Category Archives: celebrities

To Do List Part 2.


In 2009, I made a “to do list” — male celebrities I’d like to do. It features some wildcards, like Peter Dinklage. And this was before Game of Thrones. I had worked with him on a film (which is a glorified way of saying I was an extra on his film in his scene), and I put him on the list.

But it’s 2015 now, and so, I feel I should update this list. The last list featured 5 celebs — this features 6. And if that bothers you, well, I’m sorry. There were some people I had to carry over. Some got left behind. But some remained forever glorious.

Here are 6 celebrity dudes on my To Do List.


6.) Pharrell Willams


I’ve made it clear how much I hate that damn song, “Happy.” I once tweeted, “Someone just cut someone else off while playing ‘Happy’, and it was the first time that song ever made me happy.” It was something like that; this was a while ago. I’ve also joked that the song is so silly, it should include the line, “Clap along if you feel like a shoe without a sock.” But I realize that Pharrell is more than “Happy.” Pharrell has been on my radar for a long time. Mainly for his personal style/fashion, TBH. His music was always secondary to that, for me. But this dude is 41 and looks like a damn giddy 20-something. I’ll clap along for you, Pharrell. My room? It needs a roof. Let’s fix that. Clap along, Pharrell, if you feel like giving me a roof. And uh, really get up there and secure it and, uh, shit, I don’t know much about roofing. All I know is that when Pharrell performs, he has the giddiness of a young man (as well as the face), and it makes me want to be happy. Like, I would even overlook the clusterfuck that is “Blurred Lines” for Pharrell. Because I’m happy. Clap along.


5.) Marc Maron


How the hell did this one happen? Well, I Netflix marathoned Maron, that’s how. We all know I love older men, and Marc Maron is that quintessential older man — the one who pretends to hate his life when really, he’s secretly loving life, balls-out. The problem here is that Maron is sober and I am not. My wine glass is only empty because I’m about to fill it. But man, I have a thing for cantankerous older men. Maron seems to have a problem with everything, and I find that insatiable. I’d put up with his bullshit, roll my eyes, and be his forever. I’d listen to all his bullshit records, from those bands that no one’s heard of but he somehow has, and he knows it. Shit.


4.) Blake Shelton.


I guess I’m on a The Voice kick — first Pharrell, now Blake. The Blake one shames me, deeply. I don’t know what it is, but once I saw him on Saturday Night Live, doing his “Wishing Boot”sketch, that’s when something clicked — sweet fancy Moses, I wanna do this man. We have absolutely nothing in common. He’s a country music star and the only country music I like is real old school, like Dolly Parton country. (BTW, I AM AWARE THAT  HE, AND PHARRELL ARE MARRIED. AND I REALIZE I HAVE NO CHANCE WITH THESE PEOPLE. CHILL OUT.) Discovering that I’m attracted to Blake Shelton is like someone telling me I can urinate through my eyeballs — what? How? And why? — that’s how it feels. I feel so…ashamed. Not that he’s not an attractive and talented man — he’s just so not my type. I’m confused. But I’m gonna roll with it.


3.) Jon Hamm

Four Seasons Hotel

So on the previous list, I included Don Draper, but not Jon Hamm, and yes, I am aware that Don Draper is fictional, thank you. But this time around, I am including Jon Hamm, the man. Because he’s proved himself to be more than Don Draper. He has a wicked sense of humor and always kills it on SNL. I’ve come to the point where I am able to separate him from Don, and I like what I see. Funny story: I once saw Jon Hamm in person and made an ass of myself, but that’s a story for another time. If you’ve read this far, let me know if you ever want to hear it. Anyway, my point is, he’s come so far. He’s no longer just “Don Draper” to me, and thus, deserves a spot on this list, even though I heard rumors that he picks up random girls and fingers them in his car. What? WHAT??? I’m just being honest. Just being honest.


2.) David Bowie


I mean, this one is a given, if you even know me at all. David Bowie is one of my true loves. But the thing about Bowie, and the reason why he’s not number one, is that I believe you should never meet your heroes, even just for one day. (HA! SEE WHAT I DID THERE?). He just means too much to me. So much that I don’t even think I can say anymore. Just know that I love him, and will forever, but hope to never actually be anywhere near him. I saw him in concert twice, and bawled both times. So any interaction between me and Bowie would be bad news. But I can’t not include him on the list. So here he is. Ziggy played guitar…


1.) Paul McCartney


Paul McCartney is my EVERYTHING. You know, I have a boyfriend, so this list is all fun and games — except for Paul McCartney. My boyfriend understands that if I were offered an evening with Sir Paul, I would take it (to the limit) (one more time). And he accepts that. We both know it’s never going to happen, but so help me God, if it does, I am IN IT to WIN IT. I don’t fucking care that he’s old. People are like, “Oh ew, imagine his 72-year-old body on you” and I’m like, “I am, and it’s FANTASTIC.” I will want Paul McCartney forever and always. He is the one for me. He just doesn’t realize it. Try to see it my way, Paul. We can work it out. We can work it out! P.S. I love you. You, you, you!


Who is on YOUR “To Do” list? DON’T BE SHY!

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What Is The Big Deal About Ryan Gosling?

Ryan Gosling

What is the big deal about Ryan Gosling? I don’t get it, and I never have.

The Internet (and “real life”) is freaking out because he’s having a baby with actress Eva Mendes. Um, did anyone think they had a chance with Ryan Gosling? Like his having a baby was the ultimate personal shutdown to you, Ryan Gosling fan. Sorry, but him having a baby doesn’t affect you in any way. You didn’t have a chance before, and you won’t have a chance ever. Sorry. He’s not even the guy you probably think he is. He’s just an actor. You don’t even know him. Let him live his life.

Anyway, here’s what I don’t get about Ryan Gosling.

The Notebook Sucks.

Yeah, I said it. I said it and I regret nothing about saying it. That movie was a pandering piece of baloney. (When I get real feisty about a topic, instead of cursing, I turn into a 1930’s newspaper reporter. Baloney, I tells ya!) Ryan Gosling played an insane stalker. That scene when he tries to woo Rachel McAdams’s character by HANGING OFF A FERRIS WHEEL was absolutely ridiculous. That man was a fucking maniac, hanging off a goddamn ferris wheel like a fool. (Okay, I lied, the cursing is coming back.) He manipulated her into being with him, and then continued the manipulation with all of his stupid letters and saying shit like, “If you’re a bird, I’m a bird.” Which is supposed to be a really romantic line, but sounds like some creep trying to possess a woman, like I could hear someone following me down a dark street cackling, “IF YOU’RE A BIRD, I’M A BIRD, MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAA. FLY FOR ME!!” Sorry, but I didn’t find that movie romantic, I found it bizarre. His character had some serious mental problems and didn’t understand the meaning of the word “no”. How is that romantic?

He looks like a farmer.

Ryan Gosling

“Time to plow the fields soon.”

Everyone says he’s so handsome, but I look at Ryan Gosling and I see a farmer, and I can’t really explain this. No offense to farmers, but I guess what I’m trying to say is he looks like a totally ordinary man to me. Like some dude who wandered into Hollywood from Iowa. No offense to people from Iowa. I’m just saying, he’s no big deal. But this is coming from someone who finds David Bowie to be the ultimate sex boat, so my tastes are decidedly different from most of America I guess. NO, I’m not saying I should get a medal for this, but if you want to send me one my address is:

1234 Fuck Ryan Gosling Way
Los Angeles, CA 90000

The memes stopped being funny ages ago.

The whole “Hey Girl” Ryan Gosling meme has been turned into a book, a coloring book, coffee mugs, Twitter/Instagram accounts, and T-shirts, and I’m sick of it. It wasn’t even that funny to begin with. What’s so funny about the idea of a man being sensitive and kind? “A man likes Pinterest? Hilarious!” No.

Anyway, I’m sorry if this comes off as very harsh, it’s just something that’s been building up inside of me for a long time. I will never understand the Ryan Gosling mania. People act like he’s the goddamn Beatles. He’s just a dude with a great job. But if you wanna continue to act like he’s sexy Jesus, go ahead, it’s your life. Just explain to me what the big deal is, because, like a cat trying to pin down his shadow, I’m not getting it.

The following men are more crushworthy than Ryan Gosling:

— Gregory Peck
— Paul McCartney
— Jarvis Cocker
— David Bowie
— Gaspard Ulliel

I mean, you can totally have a crush on all of these men and Ryan Gosling; that’s like saying just because you like Britney Spears means you can’t listen to indie rock. Not true. I’m just saying, in conclusion, I am terribly uncool and out of touch with my generation regarding this particular actor and his fandom, and I’m okay with that.

And seriously, fuck The Notebook.

Images via Zimbio.

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Is catcalling ever okay?

cat paint

A while ago I wrote a piece for my blog titled “Stop hitting on me” that people both praised me and critized me for. I think the criticisms came from people thinking I was bemoaning how hot I am and how I’m sooooo sick of male attention. Not even close. I don’t think that and that isn’t what I was trying to say. I probably should have titled the post “Stop harrassing me.” That is closer to the point of the article. Anyway, if you don’t feel like reading it, the post is about how rude and upsetting it can be when strange men harrass young women when all we’re doing is minding our own business. We should be able to walk down the street without a stranger commenting on our appearance. Doesn’t matter if the man in question is young or old. It comes off as creepy and disrespectful.

But. But. A few nights ago I had an experience with catcalling that did not make me feel degraded. It actually made me feel…happy. Attractive. Confident. Is this wrong and hypocritical?

I’ll explain the situation.

I don’t often like going to parties alone. I’ve written about the subject and on my blog and on Hello Giggles about how it’s okay to go alone and have a kick-ass time, but on occasion I feel overwhelmingly shy and not good enough. The event I went to last night was a gathering of beautiful people and hosted by one of my all time favorite film directors/artists and usually this doesn’t bother me, in that, I’m born in LA and have lived here my whole life, so who cares about celebrities, but given the drama that’s happened lately, I felt kind of small. And I’m really embarrassed, even ashamed, to admit that. Though I eventually met up with the awesome person who invited me, I had to go in alone and be there alone for about 40 minutes. But once I got in there I was okay. And here’s why.

I was waiting on the corner in my dress and lipstick and heels pretending to be busy on my iPhone determining if I should go in alone. I felt like a dweeb. Just very shy and not at all confident. I’m doing nothing with my phone and a car is at a red light near me. I don’t notice it until the man inside rolls down his window and says something like, “Excuse me, miss.” I’m thinking, “Okay, here we go.” And he says, “You have the perfect body.” And I’m stunned. I’m about to attend a party where there are size 0 actresses who look stunning like a ray-gun. I do not think I have even close to the perfect body. He went on. “I’m not trying to be weird or hit on you, but I muted my phone call just now, put them on hold, I had to tell you. You look so good.”

And I almost cried. I know. I’m apalled. But I needed to hear it, and he was so kind about it. “Thank you,” I said. “Thank you so much.”

“No problem. You look great. Really.” Then the light turned green and he drove off.

Maybe my perception of body image is warped, and by maybe I mean, 100% completely is. I was surprised to receive this compliment from a strange man. And yes, I was flattered.

Am I screwed up? What do you think and what’s your experience been like?


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Apocalipstick the show vs Apocalypstick the blog.

Super fantastic portrait by Aurora Armijo.


So to answer some questions that have been popping up about this new pilot “Apocalipstick”:
1. Does this pilot have anything to do with your blog?: No.
2. Why didn’t you copyright Apocalypstick?: Because you can’t copyright titles/names.
3. But you trademarked it, right? Doesn’t that protect you?: I did trademark it but no, it does not protect it. It’s like when the Red Hot Chili Peppers wanted to sue the makers of the TV show “Californication” for using a title that was also a title of their song.
4. But isn’t this going to effect the pilot you’ve been working on?: No, it’s nothing like my blog and I didn’t title it Apocalypstick or Apocalipstick.
5. Do you hate Julie Klausner now?: No, I think she’s very talented and funny and maybe we can laugh about this over a bottle of wine and some smooth Billy Joel.
6. I am a rich person with TV connections, can I produce your pilot and get it on the air?: Why yes,thank you for asking.


I tweeted Julie Klausner about this and she tweeted back, “Take it up with Sue Margolis, Iit was based on [her] book.” I had no idea this book existed. I tweeted back, “That was really cool of you to respond, thanks! I wish you luck and I Don’t Care About Your Pilot. (see what I did there?) xo” and she tweeted, “haha, thanks lady! xx.” So I have no beefs with her and I love my Apocalypsticks but please don’t worry about defending me and don’t tweet her mean things, though I really appreciate it.

Now, am I going to take it up with this author? No. It won’t get anywhere. After doing a google search I discovered that there is also a band named Apocalypstick. They probably think that I’m screwing them over. So I understand. I believe that there is room for all of us. Remember Conan: “If you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.” And that’s my attitude about all of this.
To sum up, if you support me please “share” this and just keep reading my blog and commenting and tweeting and being the great people you are. And you can also buy an original, one of a kind, Apocalypstick t-shirt. They’re not mass produced, they’re painstakingly hand drawn by Australian artist Kenize Larsen. If you buy more than one I’ll give you a discount and if you buy my pilot I will give you all the t-shirts.


Almie Rose/Apocalypstick


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Take Note From Katy Perry.

katy perryPhoto by Ali Szubiak.

Two things most people know about Katy Perry: her left boob and her right boob. That is a damn shame. Katy Perry (formerly Katheryn Hudson) went from a sort of indie folk singer-songwriter complete with Zooey D dresses and acoustic guitar, and a powerful voice, to a spandex dress wearing, teenage dreaming, definition of pure giddy pop. Yes. Non-believers, watch:



But, Just Like Gaga (lest we forget that she too started as a folkie gal with a piano), she reinvented herself to be relevant and make money. And what the hell is so bad about that? Wouldn’t you do the same?

Why do people hate Katy Perry and pop music in general? Pop music will live forever. It’s fun but it can be unexpected. It influences fashion. And oh the great Halloween costumes that come from it! Like this:

 Where was this costume last year?? By the way that’s supposed to be a Rihanna costume behind her. Change the wig, lost the skirt, and you got a Gaga costume.

How smart is she to recognize that her fans dressed like her at her concerts and should make a Halloween costume for the masses, so that all DIY challenged fans could dress like Katy? How smart indeed. Some would say diabolical. Others would say that her managers and such pushed her to do it. Well duh, everyone has managers and lawyers and etc. But some pop artists have more control than others, and I bet that Katy is one of them. She knows her fans. She interacts with them on her personal twitter that, for better or worse, is written by her and her only.

Her record company was adamant in keeping ‘I Kissed A Girl’ off her debut album. Katy fought for it. Girl has great instincts. And that wasn’t a fluke. “Katy Perry is the first woman to have five #1 songs from one album on the billboard charts. She’s tied with Michael Jackson.” (source). Could a total idiot strike lightning five times? She knows her image and she knows her crowd. She can get slimed on at the Kids Choice awards with as much enthusiasm of being on the cover of Vanity Fair. In that issue she said,

“I don’t care what people say about my relationship; I don’t care what they say about my boobs.

People are buying my songs; I have a sold-out tour. I’m getting incredible feedback from my music…I don’t take anything for granted. There are 500 other girls right behind me. And I know that, because I was one of them. I remember what it’s like to be someone who’s always trying to get there — sending out tons of e-mails — trying to connect with some person who could connect me to some other person. And I wouldn’t be working at this pace now if I didn’t truly know that fame is fleeting.”

She gets it. She has fun but she also works her ass off. She parodies herself in her videos and gives Rebecca Black a cameo. That’s a crazy smart thing to do considering that Rebecca Black is one of the most talked about “artists” right now. How many pop stars do you know whose songs are sung by Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Fallon on national tv?

Does she contradict herself at times? Yes. Did she wear some really silly outfits at the most recent VMA awards in perhaps an attempt to Gaga it up? Maybe. Did she try to go too artsy with her “E.T.” music video? I’m sure of it. But she also got Kanye on that track. Kanye!

And then she’ll defy your expectations and take her biggest pop hit and turn it into a jazzy “whoa-what-the-hell-is-this-(in a good way).”

So leave her alone. If you think about it, there really isn’t a big difference between Lady Gaga and Katy Perry. I think one of them even wrote songs for the other one, when they were starting out. Both sing amazing pop songs while dressed as Bjork. There is nothing wrong with liking Katy Perry.

Say it with me: “There is nothing wrong with liking Katy Perry.”

I like Katy Perry and I like David Bowie. You can like pop music and classic rock. The two are not mutually exclusive. So don’t be ashamed. And don’t be hateful. Either way, she’s doing really, really well for herself. And how about you?


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Deepak Chopra and Donny Osmond.

Me with “Donny Osmond”

Hey everyone! I just got back from Bloggers In Sin City and I have a lot to share! If you want you can see a sneak peak if you friend me on Facebook (and you should anyway! You know, only if you want to.)

ALSO. I am a featured vyou…person. Which means I am on the homepage! Right under Deepak Chopra! So ask me anything you’ve ever wanted to know about me. I would prefer if it wasn’t relationship related but if you’ve got a burning question, go for it!

I love you all and I’ll have a proper update this week! xxo.


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