I write about my dating life. Sometimes you may even wonder, “Is this about me?” And I’ve been starting to wonder, “Are any of these guys I’ve written about actually reading this?”
So, indulge me. If we’ve ever:
— Been in a relationship
— Dated
— Been on a date
— Had sex
— Had any sort of sexual contact
— Made out
— Kissed
— Flirted
I want you to comment and let me know that you’re reading this. You don’t have to use your name. You can be anonymous. I would prefer if you used some sort of nickname that hints to me who you are. But do whatever you want.
This is an experiment that could go really well, or really poorly. Go for it.
slut slut slut
This comment was inevitable.
we’ve made out in my imagination…. @_@
Does that count?
Sure.
Remember that time when we did the you-know-what in the place behind the AQUARIUM. 😉
No, because this never happened. I haven’t been to an aquarium since I was a child.
Well, we’re sorta connected. 2 degrees of separation. Your mom hires me to watch Mick, Obo, Billie Jean and Footy Boy every now and then. 🙂
Oh yeah. Hi!
Hi there! Hope we get a chance to meet in person sometime. LOVE your mom! She’s the best! 🙂
You gave me a reach around at the republican convention.
Why didn’t you text me back???
Richard’s reading. Not your step-dad. The other one 🙂
Oh, hey! Cool!
I’ve had and have sex with you in my head. I’ve flirted with you here, but you were non-responsive. Actually, I’ve met you IRL for a very brief moment in NYC, but you just brushed me off. If your type is the hipster David Karp type, and those are the ones whom you’ve dated, kissed, fucked, then I doubt they’re reading this since they’ve already scored Almie. Fucking hipsters. The scour of this generation. Die hipster scums. Me so horny. Me love and masturbate you long time. Rose’s lips are red/Almie’s poontang is wet/my balls are blue for you.
I probably didn’t brush you off, I was probably just too shy. People are surprised that I’m really quiet and shy in person. And they think it’s me being a bitch.
I don’t want David Karp, I WANT MOOT/CHRISTOPHER POOLE.
does flirting awkwardly online count?
I guess that sort of barely counts.
Well hi.
Hi.
dont care just love your blog <333
In my humble (and possibly wrong) opinion, you’re starting to get too caught up in what guys (that you like) think about you. You’re awesome. I think they like you already. You don’t need to try to figure out whether they’re reading or not. It doesn’t matter. They already like you.
Oh no, I don’t want to know if they like me, and I don’t care if they do. I just want to know who’s reading. But I don’t think I’ll ever really know.
What Nat said. I remember you as someone who had a lot of interests beyond blogging and relationships. Wish you’d get back out into the broader world, but do what you have to do. (I fall into one of the categories listed above.)
Thanks, Anon. And thanks Nat! I like hearing your opinions.
If I were a man, this would be so much easier for me to get away with.
I think so too. Your prompt makes people jump to the conclusion that you’re the type of woman who needs male attention to feel good. If you were a guy, people would be all, “Oh he’s just conducting a census.”
Come on, people! She just wants to know who reads this!
Thanks!
Just want to say that I don’t fall in the above categories, but I like to read your blog.
Thank you!
I read a bunch of your posts in a quick burst and then felt sad because I didn’t know you in real life. And then I awkwardly replied to one of your tweets on Twitter. Sigh. Missed connections.
Aww! Well thank you and hi!
Most men…well women…well people suck in general..if everyone was awesome and every relationship was perfect then meeting the right person wouldn’t matter as much? That’s what I tell myself anyway as I snuggle my cat and laugh at my life. lol
YEAH!
Always reading your entries, love this blog! Also, yes to all the above, the search for a match goes on and on. I only attempt dating/relationships when it is thrown in my face so I probably need to try harder. But life is all consuming at times with or without the mens. keep it up, love the blog.
None of the above, I’m gay. I was looking for Max Landis interview, found you through association and stuck around because I relate to you, find you funny and like your style. Keep it GUUURL!!!
lol me too
Thank you!!
the one that got away…
!!??
I’ve never met/talked/done any of the above with you, but I just think you’re a GD badass, and wish we were best friends. You’re so awesome.
hey! I’ve no connection to but you’re awesome, oh and i hate it when you take pictures of yourself in the morning and are like i look like crap, when your clearly gorgeous! yeah, this by no means is me asking you to stop taking them,they’re smexy. btw i once tried picking up a chick by starting off with a “you’re fucking beautiful you know that?” she didn’t know how to respond and neither did i, i asked her out and i got dumped the next day, true story, i’m awesome. ok bye now.
Definitely haven’t met, and after reading that list; I’m in two minds on whether I want to. OHHH BURRRRRN. But seriously, dafuq?
Okay.
We definetely have never met, but I found you to be more inspired in the past.
I’m curious as to why you feel this way. Last month only 2 of my posts were about men/relationships/dating, and so far this month I’ve only done 1 on the subject, not including this post.
At this stage in your life, I imagine your love life is consumed by chemical and/or comedic attraction to funny guys who can’t be real or dark guys who inspire no light, dreaming of a guy with your depth, passion and ease who can deliver more than infatuation, emo hair and an erratic soul that you initially confuse with edginess or vulnerability. Just my two cents that’s not worth a nickel.
Just another girl who is none of the above but wanted to mention how great your blog is. I don’t check for updates by you regularly, but once every couple months I watch a video or check this blog and then get sucked into reading everything I missed and your articles on This is Recording (which are my favorite, by the way). Today happens to be just such a day.
I read your blog. I have not had sex with you but I want to.
Love, Jenny
I’m reading because I find you funny in that “she’s saying every cynical thing I think” kind of way. Also, you’re gorgeous and you did a fashion post from The Shining.
I’m a lady who relates to your posts and watches your videos when I need a break from staring at adventure trip schedules and environmental education write-ups.
That’s me, who reads your blog and thinks you’re crazy talented in all the right ways.
Or, I’m just a Russian bot who redirects readers to your site, botching your Google Analytics results.
I have a girlcrush on you. Does that count?
I too liked your earlier posts. Oh wait, that’s not what you asked?! Screw you I’m going to give you my opinion anyway! How dare you write a blog that isn’t about the things *I* want to read about!
That was all a joke, by the way. We’ve never had sex. I think the above shows I haven’t had sex in a while.
All of the above
personally, i get what you are doing here and i think it’s marvelous. i never judge you, Almie!
I have nothing for you, but I’ll tell you how I got here. First I typed dry drunk definition into google. The fourth result was this. voices.yahoo.com/how-tell-if-re-dry-drunk-598263.html
At the end of that story were some other yahoo searches and your webpage was a result of a how to tell if your a dry drunk search result from that webpage. Then, I clicked on your homepage, and fell into this blogpost.
So, sorry we did not do it, it’s crazy that I’m 43, not fugly but have not had sex in over 2.5 years, but you know, with feminism, losing my hair, and not being 18 anymore, and retirement being right around the corner… I’ve already spent a half life chasing women only to find out that, men and women don’t make all that great of friends anyways, while the solitude of a good book, warm blanket, good internet connection, home cooked meal combined, is better than sex. Hell, if I want endorphines or some norepinephrine I’ll just go get some antidepressants from my doctor, those things are like a constant orgasm. I used to think fast food was cool too, burgers, cokes, and maybe some acid, but it rips through my gut like poison, you can have it, I’ve got my grass fed buddies I can go visit anytime, and they taste way flipping better than prion burgers.