Stop right now. Thank you very much.

Ladies. If you’re out with your friends and she’s hitting it off with a dude, get over it. Don’t bust in there like Ghostbusters and adjust the situation. Don’t be Harold Ramis to our Bill Murray. I’m not even sure what that means, as I saw Ghostbusters and was kinda drifting in and out of giving a fuck. I just don’t want to spell the third guy’s name. I always mess up Dan’s last name. Too lazy to google.

It’s just rude. Girl code, you know? Once time I got cockblocked by someones’ PARENTS. That was rude as FUCK. I was talking to this dude who was leaving the next day for NYC and things were sparking and then up come these parents and started talking to him like I wasn’t even there, like I was a table or something. I wandered away and that was it. PARENTS JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND.

But if your gal pal is doing this, you need to calmly confront her. Something kind and funny while getting to the point like, “Girl I had fun last night but I was totally hitting up that guy who looked like Cary Grant with a mullet until you entered the picture. You’re so pretty and smart, you could have any guy, just give me a chance, Bieber.” If they say, “No, bitch” then you need to laugh, smile and say, “Okay” and walk away laughing. Because that’s just insane and no one should have a friend who steals boys and doesn’t even care about your feelings. I’m not saying you have “dibs” on anyone but if you’re clearly hitting it off and your jealous friend steps in and dominates the conversation, she needs to sit down and know what’s up.

That’s my PSA of the day. xxo.

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21 thoughts on “Stop right now. Thank you very much.

  1. Kaci Johanna

    I only ever bust in if my girlfriend is drunk and the guy is clearly a douche. Maybe that’s cockblocking, but I figure it’s for the better.

    (Looo-oooove the Spice Girls reference!)

  2. Yamini

    To Kaci above,

    I very much understand because I do that a lot. But once, I really relaly really wanted to get laid by this hot douche and I did not care that he was douchey, and my friend cockblocked me for this very reason.

    I’m still a little bit mad at her despite the best intentions. You don’t understand how hot this douche was.

    Good post though. It is always a frustrating thing to deal with.

  3. Karen/KDT42

    Hey Almie… I can’t read your article because your sidebar width is funky. I have a 24′ iMac and I can’t read your article in Firefox. This is bad. Please fix because I love your posts.

    Thx,
    Karen

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      Hi Karen. I opened this in firefox and it looked fine to me…can you take a screen shot and email it to me so I can see what you mean? My email’s under “contact.” Thanks!!

  4. Tony Archer

    I’ve had to play crotch goalie for a friend of mine many many times when she gets drunk because of how out of control her booze-n-bone habits were getting. It got to the point a where a group of her friends had to form an elite squad devoted to keeping her panties on.
    But she’s actually scored a couple of serious boyfriends out of this method, so she’s totally grateful for our interference. One guy that she dated for over a year was the result of me pulling him aside and just saying “Hey, you seem like a good dude and she seems to really like you right now, but be a gentleman and just get her number and call her tomorrow.” But on the other end of the spectrum, I’ve also helped a friend out by interrupting a situation similar to Almie’s and saying “Hey, I’m sorry but I’ve gotta leave right now. You can get a ride right?…Hey cute guy she’s talking to, you have a car don’t you? No time to talk! BYEEEEEEEEEEE!” and now they are married.

    Almie, I’ll be your wingman any day.

  5. ameena

    I found out yesterday that they are making a THIRD ghostbusters movie. The fuck? Some things just need to die.

    Also, one of my friends has taken to calling me a cock block because somehow I end up inadvertently cock blocking people. But usually it seems to be for the best. So maybe it’s just that I’m psychic? or something.

  6. Pam

    I thought Parents Just Don’t Understand was Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince!

    Anyways, this made me LMAO…and I loved the Ghostbusters reference.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      Oh they are! I like to throw up pop culture references everywhere.

      Thanks!!

  7. Alexis

    Oh, Spice Girls…

    This is why girls need to discuss these situations beforehand. Like, have an understanding of who is going to not hold back on the drinking & who might need to be refereeing potential drunk decisions. Maybe develop some hand signals for stuff like, “I know I’m drunk, but he’s hot & I just need to get laid.” or “You are too drunk right now, I need to take you home.” Whatever.

    The moral of the story is, cockblocking is annoying & a bad move unless you are absolutely positive that someone needs to intervene as a health service.

  8. Rahul

    This is why you should date someone with no parents. A drifter if you will. A horse with no name. A man on the edge of nothing. A woman on the precipice of everything.

    I think I just wrote a Dylan song.

  9. Lisa Jennea

    Um, yeah, jealous friends totally suck balls. I actually think it’s hilarious when my girlfriends do this to me, because they guy I’m chatting up usually clues in to the fact that the interrupter is really saying, “Oh heeey! Look at me! I need attention! HI! HI! HI! Look at me!”

  10. Andrew James Bond

    Oh man, thank you for addressing this issue.

    I recently saw a kind of drama like this unfold in front of me while at a major nightclub in Spain (I people-watch, but it’s okay ’cause I’m a socio-culturalist so it’s academic). Basically, I was on the opposite side of this barrier separating a raised floor with seating from the dance-floor. At one point I look down and directly across from me to see a reasonably attractive young man (let’s call him Adam), a light-brown hair girl (let’s call her Betty), and a blonde girl (let’s call her Catherine). I’m not making a solid effort here with these pseudonyms, but whatever. So Adam and Betty are chatting it up and Catherine it looking left out and bored out of her skull. Every time she looks over at her friend she keeps rolling her eyes and sighing. Next thing you know, Adam and Betty are deep in tongue-tango. Catherine is NOT PLEASED. She turns her head away, eyes closed. She squints hard and I catch a glimpse of some lip biting. Poor girl is trying her damnedest not to cry. Betty is completely clueless to this now that she has her own hot piece of Spanish cuisine. When Catherine does look back, she back-hand’s Betty’s shoulder with a slap. Betty comes up for air and twists her head back with an expression of “What? What’s the problem?” but Catherine can’t even look at her. So Betty shrugs it off and pulls Adam back in for lap two of dance-floor make-out pro circuit 2011. Catherine, now fed up and heartbroken with no Conquistador of her own, reaches into her handbag and takes out a BLACK SHAWL (mind you, I’m in a club throwing a party to kick off the summer clubbing season, so almost everyone is in bright clothing). Just before she disappears into the crowd (she was short) I swear to God she wrapped it around her head like an stereotypical Eastern-European war widow – as if Pat Benatar’s lyrics had come to fruition and she had just lost her friend on the battlefield of love. Meanwhile Betty enjoy’s her man-paella for a few solid minutes before she finally realizes her friend has disappeared.

    That’s all I remember seeing. When you stay out to dance for seven hours straight without drinking you can expect to see some interesting things.

  11. Stacey

    Coincidentally I heard this song blasting out out of someone’s car today. So this line has made my day twice today because I wholeheartedly agree with this and the Spice Girls. Spice World was the bomb.

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