Dear West Hollywood,
You are out of your FUCKING MIND if you think I am going to pay for this parking ticket. You need a pass to park, I know, and guess what? I HAD the pass. It somehow FELL off of my REARVIEW MIRROR and onto the FLOOR OF MY CAR BUT IT WAS STILL THERE. The ticket says the pass had to be “visible.” ANYONE WITH EYES COULD SEE THAT THE PASS WAS IN THE CAR BUT ON THE FLOOR. That is visible. Were the pass shielded in an invisible forcefield then I could understand the ticket. But by your literal standards, the pass was visible.
If someone were to come up to me and say, “Which part of Los Angeles should we burn down?” I would without a doubt point to you, West Hollywood. YOU ARE FAKE. You are everything that is wrong with Los Angeles. I doubt anyone would miss the Sunset Strip. The Whiskey and The Roxy were last famous in 1979 and that’s being generous. You are now known for the Hustler store and the lot that used to be Tower Records. DAZZLING ACHIEVEMENTS.
At least the Valley has a thriving pornography industry. At least it’s honest. YOU ARE NOTHING BUT SHIT, West Hollywood. You are where B-list celebrities like Seth MacFarlane decide to make their residence, and that’s being generous. That is all you have. I am allowed to say this because I am actually born and raised in Los Angeles which is a fucking rarity in this town, apparently. I am not from Ohio. I am from here. I decree that you BURN, WEST HOLLYWOOD. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU SO MUCH. GET MORE PARKING, ASSHOLES. FUCK YOU AND ALL OF YOU.
P.S. TEDDY’S, YOU PEAKED IN 2005. I KNOW IT, YOU KNOW IT, WE ALL KNOW IT.