I’ve been unsure of how to approach this topic. But I think it must be said.
Just because I am a young woman and I am alone does not give you permission to start hitting on me. I don’t want your attention. I just want a cup of coffee. I just want to pick up frozen yogurt for my mom. I just want you to be polite, take my money, and give me whatever it is I came there to buy. I don’t want you to start asking me about my life. You don’t know me. I don’t know you. When I try to shoot you down nicely and tell you, “I’m just getting frozen yogurt for my mom,” I don’t need you to then quiz me about why I don’t like frozen yogurt.
Someone somewhere came up with this phrase that goes something like, “When a man says no, that’s the end of the discussion. When a woman says no, it’ the beginning of a negotiation.” No, I do not want you to sit next to me. No, do not try to come up with a compromise. No, you cannot come in, we are closed. No, do not try to reason that you’ll only be a few minutes. Funny that when my male coworker tells you we’re closed, you leave immediately.
As women, we’re subliminally taught to be polite under duress. Because if we say no, or reject any sort of advance even if we do it kindly, we’re labeled a bitch. We don’t want you to join us when we’re eating alone? Bitch. We don’t want you to buy us a drink? Bitch. We don’t feel flattered when you catcall us on the street? Bitch. And the thing is, we have no way of knowing which one of you is going to snap and attack us. I’M NOT SAYING THAT ALL MEN ARE PREDATORS AND THAT AS WOMEN WE SHOULD ALL BE AFRAID. I’m just saying that a young woman walking down the street, simply by being female, is more likely to be harassed than a man. It’s not fair but it’s something we’ve come to accept.
But it’s not enough for some men. Sometimes we just want to go out with our girlfriends have a girls’ night out. We do not want you to come up to us, drunk out of your mind, and try to get us to invite you into our group. When I had a boyfriend, it didn’t matter, men still did what they wanted anyway, but now that I’m single it’s like men (not ALL MEN) feel they have the right to blatantly hit on me. Did I ask you to buy me a drink? Did I come up to you and interact with you? No. Did I try to be polite and say “no” without hurting your feelings? Yes. So now what am I supposed to do? Curse you out? Then what? Do I need to be worried that you’re going to be a total asshole?
When it comes to bars or parties I can understand a little more why you would come up to me. After all, you’re at a bar or a party to mingle. To meet people and have fun and so forth. But when I’m running errands? You really need to make your moves on me when I’m in sweatpants, with unwashed hair, and in a hurry to just get on with my day? Do you really think that I’m going to drop everything and ask you to go out? No. I don’t want your attention. I want my sandwich.
Now. Sometimes I love attention from men. But when it’s respectful and when I clearly indicate that I want it. Guys, here is how you tell if a girl is interested: if she makes direct eye contact with you, smiles, and asks you questions, then she probably wouldn’t mind getting to know you. (If you’re British and you’re in America, you’re pretty much given an automatic green light. This is a half-joke.) If she’s mumbling, looking down, closing off her space to you, and gives short answers, she wants you to leave. She’s just been conditioned to think that she can’t say, “Get the fuck away from me.” There are LOTS OF WOMEN, I KNOW, WHO CAN SAY THAT. And who have every right. But I’m just not one of them. I can’t. I have to to think of myself first. I can’t worry that you, strange man in a bar, is going to flip out when I reject you harshly.
I had a stalker once. It wasn’t pleasant.
Basically, here’s what I’m saying. I do not hate men. I just hate being hit on when I clearly do not want to be hit on. And I think men probably feel that way too. It’s just harder when you’re a woman sometimes. Maybe that’s something I’m not supposed to say.
My “no” is not a negotiation.
I Want It That Way — The Backstreet Boys
THANK. YOU.
Who would want to talk to you. Oh and I get that as well. You’d think these girls would get a clue when I didn’t answer her back when she asked if it were OK if she rest here a while… It was so fucking annoying. Yes please do just come up beside me and brush up against me all you like. Fuck off. I am trying on shoes not buying and they have o bug bug bug.
Towards the end this starts to sound like something Yoko Ono wrote.
OH HELL YES!
I’m an attractive 26 year old gal who lives in Brooklyn and works in Manhattan and let me tell you, I endure lots, and I do mean LOTS of catcalling every single time I walk outside. As soon as I walk through my apartment’s front door it starts.
Sometimes I don’t even feel up to leaving my apartment cause I don’t feel like dealing with all the bullshit that will unfold during my 6 block walk to the subway.
But no sleazeball, scumbag piece of shit’s gonna get me down so I walk with my head high, shoulders back and when they try to run some played out line on me, I tell them to go fuck themselves. That usually surprises said cheesedick enough that he recoils. But for those few persistent assholes that still don’t give up and continue to follow me while still talking shit, that’s when I pull out the big guns, turn around to face them and scream at the top of my lungs, “RAPE”! I’ve seen men run away so goddamn fast, I thought I was at a fuckin’ track meet or something!
I prefer spinning around, looking them square in the eye and saying with a slow steady voice, “I will rip your balls off and kill you where you stand. Do you really want to find out how much of a [crazy bitch, fucking cunt, insert here whatever name they toss back to my refusal to their lame line] I am or do you want to take your last chance to walk away?” That’s always worked for me for the real persistent ones; probably because it’s so darned true by then, but to each her own 🙂
Who is the ugly blonde with the wig?
WHOA WHAT, this whole time you had a new post up??? And it’s honest, funny, and did I mention honest? Because everything you said was spot on.
I disagree, you only think that because you get normal male attention. Many many many women have to be grateful for what they get. I know plenty that would die for someone to hit on them, creepily, rudely or otherwise…
WTF?! The idea that any woman should be _grateful_ for getting attention is repulsive. Not every woman wants attention, let alone to be approached or talked to, or have their personal space invaded by men, women or anyone. (Guys either, it works both ways) And how exactly are you defining normal male attention?!
This is a great post. And so true, I’ve been there too, I had to stop using the corner shop under my office for a couple of months after a group of guys working the checkouts started making fun of the one guy serving me because of his alleged crush on me – yeah whilst I was standing there trying to pay for my shit and leave they asked him if I was ‘that one with the tits who you fancy’. Nice.
Unfortunately most women have and/or will at some point. And it’s so hard to describe how unwelcome it is without sounding either like a bitch or conceited or both.
I’m sorry, but that’s messed up.
Sorry but I completely agree with this. I would be grateful if cute guys hit on me. Then again I am assuming some of the guys you are mentioning are cute. I rarely get hit on at bars and when I do its by some really douchy guy wearing ed hardy. Out on the street I only get hit on by bums, gang members, and really pathetic looking store clerks who obviously go to community college and still live with their moms. If a cute guy were to hit on me while grocery shopping or while I am out doing errands that would just make my day but quite frankly it doesnt happen. I for one would be super grateful if i got “normal” male attention.
I’d also like to add that I see guys all the time who I think are cute and I am afraid to go up to them for fear of rejection and for making a fool of myself. I make eye contact and they STILL dont talk to me. I’d love to be able to wear a sign that says “im single, if youre hot, please talk to me. PLEASE”
Oh thank you Mr. Man, for clearly expressing your desire to penetrate me and leave me later on! Thank you so very much! *Tee Hee Hee!*
No. I don’t derive my self worth from a male’s desire to fuck me. Neither should you.
Well that’s why its your attitude towards men, ya I say men girls because we are unlike some of you who secretly wish to have a penis, your all fucking messed.
Aww shiiiiiiiiiiiit girl, you are spot on!
‘My “no” is not a negotiation.’ is going to become my fucking MANTRA!
Pingback: Tweets that mention Stop Hitting On Me. — A P O C A L Y P S T I C K -- Topsy.com
GIRL i agree with this so fucking much. it’s gotten to the point for me (especially since i moved to london, idk why but it is 10x worse there than anywhere else i’ve lived) where i don’t like going outside, especially not on my own, because i just get harrassed constantly. i wish people would understand that there is a difference between respectful, flattering attention and just plain fucking creepiness. ugh.
It is really bad in London… creeps following me home etc. One guy said he SMELT me in the shop a few days earlier. That shit is sexual harassment but there is no one to complain to.
lol who cares no one follows you your just to ugly.
It’s strange … I was under the impression women got blatantly hit on everywhere they went because I had read things akin to this entry. Always one to fact-find instead of basing opinions on gross assumptions, I made it a mental note to ask my female friends (attractive and ordinary alike) if this was true if the right moment in conversation came up for us.
Surprisingly, most of them said they don’t really get hit on that much, or just experienced mild and avoidable flirtation. I don’t know what it is about you or a lot of other gals that magnetizes this type of unwanted attention, but it certainly isn’t the case for most people I’ve talked to. Maybe you just live in a scumbag city or area, lol.
At any rate, I’ve come to learn that going with the flow is best in all situations and going out of your way to hunt down and make a girl feel awkward isn’t really a beneficial approach for either party. I err on the side of caution (and perhaps miss out on some dating opportunities), and just let things naturally take their path. What I mean is that I usually just hang with friends and, if an attractive girl is around and I find myself interested, I just talk to her and see how things go.
Part of me is curious how much social networking and the internet have played into current social norms for interactions between members of the opposite sex (or same sex if that’s your case). In old time it seemed more imperative to walk up politely to a woman, introduce yourself, and feel it out. I think the extremely heightened vulnerability to which we now subject ourselves to by being so visible online has possibly caused a natural tendency to be much more defensive, though. But that’s just an aside and some random thought.
The flip side of this entry that I could write from a male’s perspective would consist of me telling (not all) women that taking to them doesn’t necessarily denote romantic or sexual interest. Some girls just seem fun/interesting. Being a guy who knows exactly what he wants in a woman (therefore making it entirely possible to be friends with girls that may be cute, but aren’t what I want in someone as more than a friend), I find it disheartening that some girls think so highly of themselves and their looks that any approach by a guy is met with defensive hostility and automatic distrust. Sometimes a dude just wants a friend or to discuss something of common interest they observed. Some of my best friends have been girls were were very attractive but I had no romantic interest in.
But, both our situations are unique and not the norm for everyone (which I know you pointed out and stated). I don’t say anything to discredit or undermine your entry as I know that your story is shared by many others. It’s just cool to see many perspectives and different opinions/reactions contingent upon said perspectives.
Another thing, you seem to be in a pretty down state right now given your recent break up, and it’s understandable you don’t want much male attention. Unless you’re getting some aggressive dude in your face, try to give the boys a break. Otherwise, just lie and tell dudes you got a boyfriend. If it goes beyond that, go for the nuts, haha.
“I find it disheartening that some girls think so highly of themselves and their looks that any approach by a guy is met with defensive hostility and automatic distrust.”
you know, for the most part i agree with your comment, because it is unfair of us to tar all men with the same brush and assume that because some of them are creeps, all of them must be. but do you really think it’s because we “think so highly of ourselves”? seriously?
does it not occur to you that maybe the hostility and distrust is just an automatic reaction to someone who is sick of being harrassed or leered at just because they’ve dared to go outside?
sorry if this comes off as a harsh comment, i don’t want to start any kind of flame war, but that sentence really upset me. it’s not about us being conceited and thinking “oh god life is so hard with all these boys following me around” *hairtoss*, it’s about thinking, “i am sick of society assuming that my body is public property and can be commented on, groped, or leered at by someone i have never met before, because it makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable.”
also, we can usually tell when a guy is being creepy and when he is just a normal guy who wants to chat to us about the book we’re reading or how amazing that particular flavour of smoothie is.
SORRY ALMIE I HAVE HIJACKED YOUR COMMENTS WITH MY ANGRY FEMINIST RHETORIC
That’s why I purposefully used the word “some.”
Don’t apologize, girl!!! That’s the thing, we’re always apologizing. You don’t need to, especially when you contribute something of value like this comment.
First of all – you must be handsome…if you have the ability to pick and choose among attractive women. IMHO, most men are very unattractive, while the opposite tends to be true of women, thereby making them more desperate than, say, someone like yourself. We are talking majority here, not minorities like Handsome Men.
Secondly, after years of saying “I have a boyfriend,” or even better – I have a girlfriend” to men in order to fend them off, I think a simple “No thank you, I’m not interested,” is far more effective. Why should I have to give an excuse? Giving an excuse implies that “…if it weren’t for my boyfriend, I’d gladly …” And if queried about why I’m not interested – a smile and walk away does the trick.
Damn this was long. I am at home sick today, guess I have some time to share.
So this is mildly related-
Just now, walking back to my apartment, a little boy wearing no shirt looked me up and down and said “DAMN!”
It was disgusting. And disturbing. A child! A child no older than a boy!! Can’t people raise children anymore? Instead of HOOLIGANS?? Apparently, not.
what were you wearing?
I got this email from my mom’s friend and I just wanted to share it with all of you:
“Just read your blog about being hit on. Interesting. I use to get the same thing 30-40 years ago. Same sh*t. Different decade. You think it would have changed by now.”
Couldn’t agree more!
this is so on point. being made uncomfortable as a (young) woman is just something to be expected and it sucks. I used to hate walking home from school in the 9th grade because I’d get whistles and honks. I had the body of a 14 year old boy, braces, and wore pretty conservative clothing and had 40 pound backpack to boot. it wasn’t even flattering to my self esteem then and I was as insecure as a high schooler can get, so I disagree with the comment above that says “many women” would want this kind of attention. years later it’s the same crap but I’m definitely not one of those people that can say “fuck off” so I tolerate it semi-politely with a whole lot of implied “leave me alone please” which may or may not be picked up on.
have you read this article: http://kateharding.net/2009/10/08/guest-blogger-starling-schrodinger’s-rapist-or-a-guy’s-guide-to-approaching-strange-women-without-being-maced/ ? it’s a bit more extreme, or at least the author is more vigilant than I am usually, but it’s an interesting read. and I like this line particularly, “Women are under no obligation to hear the sales pitch before deciding they are not in the market to buy.” it’s funny that women’s personal space may be most easily likened to something in business, like sales pitches and negotiations.
love your blog so much btw.
AHHH SHE SAID IT SO MUCH BETTER THAN I DID.
I think maybe I should have titled my post “Stop Harassing Me” instead of “Stop Hitting On Me.” Oh well, great minds think alike, and all that. Thanks for showing me!
yeah, it definitely ends up being harassment. and you’re welcome! glad you liked it as much as I did.
Seriously thank you for this post, this is SO true. I went out with three of my friends on a night out last week and in the ten minute walk to the bus stop we got honked at three times, then once we got to the bar spent literally the entire night avoiding the creepy skeeves who populated it. At the lowest point one dude lifted up my skirt purely because I was dancing near him (not even *with* him, not that would have really been better). I yelled ‘fuck you’ but don’t think it carried over the music: if I’d seen him again after that I would have slapped him. It was horrible. Night pretty much ruined, (will never be going back there again) – all the unwanted, creepy attention from men decades older actually made me feel very negative and even dirty ….and hella angry. So thankyou, yes, this is exactly right.
so, so true…
i used to be a pretty friendly person. who knew creepy old men love friendly people so much? now i’m so bitter…
I noticed the last two comments have named, in particular, “old” men. Watch the stereotypes! Creeps come in all ages. Older men/younger women couples are more common for many social and biological reasons. (Though as a single woman in my thirties, I think it would be great if it worked the other way around too.) Some older men just like bars/dance clubs, and unfortunately dance clubs tend to be populated by younger people. It’s not really fair to assume that because they’re older, and around younger people, they’re creepy.
You’ll be old someday! (If you’re lucky.)
Getting honked at is embarrassing. I always wonder whether it is better to be sassy or to be myself (not so sassy). Such is life.
It’s a problem. It’s been one for eons. When I was younger, and finer, I was irritated by it too. Then I got older, and it got quiet.
I think the reason that this form of male to female harassment continues is that as little girls we where raised to be polite, smile and not make waves because any other form of behavior would be “unladylike”.
Well that’s total fucking bullshit! There’s a time and a place for everything and the time to tell a creepy man to go fuck himself is when he won’t leave you the fuck alone. Don’t fall into the trap of being ladylike when you are in an uncomfortable situation.
These jerks will eventually learn their place when enough women verbally shoot down their advances. The problem is that so many women are willing to tolerate this shit. And until we stop tolerating this shit, this will never ever change.
It feels great to let go of these preconceived notions and just let loose on some scumbag who’s just begging to be made an example of. It’s an enormous confidence boost as well!
avg dude here.
got linked to this site off of a female friend’s chat status. great article, good to hear from the opposite side of the coin on such matters. I definitely try to be respectful in obviously non-social situations and look for cues in ones where approaching a girl is more expected/acceptable. Its good to hear that its appreciated.
Now for a bit of my side of the coin, a sort of horrible part, actually. This behavior is really not going to stop/change, probably not for a few generations at least. There is an unfortunate mathematical reality to hitting on a lot of girls all the time. Many guys want to get physical with lots of girls, for a variety of reasons. The guys who are most successful at this approach the issue with an aggressive attitude. Try hitting on lots of girls, and force the girls to say NO (notice that they must say it in caps). This stategy ensures a certain amount of “success.” Its sort of just statistics mixed with uncomfortableness with a dash of booze (and a date rape aftertaste). Anyway, I don’t condone it, and I don’t have the “balls” to do it. Lots of men do. My advice is to get used to saying NO. The guys who need to hear it like that can take it. the rest of us understand why you had to be clear.
You wrote: “As women, we’re subliminally taught to be polite under duress. Because if we say no, or reject any sort of advance even if we do it kindly, we’re labeled a bitch.”
I couldn’t agree more – although I would take it a step farther. It’s not just a subliminal thing, and it’s not just about being labeled a bitch. Women have been taught through the decades, centuries, and beyond to be the hostess, the care for others feelings, and physical & emotional needs. Maybe it’s not actually taught in school any more (though gender specific life training in public schools is not so far in the past), but it’s taught just the same. To an extent I think it’s in our nature – women are more naturally prone to care for a child, animal or other bleeding heart – we listen to each other, bond over experiences, and seek to help each other out….
Thing is, this feeling – this learned sense of needing to be polite or caring for *whatever* reason – has kept a LOT of women from KNOCKING OUT a date-rapist, or from running out of bad situations, or from even *saying* no when feeling pressured…
THIS IS A PROBLEM!
yeah, i’m a dude and there is a flip side to this (and no i didn’t read all of the other comments, i don’t have time for all that jazz) here’s the deal. just because i ask a girl on the street which way the trader joe’s is or ask, what time does the art walk start, doesn’t mean i’m hitting on them. i just needed to know where the friggin’ trader joe’s was and you happened to be standing in front of me. and don’t you also see my wedding ring? so yeah, i’m a young, hip indie catch but don’t you also see my hip indie wedding ring? i’m not hitting on you. and if i WAS going to hit on you, i would have been able to come up with something far more clever then asking you for the time. give me more credit than that for being clever and less credit for yourself for thinking you’re so hot.
I thought it was pretty obvious she wasn’t talking about questions regarding directions to Trader Joe’s or the time of day…if that’s what she had meant, the title would likely have been “Quit Talking to Me” or “Quit Asking Me Simple Questions”. If you are consistently receiving extremely rude responses to such innocent questions, you may need to check your hip, indie breath. Further, the wearing of a “hip indie wedding ring” (or any wedding ring for that matter) doesn’t stop many men from hitting on women, so excuse us for not psychically knowing you are the one “young, hip indie catch” who would never cheat on his wife. And why so defensive? If you aren’t blatantly hitting on and harassing women, why do you assume she’s referring to you at all? If you are one of the ‘good’ guys you seem to want to be considered, why aren’t you telling the ones doing these things to stop? They make all you ‘good’ guys look bad.
wow, someone is angry. i’m just having fun with this funny girl’s blog. that’s it. and i am one of the good guys, just ask my wife. and why aren’t i telling guys to stop bothering girls? who am i? captain save-a-ho? (that’s also just me having fun, it’s just a joke) I can’t control what other people do.
the end.
No you are not one of the good guys, you just called women ho’s and are generally being arrogant and patronising. Just another egostistic mysogonist
but really… there is something seriously wrong with the universe when you get hit on the most while filling up your gas tank and wearing lumpy clothing, birkenstocks, and your hair is in a greasy bun. w. t. f.
I would just like to say, so true! I’ll admit, I’ve only ever gotten hit on twice (and it was extremely creepy both times, but especially because I already had a girlfriend. I told them this, and they asked, “Have you ever thought of being bi?” Yes, I know. Though it helps that I actually am and could just “WHAT” at them.
However, it gets really bad for me when it’s “Platonic” affection, and really annoying for me. Hey, just because I’m your friend doesn’t mean you can go talk to me while I’m at work. I might have a hard time saying “no” to you, but you should know better than to bother anyone while they’re working; they’re not going to drop everything for you, and you’re going to get them in trouble.
Also, even if I want to be friends with you, or we already ARE friends, I might not want to hang out. Maybe I’m stressed over something, and don’t want to be with people. Maybe I just don’t really feel like it. That doesn’t mean calling my parents first and have them plan this with you behind my back.
Overall, sorry that it’s hard for me to say no or even that there’s any problem; it’s just always been that way, even with my parents. I don’t know what it is; just naturally shy, always having to be the “favorite child”, not wanting to be seen as defiant like my brother, just kind of scared of everyone, not wanting to upset people I like and then not realize it, raised to be that way without realizing it, I don’t know.
Now, I’m not saying that you have to be able to read minds; lord knows unless you’re VERY clear with me, I have a hard time even knowing how you really feel about me, since I can’t read faces. However, you should have common sense enough to realize that, if it’s not a social context, she probably doesn’t really want to talk with you, maybe even in a “just friends” sort of way.
Oh, Almie, it seems this week we are kindred in our ire. I work in an indie bookshop: a mecca for older creeps who develop inappropriate fancies for we girls that work there. I find for me it’s seldom men in their twenties or thirties (I am 28) who sleaze onto me with flagrant arrogance and self-entitlement, it’s the men who are double my age who seem to have stepped right out of Sterling Cooper Draper Price. Ugh.
This is a great post, and I can relate to it when the guy is repulsive.
However, these days, I wish I did have men hitting on me. I’m 38, in shape and I’m not ugly (see my picture on my blog’s homepage.) I dress nice and have a friendly face but yet feel like I’m invisible sometime when in the company of men. Example – I met up with a girlfriend at Starbucks last weekend – a very cute, petite friend with naturally curly hair (everyone in our circle of friends cannot believe she’s single, because not only is she cute but smart and super nice as well.) We sat at the table right up at the front window, right next to the entrance. I watched as guy after guy walked in and/or out and never so much glanced in our direction. I’d just had my hair cut and was feeling super pretty about myself. But….nada. Now granted, some of these guys were married and had a girlfriend waiting for them outside. But c’mon! Believe me there are some days where I wouldn’t mind a little male attention. I’m not sure what turns men’s heads anymore these days – a total ho bag with 4 inch heels? And I cannot be that way…I don’t dress like that. I gotta be me, as Sammy Davis Jr. sang.
I love (and by love, I mean HATE) how you’ve got some dudes who’ve come in here to man-splain to you why you’re wrong and how there’s another side to it. Street harassment of women is a rampant problem and just because a couple of doods have a couple of friends who aren’t bothered by it, or who don’t do it themselves, doesn’t mean that the experiences of thousands of women every fucking day didn’t happen.
Ha! Well put. Can’t say this has happened during my errands (probably b/c I tend to have a bitch face at those times), but at bars, I ring up their drink bill, give them my wrong number and leave.
Funny blog! Keep it up. 🙂
If you have a boyfriend or if you’re a married woman, catcalling and whistling from guys is a lot worse, because you could be easily suspected of cheating. Talk about guys cat calling and whistling at other guys’ wives or girlfriends. They do it all the time, especially if the husband or boyfriend is around but then the husband or boyfriend always beats up the other guy who hits on his partner.
Pingback: A Good Man’s Guide to Catcalling — The Good Men Project Magazine
I’ve considered wearing a burka! I would get more stares but at least I won’t get hit on.It’s a man’s world..or that’s what women let them think. Ladies need to speak up and come to understand that a bitch is not a bad thing…It’s a women who is forced to put her foot down.
I totally agree- one nite, a friend of a friend just went crazy & started seriously verbally abusing me when I declined his offer to buy me a drink & give him a hug. I had avoided eye contact for about an hour, whenever he sidled up to me I kept moving, I did everything to make it clear I wasn’t interested. He just got angrier and angrier, and when he finally pushed it and I said no thankyou, he asked me for a hug?? I was like, um, I’m not a hugger, sorry, and he started SCREAMING at me, how I thought I was hot shit and too good for him etc… another girl started yelling right back, but the bit that stuck in my mind was two friends, a guy and a girl, who got annoyed with ME, and said, come on, it’s flattering, you should have just let him hug you, what’s the problem? I’ve noticed this before, when I say no to someone buying me a drink or touching me, there’s always someone who defends you and tells the creep to get lost, & always someone who gets annoyed with you because you’re single, so apparently you should shut your mouth and just take any attention, even if it’s some horrible guy groping you?? People are weird.
We’re half way to a world where no one on the street looks at or talks with one another, lets push it all the way, because even though the malignant ways strangers can interact can never be extricated from the benign, when I am in public I, like you, only care about whats going on in MY world and everyone else could just be robots or zombies to me
OMG it’s a super relief to find this post – I cop this sort of harrassment everywhere I go. It’s endemic. In every office I’ve ever worked. It’s bullying. It’s infringing on human rights – don’t give ’em an inch.
Hyperbole much! To the OP, has anything changed in your view since this post? Any new insights, understanding?
The point you hit home from the start made me laugh. It is precisely because you are a young attractive woman who pikes my interest and because you are going about your daily tasks alone that I will approach you! I want to talk, flirt, date people I find attractive and maximize my chances of doing so. Life is too short to miss the opportunity to enjoy the company and sexual chemistry of women I find attractive. For any guys reading this blog, some simple advice, just do what YOU want, not what other people expect of you (e.g. don’t EXPECT women NOT to want to be approached!). If she’s not interested, she’ll let you know and then you can move on knowing you gave yourself (and her) a shot at something. Heck if this kind of thing were outlawed, I’d have never had the pleasure of having a beautiful companion (opportunities for me at least NEVER passively present themselves; I’ve always had to go out of my way to get talking to girls I found attractive.)
Thank heavens I never read such a blog post as this in my late teens and took head to it’s advice.
PS you’re cute. take that yo!
wow very interesting stuff ladies! I always think it’s great to read this kind of stuff gives me a lot of insight into the female brain.
Anyway, I just wanted to add something. How I ended up at this website, who knows, but I will now share with you the other side of the coin in a rambling half drunk wall of text
Just got back from a party at an old friend, I’m 26 years old, 6’6, always knew I was a , good looking man but I’m pretty humble and as another poster above put it; I just go with the flow and let things happen. I really sympathize with ladies and I am probably a bit feminine (but still a damn sexy manly dude), but honestly women flock to me. I feel like every female I meet is hitting on me. I have a girlfriend. I try to be friendly, but just because I smile at you and you think we have a connection, doesn’t mean you can start grabbing at me. I get felt up by women all the damn time, give a girl a hug to say hello in a friendly way and you’ll run your hand slowly down my jacket and brush my junk. This kind of shit literally happens ALL THE TIME and every girl knows I have a girlfriend!! I think I’m just hitting it off as a friend with some other girl and 5 minutes later my friends are coming up to me saying hey so-and-so told me she wants to fuck you. Like are you kidding me?! It’s crazy!!
Mike, thank you for this comment. It’s really brilliant to hear from your POV. I never thought about it from the other side.
i know this post is old, but you should try living in vancouver bc for a while, where the men are so neutered they don’t hit on (nay, talk to, make eye contact, or look at) any girl they don’t know through friends for fear of being “that guy” or a “creep”.
But how’s the bar scene there? And the food? These are genuine questions, by the way.
Pingback: Is catcalling ever okay? — A P O C A L Y P S T I C K
Thanks for this post.
I cannot go 5 minutes with out being sexually harrassed, cat called, honked, whistled, kissed at….. You name it.
Sometimes I don’t even want to leave my apartment because I don’t want to deal with it.
Men think we have maybe a few guys try to ask us out or hit on us during the day. They have no idea that is actually nearly 100+ assholes per day.
The other day, a man who has always literally ran after me (he’s in his 50’s, I’m 24)….. He chased me all the way to my door step to hand me his number on a piece of paper and told me I looked “nice”….. What the fuck?!
I’m fucking sick of it. I can’t wait until I get old and saggy so I can feel like a person instead of public property.
And no, asshole who said we’re conceited…. It isn’t that we think we are hot shit. It is because we happen to have a vagina. And men everywhere are desperate to be in them.
Thank you for this comment. This is so very, very well put.
“It isn’t that we think we are hot shit. It is because we happen to have a vagina. And men everywhere are desperate to be in them.” — this line is brilliant, please use this for something.