WORST DATES EVER.

finger monster toyphoto by me.

I asked you for your best dates, now I have your worst. I made the list a lot shorter this time, because I want you to add your own worst date story in the comments! So tell me: what’s your worst date? I posted some here that really tickled my fancy:

“He said he hadn’t showered in a week and wore a Blockbuster uniform. He worked there over 3 years before and this shirt was still in his wardrobe. Clearly he did not care about me or this date. I told him to drive me home.” — Anon

“I met him on OKCupid, and he seemed normal enough. We decided to meet for coffee at the cafe where I work. Ten minutes in, he tells me that he recently bought a fleshlight and his parents are afraid he doesn’t respect women.” — Sarah.

 “I brought a girl home to meet my parents at Thanksgiving. She wore an all-red outfit, including elbow length red gloves and bright red lipstick, drank too many whiskey sours, then hit on my father in front of my entire family.” — Anon.

“Accidental date with this dude. It was so awful and pathetic that I 911’d the BFF. She showed up at the restaurant having a full blown anxiety attack over getting TAN HANDS from the spray-tan booth. She also ate the rest of his food. Best ending to worst date ever.” — “camahaffey”

These made me giggle stupendously. Your turn!

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63 thoughts on “WORST DATES EVER.

  1. Lillian

    He arrived 20 minutes late to our date, then didn’t have any cash so I had to pay our cover to get into the bar. After that he spent 20 minutes saying appalling rude things about the Alzheimer’s patients he cared for as a nurse. After I told him my grandfather had Alzheimer’s, we sat in silence for 10 minutes. I gathered up my jacket and purse, told him I was going to the bathroom and left out the back door, but not before charging another drink to his tab!

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      I’ve never been a fan of ducking out of a date but this seems just. Did he ever contact you again?

      1. Lillian

        No, I’m guessing he got the hint. Plus going to the bathroom with your jacket and purse isnt exactly sly. I started to feel bad later that night, wondering how long he waited there after I left, but then I remembered that he was a total shitbag and felt awesome.

  2. Jericha

    I was set up on a blind date. The guy seemed nice until we were driving back to my place after dinner. Out of nowhere he asked me if I took it up the butt and if I wanted to see his penis. I yelled umm, NO and tried to remain calm because I had no idea what his next move would be. I mean that really freaked me out! I wanted to jump out of the car but we were on the freeway so that was impossible, haha! Needless to say I never spoke to him again. I mean who asks that on a first date?!

  3. Venassa

    Mine was with a guy who was normal enough, but then at the end of the date he awkwardly asked to kiss me, then proceeded to drench my face from my nose to my chin with his spit. There would be no second kiss or second date.

  4. Jericha

    He was a coworker. It wasn’t the best date either. He talked with his mouth full and food would come flying at me during dinner. Not the best date ever! What is one of your worst dates ever?

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      I thankfully haven’t had any catastrophic dates but I’ve had my share of guys who just wanted to use me, and the date was a set up for that. You know?

      1. Jericha

        Oh I know what you mean! It’s hard to date, at least I think it is. I don’t have much luck with the guys. I don’t even know where to meet guys nowadays. I’ve been single for a year now but I wanted the time off. I was in the worst relationship ever for 3 years and I needed some time for me, you know? I’m rambling, sorry.

    2. Almie Rose Post author

      Oh wait no, actually my worst date was when the guy peed on a tree. How could I forget.

  5. A

    first date was fine. for the second date, he invited me over to his place to have dinner. “dinner” consisted of a plate of arugula. literally. i was like, “um, i think this is missing a few ingredients,” to which he responded, “oh, i have some parmesan.” he also brought out a large bowl of some unidentified, cold, mushy soup, which i think was cauliflower based. it was inedible. when i mentioned i was still hungry, he brought out a loaf of bread that was so hard it appeared to be petrified.

    after that debacle, i decided the only recourse was to drink. i had 3 glasses of wine and waited for him to make a move, since after all, what he lacked in cooking skills, he made up for in good looks. 3 hours later, and he had still not made his move. so i abruptly got up and announced i was leaving. he seemed shocked, and gave me an awkward hug goodbye. he didn’t even offer to walk me to my car, which was parked about 4 blocks away from his apartment, in a super sketchy part of SF.

    now every time i eat arugula, i think of that asshole.

  6. Brittany

    I met a guy to see Drive a few weeks ago, which I was super excited to see. I got there early and saved us a good seat (“front-middle,” he commanded). He showed up 20 minutes late and texted me that he had just gotten there but forgot his wallet so I had to come out and pay for him. He spent the whole movie snorting at every line and talking loudly and nudging me during the gory scenes. And the worst part is, I didn’t get to focus on Ryan Gosling for 2 hours, which is all I really wanted in the first place.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      ew. What a jerk. What irks me the most is that he showed up 20 minutes late to a movie. Oh and then there’s the whole texting you b/c he needed money. Jeez.

  7. Tony Archer

    During the course of our first date, she decided that she wasn’t going to kiss me on the first date. Not because she didn’t like me or because she had a problem with kissing everything in sight or anything of that nature, but just because she thought that that seemed like the sort of thing that cool girls on television would do and she was pretty convinced that her life was like television. When we went back to her place, the very first thing she did was introduced me to all 150 (I’m actually probably underselling this number) stuffed animals on her bed. As in, she told me each of their individual names and wouldn’t move on the next one until I acted like it was a fucking person and said “Hi, Shmoopy (yes, this was a real name)” or whatever their name was to each individual animal.
    But she was really hot and I wanted to have sex with her. And I did on the second date. Take THAT “I randomly decided for no good reason that I won’t kiss you on the first date” girl!

    Oh, and this is the same girl/date as the Trident Strawberry Breeze petition. It’s amazing how we’re willing to overlook the fact that someone is completely batshit because they have an awesome rack and you want to have the sex with them.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      This reminds me of the episode of “Sex and the City” (and what DOESN’T?!) when Stanford goes home to his date’s apartment and there are a boatload of dolls on his bed, and he introduces Stanford to each one. “This is Kiki — SHE’S FRONCH!” So creepy.

      1. Tony Archer

        Oh it was creepy as hell and I’m relatively certain she became a serial killer later but… she had a REALLY nice rack.

  8. Jenn

    Sometimes you go out with a guy you’re not super attracted to, but you wanna give them the benefit of the doubt because you think you might end up missing out on a super-nice guy if you’re simply basing things on looks. Never. Do. This. You are not attracted to this fellow for a reason. Follow your instincts. I made this mistake once, when I was une petite fille, by going out with this guy from my French class. His ex-girlfriend was sort of talking to my ex-boyfriend, so naturally he was into me. He picked me up wearing a muscle shirt with cap sleeves that were so short his armpit hair was hanging out. And also, he had a booger hanging out of his nose. (I am already not attracted to you. This is not helping.) Then we proceeded to drive around, and sit in traffic, for 3 hours because he got lost trying to take me to Speed Zone (that’s a go kart place, ya’ll). The only cd he had to listen to had 4 songs on it, all techno, and one of them only sampled that crazy song from Tetris. Did I mention that was 3 hours of the date? And I hate that Tetris song! Awkwaaaard. So, in lieu of giving up on our date, he took me to a 50s themed Mexican restaurant, which is not as cool as it sounds. I think the waiter talked to me more than my date. We then proceeded to see David Spade’s ultimate, greatest movie of all time, Joe Dirt, where my date insisted we sit in the back row. You know what the back row is for, right?? Thankfully, he didn’t try to show me any French he knew. He didn’t even try to hold my hand! What a relief! But now I’m offended. Geez.. is this date over yet? Now he wants to take me to get ice cream?! That’s where I drew the line. He picked me up at 3pm and it was now 10pm… that date was a full time job I didn’t even get paid for. (the free meal almost made up for the hours upon hours of Tetris sounds) Needless to say, no second date. And I went back to ignoring him in French class. I knew that guy wasn’t my type from the start, now I had a crappy, awkward date and a totally wasted Saturday under my belt to validate my instincts. But hey, at least I gave the guy a chance, right?

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      “Sometimes you go out with a guy you’re not super attracted to, but you wanna give them the benefit of the doubt because you think you might end up missing out on a super-nice guy if you’re simply basing things on looks. Never. Do. This. You are not attracted to this fellow for a reason.” THIS. THIS IS SO TRUE. I hope anyone reading this learns from your lesson. So, so true.

      You don’t have to give ANYONE a chance! That is a myth designed to make girls feel bad about themselves.

      lol joe dirt. and the 4 tetris songs, i’m dying.

  9. Lucianus

    My worst date was with this guy I took to a nice Italian restaurant. During our meal I asked what kind of men he was into, and he told me everything that was exactly the opposite of me. On top of that he told me he still had the hots for a guy who did fit his “ideal” men profile he’d just given me. I wanted to throw the stake knife at him, but didn’t.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      Oh god, that is just classic jerk behavior! How did the rest of the date go? I mean I can probably figure it out, but did you ever call him out or wind up leaving early?

  10. Siberian Steaks

    When I was 15 I had my first date, a blind date, with my friend’s cousin from NorCal. He was 16 with a car and preppy/handsome. It was a triple date, the girls were dropped off by a mom, all that. Once meeting him, he made a racist remark about the movie theater. He spent his most of his energy talking to another girl. We saw The Matrix (ugh), and hung out at the mall until it closed. We girls were waiting for a mom to pick us up near some hooligans of earlier said race. They overheard, got up in our dates’ faces. Then their backup came with a knife! We decided to book it to his car and ditch our mom. I got grounded and couldn’t date for a year.

  11. Alison

    After leaving secret admirer notes for me (sounds cute but in real life it’s kind of creepy..) he showed up with no plan, and no car. So we walked 3+ miles to get dinner, ran out of things to say halfway through the meal, and walked home in silence. Then he kissed me, abruptly shoving his tongue in my mouth, and telling me I was ‘so awkward’ when I pulled away. Needless to say, we didn’t really hang out much after that.

  12. Jackie

    I met this guy at a bar (mistake #1) and agreed to give him my phone number after a good half hour of decent conversation. We decided to meet for a drink about a week later at the same bar…and he was dressed as a zombie. I KID YOU NOT. A zombie. Did I mention it wasn’t Halloween? It was July. JULY. When I questioned him about said costume, his reply was, “I mean I figured, why not?” Okay. Alright. I really tried to be understanding (mistake #2), so I stayed and had a couple drinks with him. He walked me home without trying to kiss me goodbye, which I was thankful for especially because his green zombie make-up was starting to melt. He called me the next day and asked if I’d meet him for coffee in the lobby of my apartment building. Yes, he had driven to my place of residence and was waiting downstairs for me. Without notice. So. Effing. Creepy. I go downstairs (mistake #3) to the coffee shop I hate, which I had also told him previously, and he proceeds to yell about how the coffee “really isn’t as bad as you made it sound!” with the proprietor standing 10 feet away from us. I told Zombie Boy never to call me again and thankfully, that was the end of it.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA HE DRESSED AS A ZOMBIE WTF. I kind of love this guy. Except the showing up at your place is creepy.

  13. Skylar

    My friend set me up on a blind date because she wanted to get with this guy, so i was her wing man. I met him, and he was ok to start with. But the WHOLE night after the introductions, he avoided me. We were playing ping pong and were on the same team, and we won, awesome bonding right?! wrong, i went for a high five and he ignored my high five..win number one. Then we all decided we were bored, so it was time to go in the pool. And dang it, now i was on a mission just to try to get this guys attention so i was trying to look cute (i wasnt into him, it was just a personal challenge). So, we in the pool, and my mission is to let my friend and her date have some time alone, but this kid wouldnt leave his buddy! Im blonde, not to terribly overweight, and i have humor! stereotypically i should be ideal to hit on right? well, all hope was lost so i sat in the shallow end of the pool and can honestly say that i do not remember the rest of the night from cause of boredom. and after that i avoided him every time.

  14. Seymour

    There was a bartender that worked at a bar I frequented who always told me how cute I was. One night, after I’d had a bunch of drinks at said bar, he asked me out on a date. Being intoxicated, I used drunk logic to deduce that if I turned him down I’d never be able to show my face there again. Bad call.

    I met up with him and then we ran into a friend of his that had just broken up with her boyfriend, so he invited her along too. We had a few beers at one bar (which he didn’t even pay for) and then headed back to THE BAR HE WORKED AT (he paid for my beer there!). During the course of the date, I found out that he
    a) owned guns
    b) had no issue with beating people up for “wronging him”
    c) was into really rough sex (I was a virgin at the time)
    AND
    d) was SIXTEEN YEARS OLDER THAN ME. SIXTEEN YEARS. I HAD JUST FINISHED MY FIRST YEAR OF UNIVERSITY. HE WAS A THIRTY-FIVE-YEAR-OLD BARTENDER AND MUAY THAI INSTRUCTOR. GROSS!

    I still let him kiss me (free beer does bad things to a girl), and then he said we should “do this again sometime.” I eventually told him I should go soon but that I was just going to take a final bathroom break. While I was in the bathroom HE JUST LEFT. He didn’t even bother to walk me home or even say goodbye.

    I started dating a really sweet guy fairly soon after said date, however, and went back there a bunch of times with him, mostly to see bands play, but also to see stupid old bartender’s sheepish face whenever he saw us together. Asshole.

  15. Mary

    I went on a date with a guy that I met online. I was trying to get over a guy who had broken my heart and met this guy who seemed cute, interesting and funny. We met at a coffee shop two hours from where I live (my choice, I wanted to stop into a store nearby before meeting up with him.) When he got there he was not nearly as cute as his picture but oh well, he was still supposed to be interesting. He talked the entire time and said these words literally “Every time something good happens in my life it blows up in my face” and “my ex and I bought a cat to fill the emotional void in our relationship and two months later the cat died.” He also told me about being bullied in high school and feeling like he was abnormal. At the end of the date he hugged me goodbye and said he had fun and hoped we could do it again. I was actually confused about whether he had been on the same date that I had been on. He was not cute, interesting or fun and it was the longest date ever since he insisted on walking me back home!

  16. sarah

    I had a date with a guy who looked nothing like his okc profile pictures who went and bought his own coffee and moaned about his mother between texting his ex.

    We actually did have quite a few dates, he stood me up for one because he got arrested for fighting with the same ex….

    ….yeah….after a lot of aggressive, abusive behaviour and an STI, I might actually leave him

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      I think that’s a good choice.
      LOL WHO BRINGS THEIR OWN COFFEE? I mean that’s not the biggest issue in this story but it really sticks out to me.

  17. Tony Archer

    OH!
    I totally forgot about this one! I once went on a date with a girl I had met on Craigslist who was really cute seemed really sweet and normal and everything seemed to be going great. Then, over dinner, in the course of the typical “getting to know you” questions, I asked her what her favorite movie was and she said without hesitation “Street Fighter”. And I was like “Oh, cool. The Street Fighter with Sonny Chiba! I love old kung fu movies!” then, as fast as my heart soared, it came crashing to the ground. “No, that movie sucks. I like the one with Jean Claude Van Damme.” The movie based on the video game. The movie based on the video game starring Jean-Claude Van Damme and Kylie Minogue. The movie based on the video game that was unfortunately Raul Julia’s last film. THAT movie. She loved this movie more than ANY other movie in the history of film and she did so without an ounce of sarcasm or irony in her heart. RED FLAG NUMBER ONE.

    But hey, I like a lot of movies that a lot of people look at me like I’m crazy for loving so much ( JosieandthePussycatsisthebestmovieever!), so I gave her a pass on that one. I figured I’d even go back to her place and we could watch the movie and maybe I would see something that I hadn’t seen in it before. So, she jumps me with the tongue-kissing and we start making out and fooling around and she wants to fuck but I didn’t have any condoms on me so I declined. She started pouting and asked me to go buy some. I declined, because while I found her attractive the situation didn’t feel right and if I happened to not have condoms on me (which I usually do), then I figured it was a sign.
    Pouting. Legitimately POUTING. RED FLAG NUMBER TWO.

    So, out of curiosity, I asked if she slept with guys on the first date often. She said she did it a LOT. I attempted to give her the benefit of the doubt and asked if that was a long time ago or if it was a phase or anything that could possibly ease my mind away from thinking that the number of peni she’d had inside of her was in the triple or quadruple digits. She said no, she does it all the time. I asked when the last time was that this had occurred, she told me three times that week. It was Wednesday. So she had met and slept with three guys in successive days prior to meeting me and then wanted me to sleep with her too. I could not run to the free clinic fast enough. (Thank the gods I’m still 100% clean as a whistle)

    As if that wasn’t enough, she then broke down into hysterical crying asking me why I didn’t want to be her boyfriend anymore. Um…what? What’s this “anymore” nonsense? Did I mention wanting to be her boyfriend and I had forgotten? So I replayed the evening in my head: Dinner, crazy, Street Figher, Crazy, blowjob, CRAZY, pouting, CRRRRRRAZY, I’ve slept with three other dudes this week alone, Uber Cray Cray. Nope, didn’t mention wanting to be her boyfriend anywhere in there. So I politely excused myself and thanked her for the blowjob (hey, manners cost nothing), and left.
    She still calls me and wants to go out. I guess things didn’t work out with the other three (or six?) guys from that week.

  18. Andrea

    First date this guy took me to his church for a Sunday service. We sat for 90 minutes next to each other in silence. Christian equivalent to seeing a movie on a first date?

    After lunch, where he said that I looked like my brother, but in a good way!, and made a “That’s What She Said” joke, we went to Target to spend his birthday gift card. His search included a plastic ice cooler and some lavender scented oil for his apartment (I suggested fresh laundry as a preferable scent, and he thought about for it for a second before saying, “Yeah, no.”). We passed through the candy aisle and he told me to pick something out as his treat. He then texted his friend for the rest of the Target trip.

    The offer to go ice skating with him the next weekend was turned down.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      this is the weirdest date I have ever heard of and I’m actually laughing, oh God, the church date and the lavender oil WHAT ahahaa

  19. CJ

    I know I’m late to the party!

    A few years ago, I was showing my graphic design work during portfolio night at school. At the end of the night, a cute fella came up to my booth. I had noticed him when he looked at my stuff earlier in the evening, and later found out he had graduated a year before. He said he thought I was cute, and wanted to know if he could call me sometime. Normally I’d have been too scared to even consider an offer from a stranger, but not this time! A cute, awkward, graphic designer wants to go out on a date? Oh, my my. Oh, hell, yes! Plus, I was doubly excited because I’d seen his design work before and thought it was great.

    A couple weeks later, we went to a little coffee shop near my house. After we walked in, he commented about the yellow paint on the walls: “They say that yellow makes you horny.” He said this at least three times. I half-considered running back home, but I thought I’d give it a chance. At least I’d get to know an interesting person. Maybe we’d exchange design ideas, critique former instructors, etc. The conversation went great until he told me a story about the time he stole someone’s bass guitar. He blurted, “I’m a klepto…. Oh, God, I can’t believe I just told you that.” He never called me again.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      It is IMPOSSIBLE to be late to an Apocalypstick party.

      Somewhere out there someone is looking for a horny graphic designing kleptomaniac. And then maybe this guy.

  20. Allie

    I was in high school and my boyfriend lived 30 minutes away. He didn’t have a car, so I would have to borrow my grandmother’s car to get there. I drove all the way there for our Friday night date. He got in the car, and before we even left his driveway he said that it was over. Then he said that we could still go out to dinner if I wanted.

    Also, this happened conveniently right before Christmas.

  21. Me

    From the video : bad socks. Could be bad for date too.
    From France (supposed to be the most elegant country, not true by the way)

  22. Anonymous

    can’t decide between:

    the time i was taken on an entirely pathetic tour of portland by a guy who had literally moved there a month earlier despite my constant efforts to relay to him the fact that i grew up right across the river in vancouver AND I ALREADY KNOW ALL THIS SHIT THANKS. the lowest point was when we were walking through a park and he threw his arms around a tree exclaiming “oh god, they’re going to chop down this tree tomorrow, oh god!!” and i looked over at the sign he thought he was getting his info from and read that this area of the park was actually just reserved for ‘Laurie Party of 15’. i called my friend to come get me and i literally hid behind a dumpster behind my work until she came to get me.

    -or-

    the guy from Tennessee who asked me out while shopping at the store i worked in- i went to his hotel room later that night (bad decision on my part) and when we started fooling around i was like “i can’t have sex with you. there’s no condom” and he responded with “oh that’s alright, i don’t mind”. UMMM. the next day i found a lengthy overly-romanticized and delusional love letter waiting for me on myspace (how did he find me??).

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      the first one is flat out hilarious. from the tour that makes no sense to the fear of the tree being cut down and finally the amazing finale with hiding behind a dumpster — it’s all gold. did he try to contact you after this?

  23. Luda

    I met a blind date at a nearby bar and he proceeded to tell me the life story of each and every one of his acquaintances. I don’t think I got a single word in the entire time, so I focused mostly on drinking my beer(s). I got drunk. At the end of the seemingly-endless night, he asked if I wanted to accompany him to a party. I said no thanks, and we both walked out to the parking lot to our respective cars and said goodbye. I got into my car, waited for him to pull out of the parking lot, and then walked back into the bar and kept drinking by myself.

    The end.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      “I got into my car, waited for him to pull out of the parking lot, and then walked back into the bar and kept drinking by myself.”

      …love you.

  24. Katie

    He wore cowboy boots, said the word labia maybe 100 times, and then asked me where I (in his words) “drop a deuce” at work. And ended the night saying he thought I was slightly immature.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      WHAHAYAHASHA

      Was there something in the conversation that lead up to his…uh…interesting question? Not that there’s probably anything that would come up in normal conversation relating to that…

      1. Anonymous

        Literally, nothing. After explaining to me his theory that women with camel toes were actually trying to show off their vags to men (there’s obviously no way that their pants just dont fit), hence the repeated use of the word LABIA, he then dropped the question that every girl wants to hear on a first date. Like, what a conversationalist.

  25. Almie Rose Post author

    Did anyone else think that the Blockbuster uniform story was maybe the funniest thing ever? My apologies to the poor person who had to put up with that, but on the bright side, you gave us such lolz.

  26. d

    “I met him on OKCupid, and he seemed normal”

    I had to stop reading and taking her seriously right there.

  27. courtney

    he brought his own bag of pre popped microwave popcorn to the movies and paid in singles and CHANGE for his ticket. no lie.

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