Dear West Hollywood,
You are out of your FUCKING MIND if you think I am going to pay for this parking ticket. You need a pass to park, I know, and guess what? I HAD the pass. It somehow FELL off of my REARVIEW MIRROR and onto the FLOOR OF MY CAR BUT IT WAS STILL THERE. The ticket says the pass had to be “visible.” ANYONE WITH EYES COULD SEE THAT THE PASS WAS IN THE CAR BUT ON THE FLOOR. That is visible. Were the pass shielded in an invisible forcefield then I could understand the ticket. But by your literal standards, the pass was visible.
If someone were to come up to me and say, “Which part of Los Angeles should we burn down?” I would without a doubt point to you, West Hollywood. YOU ARE FAKE. You are everything that is wrong with Los Angeles. I doubt anyone would miss the Sunset Strip. The Whiskey and The Roxy were last famous in 1979 and that’s being generous. You are now known for the Hustler store and the lot that used to be Tower Records. DAZZLING ACHIEVEMENTS.
At least the Valley has a thriving pornography industry. At least it’s honest. YOU ARE NOTHING BUT SHIT, West Hollywood. You are where B-list celebrities like Seth MacFarlane decide to make their residence, and that’s being generous. That is all you have. I am allowed to say this because I am actually born and raised in Los Angeles which is a fucking rarity in this town, apparently. I am not from Ohio. I am from here. I decree that you BURN, WEST HOLLYWOOD. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU SO MUCH. GET MORE PARKING, ASSHOLES. FUCK YOU AND ALL OF YOU.
Sincerely,
Willem Dafoe
P.S. TEDDY’S, YOU PEAKED IN 2005. I KNOW IT, YOU KNOW IT, WE ALL KNOW IT.
apocalypstick
apocalypstick
apocalypstick
apocalypstick
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
WORD, DAFOE.
DO NOT REPEAT DO NOT FUCK WITH THE PARKING BUREAU! They will grab you by the balls, punch you in the gut, reverse your gut and balls, and repeat. There is, however, a possible way to win. I've had success here (but also failure). Go to this website:
https://wmq.etimspayments.com/pbw/include/weho/revform.jsp
Write that the parking pass may have been overlooked, and be sure to include the permit#. They might ask that you mail in a copy of this pass. If so, don't forget or else CHAOS REIGNS.
Please tell me you sent this.
Thanks Anon that is actually great advice. I will pass it on to Mr. Dafoe.
Please replace every WEST HOLLYWOOD with MIAMI BEACH & welcome to my life. Love your work loca.
i hope they fix that, that's so annoying. I get tickets all the time because I forget to stick my pass up in the dash, but it's still IN THE CAR. Ugh.
I've found that having a perfectly spherical car makes it impossible for them to leave one tickets at all.
Ugh! Damn the man. I hate undeserved parking tickets!
I got a $60 in Beverly Hills a couple weeks ago for parking in a residential street and not realizing the sign said no parking without permit between 6am and 2 am. I thought it said pm because I don't pay attention. Anyway, it was LAME