What Is The Big Deal About Ryan Gosling?

Ryan Gosling

What is the big deal about Ryan Gosling? I don’t get it, and I never have.

The Internet (and “real life”) is freaking out because he’s having a baby with actress Eva Mendes. Um, did anyone think they had a chance with Ryan Gosling? Like his having a baby was the ultimate personal shutdown to you, Ryan Gosling fan. Sorry, but him having a baby doesn’t affect you in any way. You didn’t have a chance before, and you won’t have a chance ever. Sorry. He’s not even the guy you probably think he is. He’s just an actor. You don’t even know him. Let him live his life.

Anyway, here’s what I don’t get about Ryan Gosling.

The Notebook Sucks.

Yeah, I said it. I said it and I regret nothing about saying it. That movie was a pandering piece of baloney. (When I get real feisty about a topic, instead of cursing, I turn into a 1930’s newspaper reporter. Baloney, I tells ya!) Ryan Gosling played an insane stalker. That scene when he tries to woo Rachel McAdams’s character by HANGING OFF A FERRIS WHEEL was absolutely ridiculous. That man was a fucking maniac, hanging off a goddamn ferris wheel like a fool. (Okay, I lied, the cursing is coming back.) He manipulated her into being with him, and then continued the manipulation with all of his stupid letters and saying shit like, “If you’re a bird, I’m a bird.” Which is supposed to be a really romantic line, but sounds like some creep trying to possess a woman, like I could hear someone following me down a dark street cackling, “IF YOU’RE A BIRD, I’M A BIRD, MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAA. FLY FOR ME!!” Sorry, but I didn’t find that movie romantic, I found it bizarre. His character had some serious mental problems and didn’t understand the meaning of the word “no”. How is that romantic?

He looks like a farmer.

Ryan Gosling

“Time to plow the fields soon.”

Everyone says he’s so handsome, but I look at Ryan Gosling and I see a farmer, and I can’t really explain this. No offense to farmers, but I guess what I’m trying to say is he looks like a totally ordinary man to me. Like some dude who wandered into Hollywood from Iowa. No offense to people from Iowa. I’m just saying, he’s no big deal. But this is coming from someone who finds David Bowie to be the ultimate sex boat, so my tastes are decidedly different from most of America I guess. NO, I’m not saying I should get a medal for this, but if you want to send me one my address is:

1234 Fuck Ryan Gosling Way
Los Angeles, CA 90000

The memes stopped being funny ages ago.

The whole “Hey Girl” Ryan Gosling meme has been turned into a book, a coloring book, coffee mugs, Twitter/Instagram accounts, and T-shirts, and I’m sick of it. It wasn’t even that funny to begin with. What’s so funny about the idea of a man being sensitive and kind? “A man likes Pinterest? Hilarious!” No.

Anyway, I’m sorry if this comes off as very harsh, it’s just something that’s been building up inside of me for a long time. I will never understand the Ryan Gosling mania. People act like he’s the goddamn Beatles. He’s just a dude with a great job. But if you wanna continue to act like he’s sexy Jesus, go ahead, it’s your life. Just explain to me what the big deal is, because, like a cat trying to pin down his shadow, I’m not getting it.

The following men are more crushworthy than Ryan Gosling:

— Gregory Peck
— Paul McCartney
— Jarvis Cocker
— David Bowie
— Gaspard Ulliel

I mean, you can totally have a crush on all of these men and Ryan Gosling; that’s like saying just because you like Britney Spears means you can’t listen to indie rock. Not true. I’m just saying, in conclusion, I am terribly uncool and out of touch with my generation regarding this particular actor and his fandom, and I’m okay with that.

And seriously, fuck The Notebook.

Images via Zimbio.

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20 thoughts on “What Is The Big Deal About Ryan Gosling?

  1. Ami

    I’m going to join in thr Ryan Gosling analysis, because why not.
    First of all, let me say, The Notebook did suck. I’m not going to lie, I did cry the first time I saw it, but I was like 14 back then. It is a story of a completely dysfunctional couple and it’s supposed to be super romantic, but where is the romance, really? When did the super awesome love happen? Noah was obsessed and attached to the idea of Allie and it did bother me how at the end, they didn’t appear to give a single fuck about their own children and grandchildren. I mean, come on. As for the endig, typical Nicholas Sparks ending.
    However, Noah’s character was inevitably associated with Gosling. So he became a symbol of devotion, I suppose. That, and the abs, on Crazy Stupid Love.
    I agree that Ryan Gosling is not a conventionally handsome man [although they made him an Abercrombie and Fitch model in CSL]. I mean, look at him at Half Nelson, or Lars and the real girl. His face is weird. I get that some people don’t like him. Personally, I find him attractive. I also find Matt Bellamy attractive. I mean, that’s as personal as it gets.
    I used to watch “Breaker High” when I was 10ish and RG was on it. So when he came back to fame, doing these bigger films, it was like I was seeing a friend, you know. I’ve always liked him. I think he’s a good actor, very good. I also happen to like Dead Man’s Bones. I was impressed when I heard him sing, although the lyrics are beyond creepy.
    On the relationship/pregnancy thing, you couldn’t be more right. I mean, if this is true, it’s wonderful news. A baby is awesome. That matter though, is not really anyone else’s business.
    PS. I did appreciate the farmer analogy. Like I said, I do find him attractive, but I can see it.
    PS2. I was totally expecting to see Jarvis and Macca on that list, but hey, Gaspard Ulliel all the way!

  2. Pam

    I thought he looked sexy in The Place Beyond the Pines….but yeah The Notebook just sucks ass. Now I’ll always think of him as a farmer.

  3. Shreya

    Thank you! Finally! I have been screaming this from the rooftops, but apparently I wasn’t loud enough.

  4. Alisha KP

    I am so glad you wrote this.

    Firstly, he was such a wussy loser in The Notebook. What a shit movie.

    Secondly, how did he suddenly become the new obsession?? He’s been around for years and been very uninteresting that whole time and now all of a sudden he’s everyone’s favourite piece of meat.

    Thirdly, he’s going to go bald soon and look really ugly. Best you direct your hormones to Jake Gyllenhaal. He’s got a head full of hair.

  5. Erica L

    I love this article, my only concern is that on your last list Bowie is ranked 4, please tell me that was a mistake/the list is in no particular order, because as you previously stated, Bowie is the ultimate dreamboat.

  6. Alexandria G.

    I agree, but that could really be said about any actor in Hollywood. . (except for Robert Pattinson, obviously). With the exception of Twilight, he is a delight for reasons I can defend via every interview he’s ever had. BUT BACK ON TOPIC: RG is one of those guys who is generally bland, but once and a while can be attractive for no apparent reason. Science has yet to explain these things, but I’m waiting.

  7. Kate @ GreatestEscapist.com

    I completely agree & have long felt this way. I didn’t hate The Notebook, but it didn’t have me swooning over Ryan Gosling, either. He’s a decent-looking dude, & he’s a good actor, but I have exactly zero strong feelings toward either of those facts &, therefore, to him on the whole. In short, WHATEVER.

  8. singlegirlie

    OK, THANK YOU! I have never understood why all the boys and girls are going gaga for Gosling because he just don’t do it for me. I also have never seen the Notebook and refuse to watch it because movies like that make me want to slit my wrists.

    He is *okay*-looking. His acting is okay. His personality? Is there one?

    Thank you for calling attention to this very important piece of baloney.

  9. Greg

    Can’t speak for crushes, but he was great in “Drive” and “Lars and the Real Girl” and “Place Beyond the Pines,” which are three very different movies. “Drive’s” a hard movie to pull off. You’ve got to be totally minimalist while having a ton going on under the surface. Also, he was apparently Hercules in “Young Hercules,” though I have absolutely no desire to see that.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      I’ve never seen “Drive”. I saw “Lars and the Real Girl” but barely remember it. Should I see “Drive”?

  10. Gene

    I think he looks weak (that’s just the random vibe I get, so I’m probably wrong, I just mean in a “first impressions” way) and I don’t find that attractive, but My God, the Gosling mania is insane. Apparently it’s against the rules of Western society to not think he’s God. (I had someone tell me I must be gay, since it’s impossible to not think he’s sexy. WTF.) I’m sure he’s a nice guy, but his fans are freakin’ rabid.

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  12. Tiffany

    Gregory Peck & Paul McCartney…love your taste in men!!!

    I read the director of the Notebook cast him because he wasn’t handsome…so you may be on to something!

  13. Pam

    Love it. I don’t even know what other movies he has been in, other than said “Notebook.”

    One of my favorite actors is Christoph Waltz, and the Internet is full of side-by-side photos of Ryan Gosling and Waltz, comparing them, saying they’re twins, especially when Waltz was younger. Um, NO WAY. Not even close! Gosling to me is still a boy, while Christoph is a mature, grown up man. And I don’t think they look anything like each other…people are blind.

  14. Guy

    “What is the big deal about Ryan Gosling?”

    Other than that he makes the randy wenches wet, absolutely nothing.

  15. Rachel Skye

    Ryan Gosling – certainly not a heart-throb, certainly not ugly, certainly not handsome, not sexy by any length of the imagination – don’t get the “farmer analogy”. He’s OK, but sort of non-descript. Would never have given him a 2nd. look and tend to ignore his movies.

  16. Dori

    I think he is just plain ugly, with a crooked nose and too big chin.. Sorry just gag when I see him

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