THINGS I CAN DO TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE LESS OF A FAILURE IN LIFE
(Aside from the Obvious Like “Make More Money”):
Be able to walk into a bar, announce, “Drinks are on me!” and actually mean it.
Learn something other than the word for airport in the “Learn French” 2 CD set my friend got me for my birthday two years ago.
Fall asleep before three in the morning on nights when I don’t go out.
Stop twirling my hair into thick shiny coils whenever I get nervous about something.
Shop at least once at Whole Foods without feeling like everyone is staring at me and judging me. Maybe it’s just in my head but I would swear that the people who shop at Whole Foods have appetites not for their organic produce but for destruction.
Learn how to properly format on this thing so that there’s not a space in between “Things I Can Do… etc” and the parenthesis underneath it. It’s driving me mad.
Expertly blow dry my hair.
Be described as “the toast” of something. NON-IRONICALLY.
Smoothly deal with a faux pas the way Don Draper did that episode of Mad Med where he swung the golf club into the glass ant farm and shattered it and just shrugged and said, “Let them pay for it.” GOD DAMN THAT’S SO SLICK.
Have a signature cocktail inspired by me.
Start my own line of lipstick.
Get in a fierce debate with someone where I say something so smart that someone else says, “Hear hear!”.
Stop losing my glasses all the time.
Get my face printed on a tee shirt as part of an underground art movement.
Live in a house with a door that opens into a wall just for the sheer frivolity of it.
Say something and wink without it coming off as creepy or strange.
Be truly missed.
Hideaway — Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich
i truly missed you (and your blog) when you went on vacay.
Then cross that off the list!
to answer one of your questions, insert a (without the asterisks) between the two lines of text so that awkward space won’t show up, i.e. THINGS I CAN DO TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE LESS OF A FAILURE IN LIFE(Aside from the Obvious Like “Make More Money”):
hope that helps!
AHHH NADIA, ONE OF THE MANY REASONS WHY I LOVE YOU.
cross two off the list!
wait! but the code didn’t show up…um. it should look like this: but get rid of all the |’s and make sure there is a space between the “r” and “/”. let’s see if this one shows up…
I’m going to bartending school, so when I graduate, I’ll make sure to come up with a cocktail that is delicious and I shall name it the “Almie.”
Then, you can go to bars in LA and order the “Almie” and when the bartender looks at you funny, you can scoff at them and say, “You don’t know how to make an Almie!? What kind of bartender are you?” And then they will ask you what’s in it and you will tell them and you will feel triumphant.
You’re welcome, Almie. Cross that shit off your list.
Want me to print up some t shirts??? I’ll totally wear your face. And I’ll make people feel stupid if they don’t know who you are.
ummmm YES!
We’ll blend together the last little bits of two lipstick colours to create a new shade (and not have to buy more right away because we’re broke) and we will call it ALMIE ROSE.
Checkmate.
Or…checklist…?
Checked off!
CHECK.
“stop twirling my hair into thick shiny coils whenever I get nervous about something”
hear mother fucking hear
AMAZING. Really amazing.