Sometimes I just feel like crying. I don’t know why. There isn’t any reason. I just feel like it’s something to do. Usually I can cry on demand but sometimes it just doesn’t happen. I don’t know if it’s because I’m dehydrated or what. But I can’t do it. Then I feel like a huge failure.

Big always makes me cry. Not the whole film, but the end.

On my facebook profile I wrote, “I like to listen to Elton John and cry.” It’s a joke but sometimes when I do feel like I need a good cry, there are a few songs I like to listen to.

Drive, The Cars, 1984.
Oh my God, this song. When I listen to this song I like to wear my oversized sweater with the cowl neck that doubles as a hood, and I like to put that hood on and just watch my eyes tear in the mirror. I picture myself in an 80s film, and I’m singing this song at the prom, because I’m the weird kid that wasn’t cool until after high school, the one who was in the band at prom but not asked to the actual prom, and I’m wearing a short spandex 80s dress or maybe a short tulle one and I’m singing “Drive” and I’m singing it right to the brown eyed boy I loved all through the film but who asked my friend out to prom instead of me and we’re all going off to college in a few days and I’ll never see him again and he sees me singing to him and he realizes what a mistake he’s made in not loving me and his eyes tear and my eyes tear and it’s one of those movie moments that defines everyones’ teenage years.

Five Years, David Bowie, 1972.
David Bowie sings about the upcoming apocalypse. How we all only have five years left on earth. Needless to say, it’s not a song you would sing at a wedding. It makes me think about what I would do if I only had five years left. I would probably get really, really fat.

I’ll See You In My Dreams, as sung by Joe Brown at the Concert for George, 2002.
George Harrison died and all of his famous musician friends got together and held a concert in his honor. Joe Brown sings this song on a ukulele, George’s favorite instrument, and the entire audience claps along, and then the strings come in, and I just imagine if I had to sing this for my friend who passed, and I just can’t even deal. I wouldn’t be able to get through it but he does and so simply, so beautifully. Why did half of the Beatles have to die? Why couldn’t it be Genesis instead? I’m sorry, that’s mean. Phil Collins is terrible but he shouldn’t have to die for it.

Hey Mama, Kanye West, 2005.
As if this song weren’t touching enough it took on a whole new meaning after Kanye’s mom died. Now all I want to do is sob hysterically every time I hear it. But it’s too good of a song not to listen to. Jon Brion produced “Late Registration” on which Hey Mama appears and you can clearly hear his influence in this song. His carefully lush and plucked chords come in about halfway through the song and it adds a whole new level that makes me want to hug my mom forever, then Kanye, and then just kill myself. Kanye is clearly confused right now. He’s dating Amber Rose but he’s supposed to be dating Almie Rose. Should I let him know? Or should I just let him be happy? Kanye when you realize it’s Almie Rose you were supposed to pursue, just get in touch with me. I have always been on your side.

Drive — The Cars

On a happier note, thank you guys for your congratulations and messages of good will. You’re the best readers anyone could ever have, and I don’t know how I can properly thank you for sticking with me. I’m hugging my computer right now.

Cheers.