Is cable dead?

Mar

2012

This concerns my cat.

Soon I am moving out, presuming that I find a place, which I kind of have to presume, and I’ve been wondering if I should bother to get cable. Here is why I have cable:

— I love television.

— I love AMC and HBO.

— Dr. Phil. Sometimes Dr. Oz.

— And really, this all comes down to having the DVR. I need to be able to record all my shows and watch them whenever I want.

I have a Wii on which I can stream Netflix and that’s it. And yes I have my computer to watch things from Hulu and…other places, but I don’t want to watch TV on my computer. I work on a computer all day. I am internet. I want to watch TV on a TV.

There’s this thing called Roku that I’m wondering if I should get.

Can someone help me out? For those of you who don’t have cable, how do you:

— Watch Mad Men and The Walking Dead? And shows that aren’t available on Netflix or Hulu or the show’s site?

— Watch a daily daytime show like The Today Show or Dr. Oz or Dr. Phil? And just do me a favor and pretend that you watch Dr. Phil. And yes I already googled “watch Dr. Phil online” and I can’t find anything reliable. Am I supposed to use a VCR? Isn’t that a gigantic step backwards?

— Why does my back itch and what are these red bumps on it?

I guess I could get HBO 2 Go or whatever boy band it’s called but what about AMC? Am I supposed to wait until the entire season of Mad Men comes out on Netflix, or until the episode is available online the next week? I can’t wait a week, I work in social media, the spoiler alerts, the goggles, they do nothing.

So what do you do? Do you think cable is dead? Also if you’re one of those people who says, “I don’t watch TV” I just want to let you know that you are missing out on everything ever.

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Smell ya later!

Mar

2012

Trustworthy, honorable, sober, etc.

A few days ago, Max Landis shared something gross and fascinating with me. Naturally. He brought to my attention something I wasn’t aware existed and would probably be okay with never knowing existed.

I am talking about Pheromone Parties.

What is that? You may ask. Yourself. Where does that highway go to? I’m sorry, I have an affliction where I occasionally segue way into Talking Heads lyrics. But that’s not important right now. A Pheromone Party is where you go to meet someone you want to date/fall in love with/bang with a twist: BYOS — bring your own shirt. But before you bring it, you have to sleep it in for three nights in a row and then take it off and leave it sealed in a plastic bag (the longer the better). I hope I never feel like that plastic bag. Then you bring it to the party. And when that bag opens, that’s when it all goes down. To quote their website:

Bags are placed on a table. Guests smell the bags at their leisure throughout the party.
If a guest finds the smell attractive, they take a picture with the bag at a photographer station. These pictures are projected as a slide show on the wall at the party.
If you see a picture of a guest you find attractive holding your number, this is the greenlight to talk to them. Haaaay.

Minty fresh!

As gross as I find this concept I also find it interesting. First of all, I think the last thing anyone needs is to be rejected for smelling the worst out of all of the smelly t-shirts. Also I’m glad I’m not single because if I were I would have to go to this and try it and report back. I’ll still go but I’m not bringing a dank t-shirt. Also I would cheat by rolling my tee around in a nice pumpkin pie, because apparently that’s a scent that men love. I read it in a study. With the candlestick. And Mrs. Peacock. But I can’t deny that I like my boyfriend’s t-shirts. I like how they smell. And that’s the whole point of this. We’re all gross and we like how we smell. Because we’re basically jerks who walk around smelling for love. And then when we smell something we like, we bang it. Or marry it.

Here is my favorite tip:

“Some things for women to consider:

Strippers get more tips when ovulating. It is not proven whether this is because of pheromones or just actions, but worth considering for coordinating your odor print phase.”

This entire party sounds awesome. Can someone please go to this and report back? Are you adventurous enough to go? Wouldn’t this be the best “…and that’s how I met your mother” story ever?

But most of all, what do you think — is this idea legit? Do you like how your dude or lady smells?

Get thee to Cinefamily on April 5th.

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This is what I do at work.

Mar

2012

FUN FRIDAY: SWEET SWEATS from BCBGeneration on Vimeo.

Here’s a little something to brighten your Monday. I shot this and am in it for two seconds. Enjoy and feel free to share if you like it.

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Whatever happened to the teenage dream?

Mar

2012

I mean this is what instagram was made for, right?

Why did I hate being a teenager so much? Being a teenager is awesome. Nothing you do matters. Nothing. Teenagers, I’m not trying to put you down; on the contrary. I’m trying to empower you. Don’t you realize how awesome it is when nothing you do matters? You can do anything. Anything! Go to school, don’t fuck up your grades, and then do whatever the hell you want. Stay out late on a school night. Wear something stupid. Be ignorant. Don’t try to be an adult. Being an adult kind of sucks, I’m gonna be real. There are a lot of great things about my life, like I get to legally drink (even though I still get carded which is both flattering and extremely embarrassing), I don’t have to tell my parents what I’m doing all the time, and I can basically say, “Fuck this shit, I’m an adult!”

Now here are the downsides: as an adult, drinking takes a harder toll on my body, I actually miss my parents telling me what to do because now I have to make those decisions for myself, and if I say, “Fuck this shit, I’m an adult!” I have to deal with the consequences, good or bad. And guys, my knees hurt. I’m in my twenties, not even my late twenties, and my fucking knees hurt after a workout. Which reminds me, does anyone have a good workout DVD/whatever other than The 30 Day Shred? Because The Shred works but it kills my knees every time. And as vain as I am, I don’t think it’s worth it. So yeah, your stupid knees hurt and you have to find a job and keep it because you have to pay for boring shit like bills, and sometimes you cry in the corner of the shower thinking, “LOLOLOLOL” in your brain. Because being an adult can be absurd.

I didn’t appreciate being a teenager because as a teenager I felt ugly, hated that I looked so young, and wished I didn’t have to go to school. Those were my problems. Those aren’t problems. Those are, “Shut up you’re not ugly, one day you will LOVE being told you look young, and get your shitty body to school you idiot it’s a lot easier than real life.”

Teenagers: have some fucking fun. I mean it. If not for you, then for Uncle Almie.

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MAX LANDIS AND APOCALYPSTICK WANT YOU…

Feb

2012

…To send us — Max Landis, screenwriter of “Chronicle” and Almie Rose, of the blog you’re reading right now — your questions on dating, relationships, sex, social etiquette – we’ll tackle them all! In case you’re not familiar, Max and I do a web show where we take readers’ questions and answer them as best we can. So send em on over to my formspring.

See our previous videos here.

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Classic Videos: FUN TIMES WITH APOCALYPSTICK!

Feb

2012

Who needs drugs when you have a paper shredder?

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Boobs.

Feb

2012

My cat Obo

So I’m watching Whitney (yeah, so what, I watch Whitney sometimes, the parts with Whitney are funny, the part with her friends not so much) and the episode is about her wearing fake boobs and how her boyfriend reacts. The episode is also about her friends being annoying and stupid but again, the interesting part is about Whitney. So Whitney wears this bra that makes her A cup a double D. And considering that Whitney is already so thin and tall and pretty, this makes her look like even more of a model, but I don’t think we’re supposed to think that way. I think we’re supposed to see Whitney as an avergae modern day gal, like a foul mouthed Mary Tyler Moore for the twitter era.

P.S. Whitney.

So anyway Whitney now has big fake boobs and this intrigues her boyfriend. And Whitney is insulted because he says that when she wears them, it’s like he “gets to be with someone else.” Our dear heroine Whitney says something like, “Why can’t you accept me for who I am?” and “Admit it, you wish I had bigger boobs” and earlier in the episode when she first gets the bra she says, “Why does everyone hate women?” which I thought was a really great line. Her boyfriend retaliates that she wishes he were different too, like why can’t he be more like Don Draper? Because she likes Mad Men and talks about Jon Hamm a lot.

The point of the episode was, if we could change our partners, would we? Or do we like them for who they are, flawed and all? And also, do women need to have big boobs?

I’m at the point where I’m happy with my boobs, even though they’re Whitney sized. It’s all about the quest for abs anyway. I’ve heard from lots of guys (and not from me asking, just from life) that they don’t really care about the size of the boobs they just care about boobs in general. Boobs are great!

P.S. Boobs.

Anyway, using this show as an example, at what point did Whitney’s boyfriend realize, “Oh wait, my girlfriend has small boobs” and decide it wasn’t a big deal? In between the time when you started dating your sig other and the time when you became a long term item, when do you come to terms with something and accept it or decide that it needs to be changed or you’re done?

And no, this isn’t based on me or anything going on in my life. This is all Whitney.