Disclaimer because this post will probably upset people: to the guys I’ve been out with on OKC lately, who are probably not even reading this, this doesn’t refer to you, so calm the fuck down, even though you pretend you don’t care, but you totally do, because all anyone wants is to be flattered, especially on the Internet. This post is about OKC and my experience with it in general, not the exceptions.
I am tired of doing this. I am tired of dating. Tired of OKCupid dating, mostly. I can’t. This is getting ridiculous. Guys, hot tip: if you don’t look like Chris Pine, do not use the photo that someone took of you on that one day where the lighting was just right and you looked, for once in your life, like Chris Pine for two seconds. Especially do not use it as your main profile photo. You have to let us know right away if you’re ugly. (And maybe you’re not actually ugly, maybe you’re just picking terrible photos that you think are flattering.) And here’s the thing, before you yell at me: I have very specific, crazy standards. Most of the guys I consider ugly are men that most people consider attractive. So don’t get angry with me, like I just sent you an email saying, “Hi, ______, I was just looking you up online and you are ugly.” No. And I’ve been called ugly. And I get it. I look like Mick Jagger. I get this. I have a weird face. Some people consider my weird face weird enough to somehow work and be beautiful. Other people see my face and think that nothing works and it’s a mess and that it’s ugly. And that’s fine. I don’t give a fuck.
Everyone tells me to change my standards. No. How about you stop being ugly? Why the fuck should I change my standards? If you don’t like my standards, then don’t date me. Find someone else who sees you and wants you for you who are. I like men who look like this. Or this. And this. I do not like men who look like this. Or this. And those last two men are men that lots of women think are insanely attractive. See? I’m not asking for Ryan Reynolds-Gosling. That isn’t my type. Do you get what I’m saying here?
Be thin. Yeah, sucks to conform to the same standards we’ve had to deal with for years, doesn’t it? Go fuck yourself. Be thin. Be creative. Be smart. Be able to play an instrument, even if it’s just barely. Be able to have an awesome conversation with me. Be kind. Be generous. And I don’t mean just with money. I mean with your time. With your patience.
Almost every time I meet a man who fits these standards, they either 1. live in New York, 2. Leave me for an ex, or 3. Both. I’ve tried long distance. If you’re worth it, I’ll do it. I visit New York a lot now that my dad lives there. But you give up on me. And I go back to OKCupid and try again. And I don’t find anyone I like, and if I do like them, they of course do not like me.
Or maybe, I hate you. Maybe you hate me. But if you’re hot, and we have heated arguments, and then hatefuck each other, I’m okay with that. Because at least there’s passion in hate.
If you want help with your OKCupid profile, I can help you. Because I really just want you to find someone who loves you as you are. I don’t want you to be an asshole like I am. I want you to be happy. I want to help you be happy. I won’t judge you. I will find the most attractive and awesome thing about you and amplify it times a thousand. And why? Because I am sick of these stupid, inane, misleading, diabolical online dating profiles. So help me help you.
apocalypstick
apocalypstick
apocalypstick
apocalypstick
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Epic post…I re-activated my OKCupid profile recently, as to just have another avenue out there to meet men. There hasn’t been one yet I’m interested enough to meet up with. The majority of them “choose” my profile (but don’t send me a message) or they just say “hi” and nothing else. I know that most of them are not reading my profile; just looking at the pictures. I need more than just “hi.” It’s only been 2-3 weeks and I’m already tired of it. Blah.
Damn, a girl needs more than “hi.”
Preach on.
My problem with online dating so far has been the large influx of “good ol’ country boys” in my area. I’m guessing it’s because I live in a city in a southern state that’s surrounded with a lot of rural counties, but come on now. I’m glad you like to go “huntin” and listen to Alan Jackson, but those are not even close to the ways I like to spend my time.
People tell me to stop being so picky also, but isn’t that the point? Why date someone who you’re either a) not that attracted to or b) who you don’t share a lot of common interests with. This is my dating life (recently “lack of dating life” I guess), and damn it I want to be picky!
Ugh, I had this problem too! I just chalked it up to being in the Midwest.
And by all means: BE PICKY. If there is ever a time to be picky, it is for something like this.
My OKC profile is a lively experiment in disruption and provocation. And so fucking weird, I call it a work of art. The intent is to see if someone would actually respond to what they’ve been shown, or would they just walk away.
being thin hasn’t really been a a necessity for me at all, but, to each their own. I have some nightmares stories from OKC – legitimate stalkers, and some other craziness. The crazy stories I have as a result of online dating seem to only come out of online dating. It’s not for everyone, and I don’t know anyone, personally, who has had success with it. In Austin, it tends to be a place to just get laid quick and easy.
And you are beautiful, whether you care to hear that or not.
Hit me up when you find yourself suddenly attracted to Zach Galifianakis.
d
You sound like a horrid, silly, entitled girl. I’m sure you are quite disappointing to many of the men you meet also….partly because of your face but mostly because of your snide, bitchy personality. Good luck on being loved…I doubt you even know how to to it.
And, we have our first OKC member that didn’t get a second date with Almie.
Hahahahaha!
I feel badly for you, this comment is really embarrassing.
and you go on other people’s blogs and insult them. No bitchy in your personality.
As a straight guy who earnestly gave Internet dating a shot for roughly a year, I can report back that it was a clusterf***. The web platform allows people to be vague, deceptive, flaky, and sometimes oddly aggressive. Women I’ve dated (or have shown interest in dating me) have appeared via tried-and-true avenues: parties, friends of friends, schoolmates.
I credit Almie with putting herself out there and reporting back and yeah – if I find myself 37, single, and in the fetal position cradling a bottle of whiskey, I’ll consider giving it another shot. But in the meantime, I’m good.
It’s scary out there.
Wait that second picture is daniel craig, where did gosling come from??
And honestly what’s the point of not being picky? Why should one settle for anything when the possibility to find exactly what you’re looking for is out there. Maybe that’s too idealistic, but oh well…
I just really hate Daniel Craig, and I think Ryan Gosling is so boring that he didn’t even deserve a photo on here, but here you go: http://bit.ly/ScLfVV
He always looks to me like a douchbag farmer. In a suit, in this case.
You have verbalized my feelings on Ryan Gosling more beautifully and succinctly than I ever could.
Thank you!! I’m glad someone else gets it and appreciates the poetry.
Being picky is important when it comes to OKC. I pretty much have nearly the same taste in men as you do but those type of guys never messaged me on Okc…I don’t think I’m twee enough for them.
There was a guy named “honeybeardds” who I messaged once and he looked like he listened to neutral milk hotel and read books all day in his little scarf and john lennon hat. I got all giddy and messaged him and of course…crickets.
I also went on a date with a guy who loved the beatles so much he went by the name
“jude” and had the voice of an angel (complete with the paul mcCartney head bobhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DsONrnX-VyM ). He lived out of his van and played tiny instruments. So..of course on our date he told me he was in the process of already seeing someone.
in a nutshell I hate okcupid.
Almie, a friendly observation: most of the men that nowadays desperately want to look like Jervis Cocker or Paul McCartney or David Bowie…well, they’re the most inconsistent and selfish human beings around (even more conceited and self absorbed than the Ryan Goslings-alike-mannequins). I know, they look so sensitive under that little skin they have, yet they’re evil womanizers. Now, I’m not saying that’s a universal truth, but it’s really pretty common. I’m sure you’ve experience it yourself.
By the way, I really appreciate all of you joining in this discussion. Most of you have been insightful and have not stooped to name calling or insults. And I think that’s really how one makes the strongest argument. “Boom, bitches.” — Abraham Lincoln.
All online sites turn users into extra-picky and superficial boyfriend/girlfriend shoppers. I’ve shopped on and off for a decade and have met some wonderful people… many of whom I never cared to meet again, but a few I still hang out with on a semi-regular basis. It’s hard to specify what you’re looking for without hurting the people who don’t fit the bill, but I think if you truly know what you are and aren’t attracted to (and attraction is HUGE), you should put it out there.
Telling people to “lower their standards” is complete crap. I think a lot of people need to up their standards. Are you suppose to settle? I also don’t understand people who lie on their profile. Oh pictures from 5 years ago when you were thin? You think I’m not going to notice you gained a ton of weight when I meet you?
OKC is rough but also good for a laugh. I like to make a drinking game out of it. Whenever someone’s profile has u instead of you. Drink.
“What are you good at?” “Sex” –> CHUG WHATEVER YOU’RE HOLDING
YES. I like how we’re adding to this drinking game.
All right. Let me tell you stories. I tried Match.com and gave up because, well, I was PAYING for the experience of All Of The Awfulness. No thank you. I ended up on OKC by accident because I made an account on an affiliate site and BOOM suddenly I had an account and went, hey, what the hell.
For the most part, I was pleasantly surprised. I expected EXACTLY what you got, but I had a big ol’ “assholes need not apply” bit in my profile and apparently people actually read it. I’m guessing it’s because I was kind of fat and so the guys looking at my profile were actually interested in my personality. (I kid, I kid.) (Sorta.) Minus the one illiterate meathead who, upon rejection, called me a “big girl” (ie: fat) (PS, if you like, I can send you this conversation sometime, it’s ridiculous, I emailed it to some people so I still have it), but for the most part, it was friendly guys who I would not have minded being friends with, even if I wasn’t particularly attracted/interested. Last year I met a guy and we dated for a bit but it fell apart BUT we actually still talk on occasion – one of the few people I’ve dated and been able to be friends with. This past February I met the guy I am still currently dating who was in the exact same position I was in — the middle of bumfuck nowhere Midwest and surrounded by people who were already married or taken. Or still in college. So it’s not completely awful.
THAT said… all of the reasons online dating sucks, are all of the reasons online dating sucks FOR A REASON. The douche guys who try to solicit hookups even though in real life they’d never (hopefully) walk up to you in a bar and be all “hey let’s fuck”. MANNERS. It’s the same anonymity that lets people troll websites and leave asshole comments because there is no repercussion.
Also, people lie and mislead and it’s easy to pretend to be something you’re not. Which isn’t going to fly so much when you actually meet someone and they realize you were a BIG FAT LIAR. I mean, sure, I picked out the most flattering pictures of myself that I could, but they were at least recent, and I thought they were reasonably accurate.
Also, also, also, I can’t remember if it was this post or the one you linked to and I’m too lazy to scroll up, the thing about apologizing for rejecting someone even though you have every right ? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS, I mean, I know exactly what you mean, I felt SO guilt-ridden every time I had to be all “thanks but no thanks”… I mean, the hell. Why did I feel bad? Why did I care about hurting their feelings? I didn’t know them, and that’s kind of the way the game is played. You can’t date everyone (well, you could, I suppose, but that seems tricky). Someone has to get turned down. AND YET it was such a big ordeal. I don’t even know.
And, yeah. Why should you lower your standards? Why not be picky? Why should you have to settle because someone else said so? That’s the dumbest thing ever. I hope you hold out for your skinny British boyfriend. If I had an spare skinny British guy lying about I would totally send him to you stat.
I want to echo so many of the things everyone has already said, but they’ve been said, so it would be redundant. Dating is awful. If I get dumped I’m just going to buy another cat and be alone forever and be damn happy about it because: no. No, no, no. Trying to find someone is AWFUL. Maybe there were something to be said for our grandparents generation, when they all married the first person they could find because there was a chance that everyone could die in the war and everything seemed more urgent. My grandma knew my grandpa for like, a week, before she agreed to DUMP HER CURRENT FIANCE AND MARRY HIM. Then they were married for fifty years and had seven kids. So. Y’know. Modern life is hard. Or something.
I had a point once, but I lost it.
Aaaand if you’ll excuse me, my cat is horking up a hairball. Gotta go.
Who are all of these guys that live in New York? I’m taken, but I have single friends who have a ridiculous time meeting someone decent. Maybe there needs to be a “Match Swapping” website where you can tell people about great guys that don’t live in your area and they can share their guys who don’t live near them, but live near you. If that ever becomes a component of OKC or its own website, I’m stating now I want a 50% cut.
There’s actually a funny story. Well, I am bisexual and I reallywould like to date with girls too but it’s hard to find nice person. People says that lesbians doesn’t care about themselves,they don’t shave, are fat or thing like that haha… but as I am watching profiles – I can see it’s totally nosense. All of the girls I met are active, attractive and I… I just really like girls who aren’t really perfect. I want to spend time with my girlfriend by watching tv series in our pyjamas while eating a lot of bad for health food. And there’s no person I could dothat with. There’s a lot of girls that people find out attractive, but I just want some lazy, but very funny girl. I met one girl like that, but well, she’s almost 10 years older than me
I randomly stumbled across your blog and I thought I’d comment. I’ve done a lot of OKC dating here in LA and if there’s one thing I’ve noticed it’s that eeeveryone has a type and nobody should be pissed if the other person doesn’t find you attractive. I’m a thin musician type and some girls are just NOT into that, they’re looking for the ripped movie star type and that’s fine! I don’t take it personally if you never want to speak to me again after one date. I totally agree with you on that, you can’t be expected to change your standards or likes!
I do know what Kelly up there means, it suuuucks rejecting people even online. I hate hurting feelings, but there’s certainly no need to apologize! I do think it’s good to be tactful about the whole thing though. I’ve always been extremely nice to anybody I dated who I had to break it off with. There’s nooo reason to be mean or brutally honest after a date or two. I think some girls take internet dating as license to leave crushed and mangled men in their wake because why not, there are hundreds more lining up to take this poor dude’s place.
Oh hey, I wrote a Tumblr post recently about why I deleted my OkCupid profile. Honestly being on that website was just SO AWFUL. It’s true that my city (a medium-sized city in the upper midwest) seems to have exceptionally slim pickings, but I’ve just had so many bad experiences through that site that I have to believe it’s Bad News Bears, even for someone like me who has a serious history of romantic misadventures.
http://talktostrangers.tumblr.com/post/32946543816/these-are-my-personality-traits-compared-to-the
Seriously.
This literally made me want to hatefuck you. Just say when and I’m there!
Only if you’re skinny and hot.
I…I love you.
This is hilarious. I have done Match.com and have had very similar experiences. The thing is they NEVER look like their picture. Also, I have come to realize that most of the guys on their are there for one of two reasons. 1) They want sex 2) They desperately need to find a girlfriend because they cant stand being alone. Although this is 100 % a double standard I dont want to be a quick fuck and I also dont want a clingon. I need a nice normal boy who understands that I am clingy as hell and afraid to be alone. Is that asking to much?
“Everyone tells me to change my standards. No. How about you stop being ugly?”
This sentence made me laugh so hard I almost spit up my coffee.
I’m going to be trying online dating for this first time this month and I’ve already devised my motto:
“Keep your head, heels and standards high”
(and maybe hair too.)
After reading your blog and all these comments, I remember why I gave up on online dating. I tried it a few times, but I gave up after realizing what most of the women on these sites are like. They get a ton of msgs, they get real snooty, and in the end as a guy all your doing is wasting your time. Your sending tons of msgs w/ the expectations that maybe these girls will respond to your msg among the deluge of responses they get.
It takes way too much effort. Why should a decent guy put himself through all that.
Maybe if I were just looking for sex.
I find a woman’s perspective on OKC to be interesting. There’s a lot of griping about the lack of good guys. I know I’m not the first “good guy” jumping up and down waving his arms seeking attention on the OKC website. I have a master’s degree and a steady job at a major university. I’m intelligent and my profile has excellent grammar and no spelling mistakes. I do volunteer work at a local animal shelter and one of my pics is of me with a shelter dog. I’m not looking for one night stands or a notch in my belt. I’m not super attractive but I’m not ugly; not perfectly fit but reasonably so. I don’t send out messages to women with “Wassup?”or “Wanna fuck?” I write real messages that show that I have actually read the woman’s profile and have looked for similarities. But I can’t get a response to save my life. Not even a “Thanks but no thanks.”
This is probably a often-heard gripe but I just don’t get it. Are the women just biding their time until that GQ model sends them a message? Would they rather be used and kicked to the curb by some handome jerk?
Carlos might have the right idea… Why put myself through this sort of thing?
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