a long time, if ever.

These are the signs. Stop being oblivious and pay attention. If you are the recipient of these signs, wise up.

What do you think? What did I leave out?

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7 thoughts on “Stop being oblivious.

  1. Monique

    Are you reading my mind ?

    This exact scenario has been going on in my real life and then, BOOM, last night sealed the deal. Me and this Mr. frequent the same watering hole. We have had many a stimulating conversation and one night approx. 6 weeks ago , he went in for the kill and we made out. Right there in the middle of the bar, in front of all the other regulars. I thought, wait, this could just be a fluke, is he just drunk ? But alas, last night after a couple previous nights of flirtation and short goodnight hugs and family kisses goodbye, he stepped up to the plate and walked me to my car after closing time. There was a passionate exchange which solidified the fact that he is clearly into me (as we were both fairly sober) and so I stepped up and asked for his number. With no hesitation we exchanged digits had a couple more sweet kisses and home I went, with the biggest smile, of course !

    Never be afraid to be honest and forward, that’s how people get places in life, personal and professional. But patience always goes a long way !

  2. Matt

    Yep I definitely don’t make the first move – I’m a hesitater for whatever reason..must be psychological I think. I’ll flirt like crazy for a long time but never make that step; I always enjoy that coming from her, as a sort of mutual confirmation..weird right? It’s not like I’m not a confident guy, but maybe when it comes to starting relationships that changes. Iunno. Cool read though..are you drunk?

  3. Annie

    There is this one guy I know who did all the above but never made a move – and I would have if he weren’t so terribly perfect.
    Now, we’re down to the odd text every now and then and it sucks so bad.
    But at least now I know the problem is that he is too fucked up to handle anything more than friendship.
    Don’t burst my bubble, yo. Just let me assume that’s what’s goin’ on. 😀

  4. Pingback: Stop Being Oblivious: How To Tell If Someone Likes You - The Gaggle

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