Unless you're January Jones, then it's perfect. For now.
“Your life is so glamourous!” People tell me. Yes, it is. On Instagram. On Instagram my life looks as fun as Disneyland inside of another Disneyland. But I don’t think my life is awesome. It kind of sucks sometimes. I think all of our lives suck sometimes. But if all of our lives suck then why is it that we think other peoples’ lives are great? We all complain and we all wish we had better lives. We say, “Crispin Jones has such an awesome life, why can’t I be Crispin? Crispin hangs out with Quentin Taratino and gets invited to all the Nylon parties and works as a full time blogger and owns a cologne business, Crispin has it going on and I feel bad.” There’s a Crispin in all of our lives. This one is made up, but I bet someone out there knows someone with the exact descriptions that I just gave this fake Crispin.
Everyone’s lives look better than ours but our lives look fantastic to other people. It’s true. If there is someone out there who thinks their life is awesome and amazing and cannot be topped, please tell me. Not so I can try and argue with you or prove you wrong but because I want to praise you and learn your secrets. It doesn’t matter what your job is in life or who you know; there are people out there who lead average lives but love them. That’s what it’s about. Not about looking glamorous. But about feeling glamorous, for real, even if all you do is work a 9-5 job and the thing you look forward to most in life is the Thursday night line-up on NBC. I can think of hundreds of people who would envy that life.
I blame the bloggers. The bloggers look so freaking cool on their little Internets. People think I’m cool but guys, I’m not, and I never claimed to be. If you look at the header of this blog you see that I think I’m awkward and I am. I met my celebrity crush and told him his head was too big. That’s fucking awkward and totally uncool. And I look at other bloggers who are part time models and full time awesome and I have to suffocate my jealousy “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” style. And honestly, I know that my life isn’t terrible and there are wonderful moments and I’m lucky for what I have. But I’m also great at being a selfish and superficial jerk who complains that her apartment is too big for her wireless router’s signal.
Why does your life suck? Tell me, maybe we can have a contest about whose life sucks more.
An old crush of mine started contacting me out of NO WHERE. “He’s been pining for me all of these years, surely,” I thought. Just when we got to the point where I sensed he was going to make a move, he started talking about a “business opportunity” with “great potential earning growth.”
I thought he was going to ask to dinner. He was asking me to join his pyramid scheme.
Oh no, Jenny! I had the same thing happen to me when I wrote my *kindergarten teacher* a letter senior year in high school, thanking her for all she’d done. She invited me out to lunch with her son. Her son spent the entire time pitching me Amway, insisting that I probably wanted a new car. (I didn’t, and told him so. His response, “No, I’m sure you do!”) We were at McDonald’s. After about half an hour, they drove me back home. They did not buy me lunch.
This sounds like the beginning of a sitcom though! So at least there’s that?
Same thing happened to me. FML.
My boss is great and my coworkers are great. But I’m 24 now and only get paid $55,000 a year for a big IT company and I have to save up money to buy a Gibson acoustic guitar so I can serenade girls with Wonderwall at my apartment. Fucking sucks.
Hey now, don’t look back in anger.
24 and pulling in $55k a year? Oh boo hoo, you.
I love this.
I fucking love this.
I’ve always thought your life looked pretty glamorous. Not gonna lie. But it’s true that we all have our things. Our hangups, our insecurities. The things that suck, as well as the things that are awesome.
I’m probably the most awkward person I’ve ever met in this “real life” world, but I exude confidence online. Because it’s easy to hide behind a keyboard. It’s not easy to hide in the sunlight when your eyeliner is running and you have no boobs but you’re wearing a low cut top. That’s why my life sucks. Lack of boobs and good eyeliner. And other things, but mostly that.
Three cheers for awkward.
Yup. Exactly. Let us join hands!
I have one of those your-life-must-be-so-awesome lives. I.e. what people see is so awesome. But if they only knew. I don’t want to go into it, you never know who’s reading this. But I hear you, people assume stuff. Awesome stuff. If only…
I was just thinking about this, how the internet has made people so much more interested in making their lives look awesome to others, rather than actually making an awesome life.
my life isn’t too bad. I mean, no one is going to find me commenting on a blog at 9:17am glamorous but I enjoy it. There’s probably more I could do though..
i can’t complain too much, but there are days when i feel like a total sellout – working a job i don’t really care about just because it’s what i fell into and they pay me decently – and that when i look back i will think i wasted these years.
but then i remember that my job isn’t who i am…it’s just what i do, and i can do other things. RIGHT?!
and also, i regret not wearing my retainer. fuck, my parents were right. my teeth really did move.
Ugh, RIGHT? WHY did I not wear that damn retainer? Because it was disgusting and spitty and plastic and covered the entire roof of my mouth and made me gag, that’s why. But still. My two front teeth are punishing me for it now.
yep….same. DAMN
This is such a hard post to reply to, because I so badly don’t want to be caught complaining by the general public (the major whining is reserved for the ears of my boyfriend, extremely close friends, and parents), but…my life sucks because there is no guarantee that my future will end up the way I want it to, so to remedy that I sit around on my ass and don’t actually attempt to get to where I want to be. My life sucks because of me and my fears and my extreme resistance to failure. And I know what needs to be done about it (I just need to DO something, obviously), but every day I wake up, and I still don’t do it.
Boo hoo, wah wah. =]
(That being said, I moved from the Midwest to Los Angeles, and my life has improved in a million ways since doing that, so my life sucks a lot less than it used to. Just had to throw that out there.)
My life sucks because I feel really self-conscious about the size of my hands (freakishly tiny). That’s actually how I found this blog, bahaha. Seriously though, I am depressed over them. I will never be a normal person :'(
Okay, that sounds like a joke. I like telling people though, it’s funny to see their reactions. They think I can’t possibly be serious.
It’s too bad I am.
I’m writing this because I really do feel like my life is FREAKIN’ amazing and can’t be topped. There can be things to change in my life, but they would just be that… changes… not for better or worse.. just lateral changes. I come across so many people on a daily basis who believe that their lives suck. It’s really not that difficult to find them. In almost evry walk of life… rich or poor… happy or sad… they seem to believe with their whole hearts that their lives suck. I guess I saw a long time ago that the circumstances didn’t matter and even the most successful people have just as sucky lives as the most downtrodden… so it must be choice.
I’m living in my van right now with my 3 sons and my life is amazingly awesome everyday and seems to get better… but, don’t try to tell anyone else this… chances are they will choose to resent you for it… or just think you’re crazy delusional.. lol.
That’s wonderful. I’m happy for you and I hope that your life continues to be freakin’ amazing and it probably will be because you have the best attitude.
I work for a large company making a good salary and I’m still in my 20s. I can afford what I want without the need for a credit card, but my wants aren’t too extravagant. I enjoy the nights I stay in with books, movies, or shows, and I enjoy the time I go out with my friends. Being single is the only thing I’d really change about my life, but, I’m a picky dude, and I haven’t met anyone in over a year now who I decided I needed to pour some effort into.
Me aside, I’ve been following your blog for about three years now and mostly just get happy when you have successes in regards to your blogging, but I see the struggles and normalcy as well, so I’m like “Almie’s just another dudette who sometimes hangs out with that guy who helped do something with that movie.”
That last line pretty much sums it up. However, there are also times where my life is awesome and crazy. But not now, now I’m listening to a Lady Gaga remix and drinking tequila.
Well I just found out I have shingles. On the bright side I’m not a leper so this is good news.
Blogging makes me think my life is crap sometimes. I don’t make homemade apple sauce. I don’t have 10,000 twitter followers and I will never be famous but at least Britney Spears will always be older than me.
My life sucks because I thought it was a good idea to drink heavily until 4:30 a.m. and now I’m sitting in my cubicle. Miserable.
I really liked this post a lot.
Thanks! I liked your comment a lot.
Life sucks when you just float like a dead fish. I do.