I don’t want kids and I have my reasons.

young woman surrounded by kittens

I’m at that point in my 20’s where, even though I think it’s too soon to think about, I’m having to answer hypothetical questions like, “So, do you want to have kids?” or even worse, “When do you plan on having kids?”

I plan on having kids right around the time I plan on having tea with Michael Caine in a gumdrop palace on the moon. So, never. Never is when all of these things are planned.

But “I’m not having kids” is not a good response. Because when I say that, people take it as a challenge. Like I personally offended them or am asking them to convince me. “You’ll change your mind” or “You will” or, my favorite, “That’s what you think now, but you’re still so young.” Then why did you even ask me?

I don’t want kids and I have my reasons. Here they are. Note: none of them are, “Because I’m too selfish” because that isn’t a reason; it is in no way selfish to not want children.

10. Because this is how I would deal when my children misbehaved.

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind gif

9. Because the one time I took a pregnancy test, even though I knew I wasn’t pregnant, but I made the mistake of watching that TV movie about Kirsten Dunst who didn’t think she was pregnant but she was, this is how I reacted when the test was negative.

happy sports fan

8. Because being pregnant and giving birth is terrifying to me. Your body does things you can’t control. You may: piss yourself unexpectedly, lose your hair, bleed/and or produce discharge for possibly weeks after birth, experience swelling of your genital area, get hemorrhoids, develop dark bulging veins in your legs, and during birth you will probably shit yourself and tear your vagina so badly you need stitches.

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7. Because I don’t want to become one of those people who talks about their kids all the time because even though you find your kids amazing, no one else is going to find the same joy in hearing that your son shared a cookie with your daughter. It’s like when I go on and on about some guy I met at a bar that my friends know I’m going forget about a week later. But your kids will still be around and doing something new every week that you’ll feel the need to share.

revolution gif interesting

6. Because I’m just beginning to build a career and I don’t want to ever put that on hold.

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5. Because I’d rather be an aunt. My brother is going to be an awesome dad. I will be there to offer sterling advice and teach them super important things in life, because I am very wise.

paul mccartney beatles gif

(But really, in all sincerity, I would love to be an aunt.)

4. Because I like having the freedom to do whatever I want with my evenings and weekends (providing I don’t have to work).

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3. Because in case you haven’t figured this out by now, I am not mature enough, and I am totally okay with that.

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2. Because what little money I have, I like having it, and I’d like to have more of it.

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1. Because I just don’t want them. If someone tells you this, accept it and move on. Not everyone wants the same things.

spinning dancing rooster

So there you go. People who want kids: go have them, love them to pieces, and never let them doubt it. People who don’t want kids: don’t have them and don’t ever apologize for it.

 

I originally posted this on The Gaggle.

Joan Caulfield by Nickolas Muray for McCall’s via George Eastman House on Flickr.

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39 thoughts on “I don’t want kids and I have my reasons.

  1. MollySC

    I agree with EVERYTHING, and I love you for saying.
    I have no desire to give birth, or spend my hard earned cash on diapers. I like other people’s kids better, and the idea of a tiny me is, frankly, terrifying.

  2. Kate @ SuburbanSweetheart.com

    YES TO ALL OF THIS. I recognize that I may want kids someday & don’t count it out (though plenty of people do, & THAT’S ALSO OK), but at this point, I still cannot imagine ever parenting anything. And I don’t understand why people take this as such a personal insult. Why would you want someone who doesn’t want to be a parent to become a parent?!

    1. Kelly L

      SO EVERYONE ELSE CAN FEEL THEIR PAIN AND SUFFERING.

      Or, um, something. I don’t know. I just became an aunt and I am super ridiculously excited about it but right now? That’s enough for me. Maybe someday I’ll change my mind, though, let’s face it, I’m not getting any younger here.

      Whatever, I don’t know. I don’t get why it’s anybody’s business. BECAUSE, SPOILER ALERT: IT’S NOT.

  3. Kat

    Can I add a very important number 11? I have kids and I love them to pieces OF COURSE…but I’m going to admit that my life…every waking moment of my LIFE is now spent worrying about them. From simple things like nutrition and schoolwork to more complex things like drug use and GETTING LOCKED IN A CREEPY MAN’S HOUSE FOR TEN YEARS! In return for my worry and care I get screamed at and thrown up on.

    And then we get these random terror attacks and mass murders in elementary schools and I sometimes can’t believe that I chose to bring such sweet little innocent babies into this seriously fucked up world in the first place. All because *I* had to have my family…who’s the selfish one now? For me personally, my kids are definitely amazing, they share cookies and everything. I love love LOVE them…but when my friend tells me she doesn’t think she’ll have them, she doesn’t have to explain a thing. I get it.

    Plus if she had them I wouldn’t have my “mommy me time” escape anymore.

    1. Cate

      or can we talk about how even when you have kids, people never stop asking you when you’ll have more.
      i have told people point blank i had the kids i can afford, not having any more.
      they still feel the need to tell you you’ll change your mind

  4. cantaloupe

    Interesting. I think I want kids because I feel that they would spice up my life and keep me from getting bored. I enjoy life sans kids, but I’ve done a lot of the things I wanted to do with my life. Kids just seems like something else to experience.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      I understand this. I think most people want to experience kids. Uh, I mean having and raising them. Not in a weird way.

  5. KendraD

    Haha, these came at the perfect time. I’d literally just finished a conversation with my husband about why we don’t want kids.

  6. Shayla

    Preach on preacher woman! I get this same response from people when I say I don’t want kids for at least ten years. “Aren’t you worried you won’t be able to?”… why no, no I’m not. I’ll take the let the chips fall where they may approach — or in this case the babies cry where they will.

  7. Nina Colada

    Yes. Love this all, Almie. I’m a bit older, so what do I do when all my friends are birthing babies? Even the friends who said they didn’t want kids succumb to being Under Pressure. Do I have to somehow find new friends who will pit up with me in order to have a non-dog or non-cat to which I can talk? Do I go to bars alone? Do I move West to a more romantic city where my other kidless friends escaped? I hear a baby crying in the doctor’s office right now, and I literally feel nothing. Not stressed, annoyed, or concerned. Help.

  8. Danielle

    I fully agree with this. These are all my reasons for now wanting any and, man, it’s the most annoying thing in the world when that notion is followed up with, “Oh, you’ll change your mind.” NO. I WON’T. GROSS.

  9. Marian Schembari

    Yeah. This. EVERYTHING. I’ve always wanted kids, but the older I get the more I think NO NO NO and agree with every single one of these reasons. Honestly, I think about the decision to have or not have kids the same way I think about gay marriage or being republican or wearing neon colors. It may not be something I experience during my life, but I couldn’t give less of a shit if you do.

  10. Alisha

    I totally agree with EVERYTHING.

    I haven’t decided if I want children yet, so lots of this applies. I had a great conversation with an adamantly child-free couple the other week and the wife told me that if one of her friends said “I’m thinking of trying for a baby” she would NEVER reply with “Oh my god WHY?” or any other of the range of ridiculous things people say to her when she tells them she doesn’t want kids.

    How people think it’s ok to comment on others’ life choices baffles me.

  11. Rubi

    You have cured me of my baby fever. Thanks! My new goal in life, to be as awesome as that Chicken.

  12. Mila

    omg yesss, you said all I ever thought about idea of having children. all your reasons – are my reasons. i would be terrible mother, i want to be on my own. this is funny because every time people tell me shit like “you will change your mind” “you’re too young to know” etc I always answer that whatever, i won’t because i am not even able to having children – and they’re like oh my goood, i’m so sorry, i didn’t know, how do you feel about it? it must be so scary! and i am like, oh fuck you, i said i don’t want children anyway hahhaa. people are so stupid sometimes.so, yeah, i can’t have children, say “i am so glad for you!” not “ow, i’m sorry” 😛

  13. Jenn

    Completely agree. Read another blog that had one you might want to add to your list: You might have twins. That was from http://www.babyoffboard.com
    Have to agree about being an aunt though–that’s much easier. Any of the good parts you feel like…and then you hand them back and have a drink.

  14. Mich

    yes. to all of this!

    I am BIG time on the fence of ever wanting kids. all of these reasons are why… also another huge part is how fucked up our society is and how its getting crazier every year… why create new humans to bring into that?

  15. Simone

    Ok, so I’m 32 and I still don’t feel mature enough to have kids. What’s totally annoying (especially once you get into your late 20’s & early 30’s) is that people start asking you about your “biological clock” and stuff like “aren’t you afraid you’re going to miss out on stuff?” yadda yadda. These are super personal questions and yet you’ll catch yourself fielding them from complete strangers. It’s a bummer. The truth is, the older I get, the less I actually want to have kids.

  16. Cate

    I got tired of these questions really fast, even when I knew I wanted kids.
    It’s nobody’s business, too many factors go into choosing to or not to and when. Most of those are far too personal to be shared outside of a limited group of people
    (and does anybody ever notice its always the people who complain that about over-sharing on social media that are the most insistent? )

    I have no problem being rude when people are being rude to me, I know not everybody is this way, so this may not be a solution for you…..but I found something that puts an end to the questions:
    laugh, and say “I don’t know. How about you? Got any plans for your vagina this summer?

  17. Pingback: What’s in My Bedside Drawer. - A P O C A L Y P S T I C K — A P O C A L Y P S T I C K

  18. Lotta

    I do want to have kids. I see this all in a more philosophical way. Who doesn’t love his parents? Good parents who teach you values and experiences and how to start your own thinking and struggle in life. I want to be one of them. I want to bring something to life that somehow is a part of me if you understand, not a copy of me or something, just something important, a hopefully good, human being that just exists and makes other people happy.

    And that isn’t everything. I think about kids as they are the future. Yes, they cost money, they can be annoying – but seriously, who isn’t annoying at any time? kids are people, not stuffed animals. And we need them, even if they are sometimes a burden. We need more good kids to save this world, not just for our economy and science (which is a point, too).

    There are pros and cons, I understand your arguments. I’m also very pleased about the fact that some people don’t have kids if they don’t feel like having them. Because we would produce a lot of unhappy parents and children by doing so.

    My English isn’t perfect because I am from Germany, and I can say I’m not as wise as some of you, I’m only 18. But I definetly want to have kids. And if I can’t (by any reason) give them birth by myself – I’m going to adopt one or two. There’s one thing I wanted to add by the way: If it’s all about not destryoing your bikini figure (don’t know if you say this in the USA,too?) or widening your vagina… if it’s about body-stuff – just try adoption!

    I think there are a lot of kids in this world who love to be yours.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      “I’m not as wise as some of you, I’m only 18.” On the contrary, I think you are very wise. I mean, I don’t know you, but in this regard, you have some very wise words.

      For example, this: “I’m also very pleased about the fact that some people don’t have kids if they don’t feel like having them. Because we would produce a lot of unhappy parents and children by doing so.” You nailed it.

      Thank you for sharing your view and your opinions. And If I hadn’t used up all my tears this week, this: “I think there are a lot of kids in this world who love to be yours” would have me crying right now.

      xoxo

  19. Joshua

    I say I don’t want kids for the very reason you do….but being that im married to my girlfriend of eight years, things have changed a little. I still don’t want to have kids but I am afraid of not leaving my name to live on…I also enjoy my nephews and niece so much that they stay with me here in San Diego whenever I they can…it takes two people to make the decision of conceiving(unless your a irresponsible and stupid) and I believe my wifes wants out way mine.

  20. Ashley_R21

    I agree with all I this! It made me smile, and I immensely enjoyed the fun clips after each one, especially Michael Scott!!!

  21. Luis

    Hi all women! Please, I want kid just one.. But I am single and 30 old years. I can’t find women sexy, damn, I have no idea women!

  22. AndyG

    Heck no,.. I’m a dude going on 28 and I seriously can’t see myself having kids and time soon if at all. To many things to sort out in my own life and plenty of room for further maturation without then having to worry about children.
    Maybe if I’m in my mid to late 40’s with a younger woman,.. but I wouldn’t count on it.

  23. Ceri

    A thousand times, thank you for this. Next time someone gets arsey with me about not wanting kids, I’m directing them straight to this page.

    And thank you for mentioning that people do suddenly seem to get offended over the choice not to have them. They seem to see you not wanting them as criticising the fact that they did have them.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      “They seem to see you not wanting them as criticising the fact that they did have them.”

      Ahhhh. Hadn’t thought of it like this.

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