By Almie Rose
Apr
25
2012
Coachella is not my idea of fun; it’s more my idea of let’s make Uncle Almie cry. There’s lots of people, dirty hot sweaty people, and you have to throw money everywhere. If you can rock it out there, by all means, have fun in the assy desert. But if you’re high maintenance and [...]
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Mar
20
2012
A few days ago, Max Landis shared something gross and fascinating with me. Naturally. He brought to my attention something I wasn’t aware existed and would probably be okay with never knowing existed. I am talking about Pheromone Parties. What is that? You may ask. Yourself. Where does that highway go to? I’m sorry, I [...]
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Jan
17
2012
There’s the obvious answer: get drunk. But sometimes you don’t want to drink. Like…uh…when you already feel nauseous! Or you’re pregnant (ew). Or you’re allergic. Or someone is paying you not to. Yeah, those are pretty much the only situations where you wouldn’t drink at a party. In this scenario you have fallen under one [...]
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Sep
10
2011
Photo of my dear friend Laura taken by me. My new mantra: showing up early is the new showing up late. I am so sick of pretending to be too cool to arrive anywhere before 11. It’s asinine. The people who show up”fashionably late” don’t arrive late because they’re busy all evening, no; they arrive [...]
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Jul
7
2011
Sometimes one of the bravest things you can do is go to a party alone. That and playing dead around a bear. It’s a toss-up. I don’t know if this is limited to women, but all my lady friends have issues going to parties alone. The usual fears swim about in our heads: what if [...]
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Apr
17
2011
One husband. One wife. Whaddya got? Two people sentenced for life. – Nina Simone, “Marriage Is For Old Folks” Oh Apocalypstick, what is your deal? Do you like weddings? Hate them? Do you want to get married or condemn those who do? Tell me your stories. Your dreams. Tell me everything. Okay, imaginary questioner. I [...]
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Jan
22
2011
Photo of PrettyBoi by Ian Asbjørnsen Hello everyone. I’m sorry I’ve been away. Like I mentioned before, I have a lot of insane things going on in my life right now. But not good insane, more like a “Let me tell my story on Oprah” insane or, to quote this dude Max, “Season finale shit” [...]
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