THINGS THAT I AM SICK OF DOING:
1. Everything.
2. Shaving my arms. Why do I do this? I don’t know, Jerry. I shaved them one day because I realized that I was a girl and that most girls did not have arms as hairy as mine. I’m Italian, these things happen, how was I to know? (Similarly, guys, don’t ask girls if they shave their arms. Yes, someone actually asked me this last night.)
3. Scanning the room for the hottest guy there.
4. Talking him up, bitch should be talking to me, I’m fabulous.
5. Trying to convince myself how awesome I am.
6. Washing my hair.
7. Dealing with assholes on a regular basis.
8. Apologizing.
9. Staring at my suitcase that has not been unpacked since I got back from New York on Tuesday.
10. Trying to make things happen.
11. Being normal.
12. Dealing with peoples’ needs.
13. Going to nightclubs and not being famous while there.
14. Dealing with my own needs.
15. Texting.
16. Resisting the urge to just fucking punch everyone.
17. Telling people what I do for a living, because it’s more like telling them what I don’t do. Really, we’ve been on this earth so long, and we still haven’t found something to replace “So what do you do?” as small talk? Someone get on this, we sent someone to the moon, goddamn.
18. Convincing myself that wine is a fruit.
19. Networking.
20. Telling TiVo to stop recording every goddamn episode of “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia” that airs, ever. I only want the new ones. What don’t you fucking understand?
