WHO AM I?

I just got bangs and I feel like my whole personality is different. In acting it’s very important to find your “type”. My type is quirky/artsy/bitchy Ellen Page bullshit, apparently, but I hate EP so I’m trying to sell a more Lizzy Caplan & Zooey Deschanel type vibe. (Although let me say that I will go with WHOEVER gets me the most buzz/money/whatever.) Hence the bangs. That Zooey is so hot right now.

But the bangs are really having an effect on me. I feel more like a little girl. I had bangs when I was a little kid. These take me back to that. Also they’re in my face/eyes constantly. And they’re making my forehead break out. Thus I feel more insecure. They’re easy to hide behind, too. So I do a lot of hiding.

People who see me probably think I listen to The Shins. They’re probably surprised that I’m not wearing flannel. I bought a flannel shirt yesterday. I felt like I had to. In 5th grade everyone had No Doubt’s Tragic Kingdom. It was like, “Welcome to 5th grade, here’s your copy of Tragic Kingdom.” This is no different. “Welcome to your bangs, here’s a flannel shirt, enjoy.”

Furthermore, I don’t think my hair dresser really listened to what kind of bangs I wanted. Although I brought in photos of Zooey D I find myself with a very distinct 60s haircut. The bangs are longer on the sides and kind of curve in. It’s like I’m wearing a Beatles wig with extensions. OK, it’s not that bad. I like the bangs. But they’re not the kind of bangs I was hoping for. Who would have thought that there were different types?

Oh I’m sorry. “Fringe” for all of you UK-ers. Yes, I think your term makes way more sense than ours. What in the sweet fuck is a bang? But a fringe, that’s actually something you can picture.

Maybe once they grow out I can get them re-cut to how I originally wanted. People can do that, right? Re-cut a fringe? Why doesn’t anyone understand me?

I have lots of vintage dresses but maybe I should buy more. I bought more striped shirts yesterday. That’s a start, right? I just want to be loved. I just want someone to tell me what to do and what to say and what to wear at all times. Can I pay someone to do that? To come over to my house and plan my outfits for a good 4 months ahead and tell me, “Oh you should absolutely say this at that party tomorrow” or “Honey, never tell this person this because they think this about you and this.” Oh gosh. Maybe I should just get a television in my room instead.

Devil’s Haircut — Beck
This Is Not A Test — She & Him
I Was Made For You — She & Him
You Make My Dreams — Hall & Oates