Whatever happened to the teenage dream?

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I mean this is what instagram was made for, right?

Why did I hate being a teenager so much? Being a teenager is awesome. Nothing you do matters. Nothing. Teenagers, I’m not trying to put you down; on the contrary. I’m trying to empower you. Don’t you realize how awesome it is when nothing you do matters? You can do anything. Anything! Go to school, don’t fuck up your grades, and then do whatever the hell you want. Stay out late on a school night. Wear something stupid. Be ignorant. Don’t try to be an adult. Being an adult kind of sucks, I’m gonna be real. There are a lot of great things about my life, like I get to legally drink (even though I still get carded which is both flattering and extremely embarrassing), I don’t have to tell my parents what I’m doing all the time, and I can basically say, “Fuck this shit, I’m an adult!”

Now here are the downsides: as an adult, drinking takes a harder toll on my body, I actually miss my parents telling me what to do because now I have to make those decisions for myself, and if I say, “Fuck this shit, I’m an adult!” I have to deal with the consequences, good or bad. And guys, my knees hurt. I’m in my twenties, not even my late twenties, and my fucking knees hurt after a workout. Which reminds me, does anyone have a good workout DVD/whatever other than The 30 Day Shred? Because The Shred works but it kills my knees every time. And as vain as I am, I don’t think it’s worth it. So yeah, your stupid knees hurt and you have to find a job and keep it because you have to pay for boring shit like bills, and sometimes you cry in the corner of the shower thinking, “LOLOLOLOL” in your brain. Because being an adult can be absurd.

I didn’t appreciate being a teenager because as a teenager I felt ugly, hated that I looked so young, and wished I didn’t have to go to school. Those were my problems. Those aren’t problems. Those are, “Shut up you’re not ugly, one day you will LOVE being told you look young, and get your shitty body to school you idiot it’s a lot easier than real life.”

Teenagers: have some fucking fun. I mean it. If not for you, then for Uncle Almie.

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11 thoughts on “Whatever happened to the teenage dream?

  1. Molly

    I can seriously relate to this, especially now with more “adult tasks” in my life such as potential pregnancy (I loved being a virgin in high school– no problems! Haha), job stability, bills, etc… Dear God. I overheard some kids moaning about how so and so gets everything, blah blah blah and I thought how lovely their moment actually was because in their bitching they aren’t hyperfocused on how to be a contributing adult to society…

    Btw, your “I’M AN ADULTTT” brings to mind that Andy Samberg “Threw It On The Ground” song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAYL5H46QnQ&ob=av3e); I don’t need your hand outs! Maaaaan! I felt like this would be the appropriate song for your post.

    1. Lizzy Grace

      I don’t mean to get all up in your business, but I sympathize with you. “Potential pregnancy”? I hope to God I’m not offending you. This is such a big deal to me because I was in the same boat a year ago, except at this point last year I was pregnant. I decided to keep my baby and be a single mom and guess what. The problem flood gate didn’t close. We’re adults, we do have adult problems. However… life gets better with a child. You calm down. You learn how to multi task like a multi tasking wizard. You’re above the stupid antics your peers are trying to pull off. You have a bigger purpose in life. You have some one else to live for. You have a reason to accomplish whatever goals you feel you may be held back from. Guess what. When people are held back from goals a lot of the time it’s because they aren’t motivating themselves. If you are indeed pregnant YOU WILL BE MOTIVATED.

  2. Allie

    I totally agree. I thought I was fat in high school – and now I look at those pictures and want to punch myself in the face for ever thinking that! I wanted an apartment and a car and a full-time job – I DON’T WANT ANY OF THAT now that I have to have it. Can’t I just move home and take classes at a school close by and then spend my evenings eating wings with my friends and watch Center Stage? Wait…isn’t that what I did in high school? HIGH SCHOOL KIDS YOU ARE SO LUCKY.

  3. Geoff Souder

    Ha! I totally agree. The problem is that when the only thing you’ve ever seen is a mole hill, you can be convinced that it’s actually a mountain. Meaning, there’s no perspective to give a kid of 16 to make them understand what it’s like to be an adult until they grow up and become an adult. I clearly remember staying up until 4am and going to school at 8am with no problem. Now, mid thirties, if I’m not in bed by 11 my whole week is fucked. There’s a saying, “youth is wasted on the young”. I never really got it until I hit 30.

  4. Luna

    It’s like you’re in my mind. The knees thing is so true, it also happens with my stomach. There’s also the high school vs grad school thing, the HUGE student loan, and let’s not forget how easy it was to loose the weight I am now aware will live with me for the rest of my days.

    P.S. The P90X is supposed to be good, one of my besties loves it!

  5. Dr.R

    The web needs more posts like this! BTW, you are still young enough so that teenagers will listen to you (maybe), and you can help them feel better about themselves, and there will be fewer teen breakdowns and suicides . . .and you will change the world!

  6. Matthew Meriwether

    And here I am, reading your blog five hours before school starts thinking, “shit, I have CHEMISTRY!”

  7. Cherie Jamison

    I was the lamest teenager ever. I seriously think I’m mentally younger now than I was then. I turned up my nose at penis jokes (hilarious!), I never partied (sad!), I didn’t date (probably wise). I sat there and wished I was somewhere else entirely.

    Now I want to dye my hair blue, get a lip ring, wear something trashy, and tear everything the fuck up. But I’m graduating college and about to be all professional and shit.. I robbed myself of my youth.

  8. Lizzy Grace

    Oh about the workout DVD thing… I live by workout videos. I used to work out everyday for over an hour running, weight training, yoga… whatever all that stuff. (I’m in my early twenties too btw) I felt like my body was never quite how I wanted it to be. Until (keep in mind I have very limited time because I have a baby, work full time and I’m still doing undergrad course work)… I decided it was all BS and I could work out for twenty minutes a day with a Denise Austin Bootcamp DVD or go to hulu.com for free and do the Gaiam “Wake Up” daily exercises. I’d send a link but I can’t right now because that site’s restricted at my job. They are made by The Firm and I highly recommend the kick boxing and the dance video. Also the 10 minute cardio thing with Brooklynn Decker on hulu.com is really great (but it may hurt your knees a little, it does mine). Anyway… I love talking about working out so I had to put my two cents in.

  9. Simone

    I don’t ever want to be a teenager again but if I had the chance I would definitely try and have more fun instead of spending way too much time in my room, listening to Portishead, feeling morose and wishing I was a “grown up”.

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